You’ve made great progress there brother!
Good job in making the right decision. May GOD continue to transform our hearts and teach us good things.
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Thanks brother @Forerunner for being around here, we need words of value when we feel low or confused. Let’s stear clear from darkness and evil and God will reward us eventually.
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Absolutely agree man, and you’re welcome!
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@Mazerunner your diary is really motivational. I read it all. I feel I’m on a similar “zombie mode”. I want to start doing proper sport but my knees still weak from my aesthetics years. I still young so my chiropractor said I will recover soon. I’ll love to join a martial art gym, preferably boxing. I love boxing, I hope my knees recover fast so I can start training.
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@anon15901281 I love boxing too, it’s my dream to become world champion, but you know distraction of a young man, I chose porn over my career, my dream, real girls, my family, over everything basically and now I’m paying the price.
We paying the porn bills with our lives man and the more years we spend in this evil circle, the harder is to escape. Do it brother while you can and start boxing, because you’ll build a character and that will help you in everything, the discipline you get it in the gym. Bless you brother
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I’m goint to prepare my body. When lockdown is over, I’ll join a full contact dojo. It’s not boxing, but there are no boxing gyms near here, so I’ll take it (full contact) as a way to get ready to box. Thx for your motivation man!
If you want to become world champion on box, GO FOR IT!!! Train, watch videos about boxing, get fit. You can do it!!!
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You should change the title to “crying babies turned into Giants” now.
@HappySoul I can’t, I’ll explain why…in January this year I had this dream.
A Giant was walking towards me in a open field, he was dressed like a roman soldier and as I saw that terrible man I was looking to run or to hide somewhere. This giant was like taller than a utility pole, so I was shocked. So as I looked for ways to hide a voice whispered in my right ear to go and face him, I ignored the voice and still looking to hide but that voice turned a bit angry and with authority said go and face him.
Now I was scared of that voice and I went to face this giant, and as closer we get to each other this giant turn smaller and smaller until when we stood face to face he was like a 3 yold boy and crying and I started to laugh. So I chose to name my diary after that dream.
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@anon15901281 I’m doing it already, and I’m waiting to go back in gym as soon as the lock down goes off.
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Then, maybe “pmo giants turned into crying babies” explains it better. Just a suggestion…
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PMO is not the only giant in my life I have to defeat, there are many more, but is true PMO is the most terrible of all.
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Who you have to defeat is yourself. Keep improvong every day man, you are awesome!
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Day 57.
Is one thing to have the drive and desire to become champion, but to stay hungry when you have that success?
We want to achieve that huge streak of 30, 50, 100 or even 1000 days, but when we finally achieved it what we do then, we want to come back and lose it all, we don’t want to continue.
I have to learn this, to stay hungry no matter what my achievements are. Glory to God.
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Day 58.
I’ve just realised how porn stolen 15 years of my life.
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Day 0
Relapsed after 59 days. I get drunk and I didn’t care anymore about anything. Relapsed due to depression and frustration of losing my job. It’s not the job as much is the girl I’ve been falling in love with her at the job. Pray to God to see her again. No lesson from this relapse, a relapse is a relapse. I’m taking it as a man and move forward.
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Ask God for help when you feel tempted again my friend. He surely will help you
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Thanks @Sacred, I’ll definitely do it.
I’m about to be off this forum for the next 30 days. Glory to Jesus Christ.
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Why the big change? This forum seemed to help you didn’t it? Being in a strong community that also fights the same fight as you is helpful. But if you think this is best for you go right ahead brother. I just feel like it might not be in your best interest.
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Day 10.
31st May. I want to do a summary of my relapses since 1st January 2020.
January - 2 relapses
February - 4 relapses
March - 1 relapse
April - 0 relapse
May - 2 relapses. = 9 relapses in total.
Better than 2019, probably I relapsed then around 50 times, most of them in the summer time.
I want to mark 0 relapses on each month from now on. I relapsed last time after 59 days and 23 hours, sitting alone in my room at 2 AM, with alcohol beside me and feeling sorry for myself.
After that I lost my aggression, my desire to approach God, even I dodged friends phone calls. Soon I realised I’ve been robbed , and I’m not the man I was during my streak, I felt like piece of shit again.
Now I’m back ready to chase my dream, I want to kill giants, lions and champions, ( depression, porn, anxiety, laziness, keep thinking about past, etc.) I want to kill them, not to beat them, to kill them.
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I want you to kill these monsters.
I guess you can’t become the man from your previous streak just by changing your thinking and tricking yourself that you’re the same guy. It’s gone with the previous streak.
You’re back in this shit. Everyone’s here in ths shit. Do small steps, build right habits, increase expectations from yourelf day by day. Build the greatest picture of you from scratch, from here where you are.
You’re capable of greatness. Be patient 
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