Ok, time to try a new format for entries.
URGE
to google an explicit word
To engage in masterbation
WHAT I DID/am about to do
posted on rewire
Shower and dress quickly
Listen to some audio bible (ephesians 1-5) as i make pizza for dinner wuth my family
Go to bed early as i get tempted if on my computer past 9pm on sunday.
URGE
To search for any remaining undelete content that may have been on my laptop
WHAT I DID/an about to do
Found some and deleted it.
Also deleted the video downloader
posted on rewire to reinforce good behavior
URGE
Not anything in particular, just a very strong desire typical of a Sunday
WHAT I DID/an about to do
Post on rewire to reinforce new behaviors. Block google and facebook for the next 4 hours. Go upstairs to paint my room (phones stay downstairs, house rules and i am glad for it or i would have become vwry addicted to ■■■■).
Post an update around 9 pm before i go to bed tonight.
Reply to all rewire messages today.
All went well. I was able to do some maintenance on some stuff and get the mouldy corners of the bedroom painted nice and white again. Now to reply to a last few messages and head off to read some fiction, then some non fiction, and then the bible before bed.
Sudden urge again to look at explicit content and masterbate
The second desire i started to carry out but stopped myself after a few moments, so partial sucess!
The first seems to have gone. Phew
I am very thankfull that this is now the battle i am fighting, just sudden desires once or twice a week, instead of constant battles. A long way come from my worst.
But still a long way to go!
Now I found here voice typing machine I’m basically just blabbing into it which means I can waffle a lot more so I would actually bother reading any of this because you just waffle. so that desires come back again it’s a quite strong but instead looking up Smurf stuff I want to buy and I’m also posting a parcel.
Okay so Friday went well I did that parcel. Sunday morning as expected really strong urges.unfortunately that’s the side effect of binging on p*** for an hour every Sunday morning from the age of 14 to 20 that’s what you get. I’m learning that now some part inside me is still train to expect that rush every Sunday the best way to avoid that is to stay busy. So today I’ll to the gym then I’ll go and do some 3D printing work and basically it is a case of keeping busy on Sunday and it will go away on Monday. I’m still struggling with these little battles where you learn a new word and you want to go look up a picture of it I’ll just look up a picture or an article.
More on that later though
Getting strong urges right now, so posting on here instead and going to make a little stop motion animation with some lego.
Be strong Brother and don’t give up. When the going gets tough, the tough gets going.
Thanks for the support brother!
It’s hard at times, but also a challenge is good!
That’s actually super cool! I know that takes patience, even for simple stuff!
Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him.
James 1:12
It does, but is a lot of fun when you get the finished product!
Just an update, i had a slip up yesterday. This is the second in the last 14 days and I’m concerned about falling into that once a week habit i had for several years. To stop this i will provide an update next Saturday to report my reaching 1 week, and will also ask a couple of people if i can check in with them once a week for the next month.
You can check in with me. Just write in my Journal and I will write you back Brother.
Thanks for this, i will do!
Made it to four out of 7 so this is where it gets harder.
Tasks for today.
Print a couple of projects.
Sort out my music, archive anything with unsuitable lyrics.
Spend family time
So basically there’s been a load of things I’ve been doing and convincing myself that I would overcome them eventually, and didn’t need to mention it properly to anyone.
Turns out maybe thats the best way, as those who follow the Bibles instructions are told to “bring things into the light”, so here goes.(I can’t find the scripture for it right now) If you read you will probably understand why I have tried to avoid these up to this point, but from now on I will be reporting any instances of the following in my diary.
Peeking at adult videos or pictures.
Searching for adult stories of any type
Searching stuff on sites like quora tht I know will have explicit content on them.
Searching stuff on Wikipedia under the guise of “educating” myself.
Ok here come the big ones. This is going to be painfull but not as painful as keeping them in the dark.
Homosexual encounters under the guise of getting a massage from non legitimate therapists.
Seeking homosexual encounters under the guise of “naturism”
Going to non legit massage places and convincing myself “its ok if you only have a massage”
These 3 are the worst for me because in public I denounce all 3 behaviors but when nobody is looking I keep doing them.
The actions I have taken against the last 2 is to delete the 2 phone contacts i had with people doing these activities. I had considered telling them some bogus story about why I wouldn’t be seeing them again but I will just tell them the truth that I follow the bible, and from this time on must follow it to the letter with no compromise.
I’m not going to edit this anymore or I will procrastinate, and never do it.
I’ll update on each of these problems weekly, with a sime list of which ones I passed on or failed on.
Hey, I’m glad that you came on here and shared your struggles. It’s no easy task to open up like that. I’m sure a lot of others on here would say the same thing that I’m getting ready to say, but you’re not alone in this. As a matter of fact, some of the things that you mentioned are things I’ve been guilty of as well. I’m ashamed to say that I’ve looked up stuff that, while it wasn’t p***, it was definitely lust-bait for me. But kinda like you said, I’d tell myself that I was just educating myself, or trying to find out more about my addiction to help me get free, when really I was just using it as something to lust after.
Even the last few things you mentioned, I’m glad that you trusted us enough to share those struggles. God sees your struggles, too, and He knows your heart, that you want to forsake it. I don’t mean to just throw that out there as a pacifier, because I know that doesn’t make the hardship of it go away. But Brother, just know that you have some friends on here that care about you, and that we’re praying for you, and we’re here beside you in this fight! Keep on going for God! God bless you, Brother!
Thanks for your understanding!
Its been a slightly better week, a few little struggles with searching things that weren’t strictly necessary but nothing else so far!
I think this is one of thw hardest ones to overcome, i think it is a habit that has been long engrained into most people qithout even realising it!
Had a slip up last night, so have reset the counter.
Still clean from ■■■■, inappropriate encounters and allowing homosexual thoughts to linger for 9 days now so some progress made. I’m still not doing so well with ingoring suggestive content, but that will come with time. Thw world is floided with it so that will always be an uphill battle.
Turn from evil and do good. Seek peace and pursue it psalm 34:14