Nep's diary (in pursuit of being unbreakable)

The urges are out of control todayšŸ˜‘

Iā€™m getting super sensitive to everything.

Hopefully Iā€™ll have a wet dream soon. I donā€™t know how else this is going to stop

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Let me be fucking free you fucking unwanted desires. You hold no importance in my life. I want a better life. Gtfo! Fuck outta my brain. Let me be a free bird. Iā€™m a lot better person without you. You are just a baggage to me, nothing else. Fuck off!

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It seems like I canā€™t hold it tonight.
But Iā€™m gonna have to hold on. I wonā€™t give up.

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You can. Just lock down your phone and pack it or put it out of your reach.

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So today something really intriguing happened.
In front of my house thereā€™s this little guy, probably not even 2 years old.
A couple of months back it was so much different. He used to be scared of me, and never liked coming near me.
But as time has passed heā€™s been more and more close to me.
When I used to exercise heā€™d just watch me from a safe distance. Now he tries to imitate me too.

And today it broke all the barriers, he was hiding from his mother and getting back to me. I was so overjoyed with that :joy::joy::joy: although I had to take him to his mum and say bye.

He looks at me and smiles a lot now. He comes and sits down on the floor and pats his hand on the ground (asking me to sit with him). He pays a lot of attention when Iā€™m talking to him and does things which I tell him to. It makes me really happy.

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The kid has chosen you

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Almost there. I have to stick to it.
It is during the times of adversity that one gets a breakthrough. I can win this.

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I want to destroy everything that stands in my way.

Iā€™m going to burn it all.

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Okay, so yesterday it was really stressful.
I went into the stress and I kept doing my job but I wasnā€™t well equipped to handle it. Overall though, I think I didnā€™t do bad.

Today my mind is paralyzed with the thought of doing that again at the same time Iā€™m asking questions that if not this struggle then what else do I have in option? Failure. And well I really donā€™t want to fail now. I have to go there again and start my shit.
Itā€™s going to suck a lot though.

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Well
Running away is definitely not an option.
I have to do this.

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You can youā€™ll have to. Comā€™on Iā€™m rooting for you :fist:t2:

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Iā€™m very glad that I found this picture. Long back I had seen a couple of them when I was riding my bike along a road through jungle.
I was wondering if it was a hallucination. Turns out these parrots really exist.

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I never expected this plant to bloom so quicklyšŸ˜‚

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I need you to hold yourself right where you are.
No matter how much it hurts youā€™re going to hold yourself there. Death is allowed, quitting is not.
Fight back like the monster youā€™ve always aspired to be.

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Get up you loser. Get up and fight. Your life depends on it.

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thereā€™s probably no bigger freedom in life than extreme discipline and self control

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so I did 100 suryanamaskaras today and did them under 20 minutes. Iā€™m happy.
Studies are progressing but it is very slow and Iā€™m not happy with the speed. But regardless I got to keep going because when you canā€™t run you can walk and when you canā€™t walk you have to crawl. Seems like crawling is the only option for me right now.
Out of nowhere I started to miss the girl Iā€™m supposed to leave behind and I tried to stalk her a bit. I wonder if she has been married to that jerk now. I donā€™t know.
Today I have to push again and keep pushing. Hold on right there.

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I had this urge to watch porn last night. I locked my phone and threw it away.
And then I woke up in the middle of night and the phone detox was done but I still didnā€™t do it.

But man what happened to me was I dreamed that I was watching porn and enjoying it a bit. And then I didnā€™t fap but started feeling guilt about it. I was so unhappy but then I woke up :joy::rofl: oh man the relief that I didnā€™t watch it :rofl::rofl::rofl:

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Screenshot_20230309-071857

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