This fight isn’t over yet
Get up man. No need to stop now.
It sure hurts, but it is just a mind game. Your 100% isn’t done yet. Get up and fight man. I know you want to quit now. But you got to keep the fire burning. There is no other way. This is harder than nofap. 5 times as harder. Maybe more. But there’s no other way.
Get up and start studying again. You know it well. Deep down you want to fight endlessly. It’s all you want to do. Fighting endlessly against the hordes of zombie wishes. With your infinite ammo machine gun. You know that’s probably the most wonderful thing in the world. Awaken the monster within.
This fight isn’t over. And you’re actually going to win this fight. You’ll figure out everything.
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Man it just seems impossible.
My body is even refusing to move.
Because I’m tired, and because of the fear.
It was great so far, I even outperformed myself.
But I did too good for even me to digest that.
What do I do now
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I gave up yet again. Although this time I performed way better than last time. I lost against the mean voice inside. I can’t be Goggins. Nowhere even close to him. It’s such a shame 
I just couldn’t persist at all. I couldn’t hold for long.
I’m disgusted with myself. Now I’ve got no option but to start again.
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Never give up bro. I am here if you need someone to talk to about this struggle. I can relate to feeling so down that you don’t want to do anything.
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Thank you man.
Thank you very much
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You have done great bro… I read ypur diary from your initial days…
You have so many ups and downs… But still you fought… You completed 180 days… Rhats really good…
It happens… sometimes… Don’t give… Just don’t be hard on yourself for some days… Don’t regret… Embrace your urges.
All the best bro.
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I’m ready to take on extra pain. Starting tomorrow. Today was a good day. I’ll go through worse now. Never giving up on my own. And never giving up on my dreams. I’m going to be a monster. Indestructible monster.
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I couldn’t take on extra pain
While it’s not true that I can’t take it
Somewhere my thought process is deficient.
I can definitely picture myself doing it now. At least I can form a better picture than before if not complete
My body is also stronger now. I can do 40 suryanamaskaras with ease. I can also ignore the pain and anxiety. Getting immune to the stress little by little. Can also study better. But I need to shift my thinking more. Just a little more. I can feel it now. Things are possible. I’m getting free from the victim complex and learned helplessness. Endorphins make it better. I just need to stick to this longer. That’s all I need. But that’s probably the hardest task so far. To make this “uncomfort” as my friend. Tbh it has been my constant companion for all these years. More than anyone. I have to embrace this friend of mine. And this companionship will be forever, till the end of my life. Just have to give it the green flag.
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I now feel what this could be.
When a person has an orgasm, it occurs to me that a lot of “tension” is built up and then released. The pleasure is really high and really intense. But it doesn’t last long.
Similarly when I’m fighting my “fear” I build up a lot of tension again. However to release it the effort required is way too much than an “orgasm”. It could be literally 1000x harder, and very few can reach to the reward. The reward again can be also less intensity pleasure, but it lasts much longer. And what you achieve in between of that tension is again a lot more compared to what you “achieve” while orgasming.
Songs do it the same I guess.
Movies and digital content work in the same way, the stories build up a lot of tension. And a happy ending. Video games are also the same, even more than the movies it seems, because you are actively involved in there. To defeat a boss and the reward (maybe a power up for the character)
That’s exactly why runners love their runners high and it makes them to do it more.
That’s why I too get my high while exercising. And it is nowhere near the orgasm high. Also the dangers in the real world are “real” unlike that of digital content, games and sex. While the thrill is same.
I guess only the really brave people are supposed to face this danger in the real world. And I need to be one of them.
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Have you tried running marathon? Maybe you should try that and go upto Triathlon.
Lol
I’m way too weak for that 
David Goggins wouldn’t have said that.
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Right. But for now I need to study hard. Academics has become the “worst fear of my life”. I have thought of running marathons after I figure my shit out of here first. You can read my diary from April itself. I’ve been struggling with this fear for 6+ years now. And this looks like my last chance.
On second thought, Goggins would’ve actually said that. Admitting to his weakness is what he does. And he fails in most of his stuff. He accepts that brutally and then makes attempts to overcome that weakness
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Bro for me 180 days is only a dream. You quiet a champion for holding on that much. Congrats if I can say this, but I know you want to get free for real
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It is important to recognize our weaknesses
Nofap only can’t change your life. It is no doubt extremely important. But it is still the tip of the iceberg. There are many other things that you need to fight for. I still have many other weaknesses and I’m desperate to overcome them. Nofap served as a starting point.
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What fear you talking about bro if you don’t mind?
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This one. I used to be a brilliant student before. But things changed. I began wasting my time into things that were unnecessary, which includes fapping too. I’m lucky that I refused to have drugs and shit so I didn’t develop substance addiction.(I’d like to add, I’ve tried alcohol a few times, and tried cigarettes too. Didn’t like cigarettes at all. Alcohol made me go to pee several times in a row, but after once or twice I began to like it) I know my classmate who faced failures in life, developed an addiction to pot smoking and later committed suicide. Being a failure myself, I understand how he must have felt. There are a lot of insecurities deep inside me even today and I need to face them all.
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I have as well and 80% of them are floating around women. I’ve been locked up in the castle of porn for 18 years, doors and windows in this castle don’t exist, I have to dig through the thick wall of this fucking castle to free myself. And when I see the harsh cold reality, it’s feeling like to go back in the castle, at least is warm and confy in there and I have my harem of girls, I don’t need to learn how to approach a woman in there, I just click and they coming.
But I have this problem, I don’t enjoy slavery no more
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Yeah I was no different back then. And I can still be same person if I go back into that direction. But I got to keep fighting back every second.
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My urges are back again. But this time it is quite different. But they seem “intuitively healthy”. These are different from the toxic urges that I had. It is difficult to explain in words, it has to be felt for sure. I think it was from day 40-50 itself. Those urges were highly compulsive. What I endured from initial time was fucked up, it looks like I’m freed a little. Could it be that from day 40-50 until now I was in flatline? damn. Nofap journey is still not over yet. The world is full of addiction. Fucking hell. I need to be free from different things, especially internet stuff now. I’m sure they have their own version of flatline.
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