Finally 3rd day of coworking week is done, entire day was filled with activities and other operational topics. Although for some reason due to our language differences I many time feel off from the conversations that my colleagues have, and as a result I am seen as a shy/silent guy, although I am a reserved person but I talk a lot if the topicis relevant to me.
I am not sure as it is still too early, but at some level semen retention is helping me not let my guard down like feeling uneasiness or shyness. Or else it use to make things hard for me before.
Overall again a fair day.
Day 18 (02/03/23)
Just a busy day again, so based on my past few interactions, I still have some random thoughts and my mind is bit of unstable. But ya I am trying to shake off the thoughts related to past, focusing again on the good things.
Hey bro, sorry if it was my journal entry that triggered the bad thoughts of your past…
Not at all bro, its just the experience I had in this week while working, I kind of felt off like left behind or something. Honestly I am not really sure many time what should I talk about. Then the interactions I had with people around actually made me think negative at some level, beacuse I am mostly silent, so my mind recalled the days from past and I literally had this impression of there is something really missing in my life, back then I was more like a masochist now atleast I am not.
I believe it has more to do with my personal growth because I am not really enjoying the corporate world but just like anyone else I don’t have a choice yet to move out of it. So just bearing until I find a way out of it.
You know how it feels when you try your level best to fit in but you realise you are different and weren’t suppose to fit in. People will leave you behind today or tomorrow, so its one way or another much better to be alone.
I guess that’s why many rich or successful entrepreneurs are mostly alone or had very fee friends:)
This is somewhat true but I feel slightly different. There are so many beautiful people on earth. I don’t feel that you should stay alone, Ofcourse you need to learn how to stay alone as in most of your journey you will be by yourself but It’s actually so amazing to have a friend who has the same perspective towards Life just like you. They are very hard to find, generally by luck.
I actually feel lucky that I got few friends who are somewhat like me. I had around 7-8 good friends few years ago , and now I got three only. But I genuinely admire that I have them.
I don’t know if I will loose them too or not. Right now I stay at home all day because CA is a distance course, So I only talk with them few times a month.
As you mentioned, Sorry if it triggered any of your past memories.You definitely have more experience towards social life than me.
That was just my view, I don’t know if it will change in future.
Thanks brother, yes I agree if you have that one friend you can trust and share anything you want then nothing like that. And yes it’s awesome if your perspectives are similar but as you said it’s not easy to find one these days. I use to have one close friend back then but after I joined college he changed with time. I was there for others but no one was there for me. So willingly and unwillingly life taught me that the real peace for me is at keeping my distance.
I hope that day won’t come, and your friends will stay close with you.
No worries at all, and you don’t have to be sorry. I’ll be fine, nothing is permanent things keep chnaging that’s the beauty of life you know.
Day 19 and 20
So I couldn’t do much on friday as it was just again a final day of coworking week, had fun this time met new people within my org. Overall a fair day.
Finally this was a great day, went to a simple trip with colleagues, as usual didn’t talk much but had fun with lot of sport events like rappelling with a 120 feet height, did a zip line and many more. Overall had fun, was scared a bit in beginning but after a while I pushed forward and started enjoying all the activities that were aligned for the day.
Now moving forward it’s time to travel back to my hometown, gonna have my night travel, owl mode on
I Hope my body will support me tonight with all the layovers
Day 21 (05/03/23)
Reached home early morning, cause I travelled entire night I am still very lathergic to focus properly. Going to sleep early today, as I am still tired. hopefully tomorrow will be a productive day.
Day 22 and 23
Spent entire day resting and recovering from sore throat and cold. Mostly a recovery day.
Relapsed after completing 19 days, glad that I made it this far. I am also noticing slowly that I have some level of command over my mind now. Urges are also not extreme these days.
So based on my last week observations, here are my next targets.
● Starting first, it takes 21 days to build a habit, so next target is to replace my habit with a productive one.
● It is said if you control 30 days then you will notice some results, so my next streak is to target 30 days on hard mode.
● One thing I noticed was the change of my schedule because of coworking week, it actually altered my overall mindset. So instead of sleeping late I’ll sleep on time and going to wake up early, it literally have a huge impact on your productivity levels.
