The urges are out of control todayš
Iām getting super sensitive to everything.
Hopefully Iāll have a wet dream soon. I donāt know how else this is going to stop
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Let me be fucking free you fucking unwanted desires. You hold no importance in my life. I want a better life. Gtfo! Fuck outta my brain. Let me be a free bird. Iām a lot better person without you. You are just a baggage to me, nothing else. Fuck off!
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It seems like I canāt hold it tonight.
But Iām gonna have to hold on. I wonāt give up.
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You can. Just lock down your phone and pack it or put it out of your reach.
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So today something really intriguing happened.
In front of my house thereās this little guy, probably not even 2 years old.
A couple of months back it was so much different. He used to be scared of me, and never liked coming near me.
But as time has passed heās been more and more close to me.
When I used to exercise heād just watch me from a safe distance. Now he tries to imitate me too.
And today it broke all the barriers, he was hiding from his mother and getting back to me. I was so overjoyed with that 
although I had to take him to his mum and say bye.
He looks at me and smiles a lot now. He comes and sits down on the floor and pats his hand on the ground (asking me to sit with him). He pays a lot of attention when Iām talking to him and does things which I tell him to. It makes me really happy.
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The kid has chosen you
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Almost there. I have to stick to it.
It is during the times of adversity that one gets a breakthrough. I can win this.
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I want to destroy everything that stands in my way.
Iām going to burn it all.
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Okay, so yesterday it was really stressful.
I went into the stress and I kept doing my job but I wasnāt well equipped to handle it. Overall though, I think I didnāt do bad.
Today my mind is paralyzed with the thought of doing that again at the same time Iām asking questions that if not this struggle then what else do I have in option? Failure. And well I really donāt want to fail now. I have to go there again and start my shit.
Itās going to suck a lot though.
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Well
Running away is definitely not an option.
I have to do this.
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You can youāll have to. Comāon Iām rooting for you 
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Iām very glad that I found this picture. Long back I had seen a couple of them when I was riding my bike along a road through jungle.
I was wondering if it was a hallucination. Turns out these parrots really exist.
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I need you to hold yourself right where you are.
No matter how much it hurts youāre going to hold yourself there. Death is allowed, quitting is not.
Fight back like the monster youāve always aspired to be.
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Get up you loser. Get up and fight. Your life depends on it.
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thereās probably no bigger freedom in life than extreme discipline and self control
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so I did 100 suryanamaskaras today and did them under 20 minutes. Iām happy.
Studies are progressing but it is very slow and Iām not happy with the speed. But regardless I got to keep going because when you canāt run you can walk and when you canāt walk you have to crawl. Seems like crawling is the only option for me right now.
Out of nowhere I started to miss the girl Iām supposed to leave behind and I tried to stalk her a bit. I wonder if she has been married to that jerk now. I donāt know.
Today I have to push again and keep pushing. Hold on right there.
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I had this urge to watch porn last night. I locked my phone and threw it away.
And then I woke up in the middle of night and the phone detox was done but I still didnāt do it.
But man what happened to me was I dreamed that I was watching porn and enjoying it a bit. And then I didnāt fap but started feeling guilt about it. I was so unhappy but then I woke up 
oh man the relief that I didnāt watch it
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