Almost there.
I can build up a mind that loves studies or being productive
I can make it. I can put my mind in motion again. I won’t need amusement stuff. I’ll be focused all the time. Cmon man, this is what you wanted. No distractions would be able to put you down. No girls, no movies/games, nothing else.
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A retro futuristic concept had crossed my mind
following this
A thought crossed to me about “radio controlled cannons”
I often imagine about a different course of history taking place, and sometimes it becomes really fascinating on what would happen if certain developments did not happen and that people would master the current technology and make it highly efficient,
So in this I’m thinking about a medieval radio controlled cannon, and also a radio controlled multi barrel missile launcher, medieval style again. If the semiconductors hadn’t made their advancements, just the basic stuff and if radio/wireless technology would’ve been mastered during medieval times, add that to medieval guns and rockets. I wonder how would the wars have proceeded. Sort of a dystopian future type shit except that this is actually medieval world. 
anyways
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God I’m horny
This week has been the horniest one in the months so far.
I need some way to vent it out
Fucking hell
Pushing myself leaves me horny af
Good thing I really want to hit the 200 days mark.
I hope this calms down soon.
Damn it.
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Everything hurts.
It again feels like I can’t take this anymore.
This emotional pain hurts like hell.
Too hard to hold on.
Cmon man, you can do this
I can do this. I can beat this.
Always. I can win against this
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Watch this bro. I know you will like ie.
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thanks bro
I controlled it
My urges went out like rockets, I felt like I was holding them deep inside my mind and now they were free.
But Tratak helped me.
I even had a dream where I had achieved what I wanted and I was ready to move on to achieve something better. I was in a party with several of my friends there celebrating the shit. But a woman, specifically a pornstar (I won’t tell which one lol) comes to me and checks me out. Puts her hands around me and congratulates me and tells me to relax and tries to take me away to some other place 
. I refuse and I tell her about my streak and that I don’t want to break it. It annoys her big time and I don’t even act like a “nice guy” to her. I take her hand off me and I guess when she had put her hands, and basically came close to me I even felt the “busts” against my body. But I pushed her away.
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That’s cool man.
That’s so cool. Hope one day I will also get the same dream…
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A certain thing occured to me.
Every decision you make makes an impact on your mind. Every single choice you make has a very tiny amount of neuroplastic potential. A lot of decisions can change the whole course of your mind. This means being brave is a thing that has to be done with every passing second. Every passing second you have to make a decision that can impact the conditioning of your mind. Having the right decision for a considerable amount will change the neural patterns. This is what we can call practice.
This can change the patterns in your brain.
Choose the right thing every passing second. It can transform you.
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That’s so accurate. That’s why people on high streaks claim to have superpowers, they condition their minds to listen to them and not fall for its tricks and everytime we do that we are becoming stronger 
and more disciplined
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I would never wish for a pornstar to come in my dream even if it’s for me rejecting her proposal 
It’s about the feeling bro…. I will wake up with a feeling of a giga Chad.
Just kidding…
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That I can understand, happened with me a couple of times .
But now a days even my nightfalls are not accompanied with dreams, I don’t even realise something happened until I wake up in the morning 
. I guess that’s a good thing though
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I really hope my diary isn’t spammed like the way it happened with someone else 
. Then his girl left him and he’s in pain rn. I called it out and then my comment gets flagged
That wasn’t a diary bro, the topic was categorised as stories.
I have relapsed
Another bomb dropped in my life.
It will take time to recover
I will be out of this forum for now.
I need to reconfigure myself and start again.
To everyone who came over here, I’m truly thankful for the support.
Those people who said that they got inspired by my journey also boosted my will.
I’ve cried a lot in past few days. Things were chaotic and out of balance. I pushed myself too far as well.
I have got a brain fog. My head is quite dizzy since last 2 days. But I’m hopeful because I can find a way out.
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Take your time bro. But my suggestion is come back soon .
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Just wanted to write an update here.
I’m still keeping away from the forum.
I fought hard. I’m still depressed and I still have to fight harder. Yesterday I came close to 14 hrs of studying(still could not break the record I wanted to). I felt like I’m out of my capacity today morning. But I still woke up early in the morning and did a few things. I don’t feel that I did enough. Last week I also did 102 suryanamaskaras. I was not regular in exercise back then either. I had skipped for 3 days. It took a toll on body. But my sense of accomplishment felt real. However exercise is not my priority now.
In between I cried many times again.
I still have a long way to go. I don’t know if I’ll succeed or if I’ll lose. But I don’t see any other way or any other choice. I don’t have much time left. The situation is scary. I’ll fight on.
I did a lot of stuff yesterday and I’m feeling like my willpower is done today. But I’m trying to recall what would Goggins do? I recall his challenge of 3 months to be a Navy Seal. I see his monster breaking out of cage. I’m writing this to tell myself that I have to hold and I have to fight, even if I’m on the edge right now.
Will be back after a few days again.
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I want to add. Nofap helped me big time. I think I underestimated its importance in between.
I’m thankful that I was able to break out from this addiction when I hit my lowest back then. It is one of the most important moments in my life I’ve lived so far.
My face still glows. And I just can’t ever forget the perpetual exhausted state of my body and mind.
I’m not falling to chaser this easily. In these 200 days streak I fought with the urges everyday. And my mind has certainly become stronger.
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