Instead of posting frequently, I’ll limit my posting to say weekly updates as that way I can actually summarzie my weekly activities.
Oh! The last and only time I did rappelling was in ‘Call of Duty MW3’
Feeling helpless and disturbed beacuse of some events happened to someone close to me(virtually), she is miles away and on top of that she don’t even want to report it for the safety of her and family as the person is a mayor in that country. Since the time I discovered it, I am constantly thinking too much and can’t help myself. All I hope is she recover from the trauma she is going through.
What the hell bro!? I’m so sorry man.
I hope they find the strength to overcome this trauma, whoever they are.
Ideally, it is a good idea to report the crime asap but I’m not in their shoes so can’t really say what’s the best course of action. Also depends on the country.
I hope they get justice.
P.S. I believe you’ve met this person and this isn’t just some random stranger online, cuz there are a lot of scams going on nowadays. This might’ve sounded harsh given the circumstances but I had to warn you buddy. Although, from the little interactions we have had on the forum, I know you won’t fall for such a thing and this is probably someone close to you, in which case, please ignore the unsolicited advice.
Thanks for the advice bro, I may not have met her but I have know her long enough and I genuinely know that she is not faking anything, the country she belongs is mostly corrupted by such morons, there have been cases of abduction and rape, mostly drugged and raped.
Even I encouraged her to report but she won’t do that, I don’t wanna press her further. I just hope the same that she get the courage to overcome the trauma. I am not sure about the justice as majority of the cases go like that staying silent like nothing happened.
It’s very depressing to see where the humanity has come. Most of the cases gets ignored with the help of money.
I don’t know what’s the best thing to do for her but this just feels against human rights.
Day 35 (19/03/23)
Getting back on track now, can’t let the mixed feelings keep me down. Had a long chaser effect for the past few weeks, it was mindless habits mostly. This week I am back again with better focus towards my life goals, also bought my first book which goes by the title “Atomic Habits” and I have to admit that I am liking it, as in the past I was not really into reading books. I made a tiny habit of reading 4 - 8 pages every night before I head to sleep. If this books goes well, I might go with the other suggestions mentioned above
So far, the lesson I have learned is to focus more on the system rather than the goals, making tiny/marginal changes will give remarkable results, Outcome of any new habit will take time or going to be delayed, be patient and lastly habits are the compound interest of self improvement. Getting 1 % better every day count for a lot in the long-run
Things learned this week, at a beginner level:
Started a Python Programming Course - Basics of python programming.
Followed Blender CGI(Computer Generated Graphics) Courses - learned about basics of the interface, basics of modeling, made a cheat sheet along which will come super handy in due time.
Recently spent time on PowerPoint too - Going all the way from scratch.
Some other positive things that I did/followed this week:
Read few posts of how people usually relapse by just watching anime or any other movies which trigger the urges, I realized I had one trigger which was taking me back to the relapse mode which I won’t mention as it might end up becoming a new addiction for people out here.
1)So this week I completely put an end to it as well.
2)Using digital detox app, it literally allowed me to stay more focused on the lectures, I literally used it when I was watching lectures, so my habit of checking my phone for new messages/notifications was blocked by the app.
3)Took power naps whenever needed, so I can focus back with full energy.
Overall a good week, going to continue same for the next week.
As usual, my reminder for this week.
How are you man? Haven’t heard from you lately.
Hey bro, thanks for checking on me. I am fine it’s just past few days I relapsed again, I was fine till 8 days then my bad habits crawled back and not just a relapse but my sleep timing was badly affected too. Somehow yesterday my mind went back to the good habits. So I was bit surprised and happy too. I am now starting again with my weekly plans that I have shared last week and ya I agree I am not much active here as my job is actually eating my time and I end up using the digital detox app which also limit my usage in the phone, so ya quite more like in a ghosting mode.
BTW I hope you are well bro. How have you been for past few weeks?
Good to hear from you bro. I too am not posting on the forum as frequently as I used to. I just check in once everyday and read a few posts. I think it’s good that we’re occupied.