[john98] Long walk to freedom

Cheers! Will be following as much as I can

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D21

Cleansheet: guaranteed

Early morning, lots to do, but all is well. I am a man in form. Enjoying the good times too much to let some urges get me to spiral back to when I was half the man I am today.

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D22

3 am

Cleansheet: :white_check_mark:

Early entry today. Want to talk about that feeling I often get after doing something good and thinking I could have done something better. Like it wasn’t perfect. I gave Xmas presents to the fam and everyone was happy, but then I get this feeling like I didn’t say enough or bring enough energy. But I think perfection is stupid, the important thing is intention, and in the end of the day everyone is happy, so why do I have this feeling. Probably just tired. Most likely it’s the added pressure after missing last years x mas which I spent with my GF at the time.

I know this has nothing to do with porn and shit, but the old me might well have watched something to feel better,instead I am trying to process this uncomfortable sensation.

So to try to change my mindset. Everyone is happy with their presents, so that’s it, success. :white_check_mark:
Am still not using any sexual stimuli :white_check_mark:

Therefore nothing to regret or overthink. All is well.

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It’s good to know that your family got such an awesome christmas! But how did you feel? It was happy for you too! Remember that it’s also important to look out for yourself a bit! Regardless, it’s cool to see how much your mindset has changed in your journey

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Appreciate that à LOT, merry christmas to you!

D24

Cleansheet: :evergreen_tree:

I missed a day of writing here and definitely missed the Daily reflektion. Have enjoyed some quality time with the family. Urges have not been occurring so feel lucky. It is nice to have such good company around which has definitely not given me a lot of alone time which is usually when I’m the most vulnerable.

Merry Christmas to everyone here!

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D25

Cleansheet: :evergreen_tree:

Spending time with fam so no urges to report. Watching a lot of football and tomorrow will get in some physical exercise.

On a side note I am getting better at communicating because it is not always easy to let go of sibling roles from long ago when you meet as adults. Still some work to do on that front, but before my mindset was different and misunderstandings often led to trying to release unmet emotional needs through watching porn.

But now I accept that I have work to do, and that misunderstandings happen but there are more productive and meaningful ways to go about it.

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D26

Cleansheet: :+1:t4:

Was a day filled with kite surfing so am physically exhausted and mentally dead. Couldn’t be happier since there is literally no energy in me to get excited about anything but my bed.

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I’m really glad that you’re having results this great. Having so many days without urges is a big feat, keep it up!

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D29

Cleansheet: :parachute:

All good here. Just exhausted from kite surfing. Excited about finishing December on a high.

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D30

Cleansheet::full_moon_with_face:

Had a nice New Years Eve with the family.
Am happy that I only had one relapse in December and since then I have been on this rewire community and doing my diary as often as I can.

A new year does not change anything significant but it is nice to take stock on the progress made. We kick on in 2021 from here.

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D31

Cleansheet: :white_check_mark:
No Relapse January : :white_check_mark:

Feels great to kick on in January from where I Finished 2020. Have somehow passed 30 days, which I always thought of as a great challenge, without really thinking too much about it.

My New Years résolution is to:
1.quit porn =on track
2.stop smoking=occasional habit but want to cut that shit.
3.no alcohol=occasional drinker, but maybe I will kick the can for good.

D33
2:31 am
Porn free::carrot:

Am finding that I have a lot more self control over my urges and it is something more in the back in my mind than a daily battle.

Porn Is something I have not even typed in a google search for a long time, and same with going incognito.

Not that I am a believer in no fap but I will give myself a week challenge just to improve my self control over sexual urges in general and when I decide to masterbate.

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Try to cut off porn even if you’re keeping on masturbation, even in low dosis it can be dangerous, good to hear you’re doing well!

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D35
22:51

Cleansheet : :white_check_mark:
No fap d1/7 :white_check_mark:

Am under some stress from deadlines I need to get finished. Have one tonight actually. Good thing is am not letning the nerves get to me. Worst thing that can happen is I am late with a deadline and Will in that vase do it tomorrow.

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D37
03:37

Cleansheet: :white_check_mark:
No fap: d1/7

Had some urges yesterday that I was able to cope with. However failed my 7 day target of no fap so storting again.

Very sad scenes from what is happening in the USA today. Quite shocking.

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D37
21:33
“Emotional day”
No porn::white_check_mark:
No fap: :cold_face:lost

Today was a difficult day emotionally for me, after realising I was in the wrong in regards to a breaking down of communication with a friend a few weeks back. But I reached out to apologise for my part in it, and look to leave it behind. Not get stuck on it, and try to escape that feeling of regret by doing something that I know for sure I will end up regretting in the morning.

Finally this no fap challenge I gave myself is going shit, but will try the 7 days free from tomorrow and work on getting back to my sleep habits and exercise routine

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I’m so sorry to hear that John, but what matters is that you’re still trying and struggling with this, as long as you keep going it there’s nothing lost!

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D38
« Back again »
No porn::white_check_mark:
No fap 1/7: :white_check_mark:

Today was a good day. The friend who I apologised to yesterday got back to me and we were able to reconcile, Got a lot of work done and managed to go for a run as well. Just goes to show what can happen when you stay focused on real life progress instead of quick fixes of dopamine from porn.

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I’m glad everything’s alright now! Is better to be focused on something productive, or even something you can truly enjoy!

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