Hubinho's Diary

The only disappointment would be if you had quit. But you are still going. And we are all proud of you brother.

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Those relapses are all experiences Brother. Don’t be sad, learn from it, grow from it and become the best version of yourself. We are together in this :muscle::muscle:

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Thank you @Yitzchak @Tagore this means a lot to me.

Day 3
I was unable to write, as I was chopping wood whole day yesterday and now feel like dead.
I’m going back from home to univ city. Need to fill some documents for studies and meet with girl again. I’ll start eith making a plan for the day as soon as I arrive.

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Day 5
I had wet dreams last 2 nights in a row. Maybe because of that, maybe because of small streak, I feel tired all the time. So just waiting patiently to feel better.
What more. I’m living my best life. Even though I’m unable to live the beast mode like @Tagore or @_TIGER . I really admire them, it’s awesome to do so much stuff during day.
By my best life I mean, I’m happy and do the stuff I want to do. No more slavery to porn. I’m still advancing my relationship with girl. I had great photosession with my thesis in the main building of univ. I have great time with friends. I fix all the things that I was procrastinating for months.
My life is so stressful. Maybe stupid example, but it happened yesterday. I lost my id. First thought, that somebody will take many credits using my id. I should be so panicked. Easy Hubinho, stay cool. I was looking for it everywhere in my room and I found it. I was even more happy.
I still have in my mind great graphic made by Tagore. It’s very important for me recently.
tagore

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Happy to see that I helped bro.
I’ll create more images like this in the coming days.
We are together in this; if you are going through hard times remember you are not alone.
We all are with you. Struggling, getting our shit together, doing hard shit, sometimes crying, moving through rain and storm.
So, don’t worry.
Some lines in a song that I recently heard had a huge impact on me.
This is it bro:
Why worry…
There should be laughter after pain.
There should be sunshine after rain.
These things have always be the same.
Why worry now…

Keep going my friend. We are together :handshake::handshake:

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Hi, Hubinho. Maybe we are can play on chess board. What you are thinking about it?

@Fizuli are you spying on me? I just started playing chess few days ago. It’s great. Everyone can add my as a friend on chess.com, my nick is MR232, we can play :wink:

I’m at the dormitory. Totally no urges as there’s still someone in the room. But there’s one huge dissadvantage. Semester has ended and my roommates do nothing. It’s harder to do something when people around are relaxing. If I want to be great, I can’t be average. I need to push myself. I will post here anytime I feel urge or being lazy. Laziness is waste of time and it’s also exhausting. I feel tired when doing nothing.

I was working out, finally. Now I feel pain in my body, training was too hard perhaps. I will train again as soon as pain is weaker. I’m starting my food diary. I will note calories, protins and carbohydrates. It will help me become stronger.

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I add you, brother. So we can play if you want

Maybe we can make chess tournament where all members of rewire users can play. Also my nickname is NewBlackSprout, and everyone can add me if want

Back on track :slight_smile:

Day 8, Sunday:
It was wasted day in some ways. I was after party, had to wake up early to go to church. I was sleep whole day and was only travelling from dorm to sister’s flat and then home. At home we had party again. Good, lazy time.

Day 9, Monday:
I was hiking in moutains. Lovely experience. There was snow everywhere and the air was rather warm. I was happy. I peeked in the evening. Luckily I was alone only for 2 minutes and my roommates came back, I had to stop.

Day 10, Tuesday:
The best day. I woke up, then praying, then stretching, then breakfast. I did a plan for a day. I was studying. Then dinner, studying again. Working out. Now I will start my food diary to know how many calories, proteins and carbohydrates I eat. Then reading book or playing chess and go to bed. That’s how I want my days to be.
I won’t see the girl for 2 weeks, as she went for studies to her univ city. Or our relationship will advance after she’ll come back, or I’ll finish it. It’s taking too long with no progress.

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Keep going bro :dizzy: :muscle:

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It’s almost 15 days. It’s been going great. I work out, I do stretching, I do plan for a day and stick to it, I pray, I study. Just living how I want to live.
Yessterday I came back home for few days. Today I didn’t prepare plan, there’s chaos in my activities and in my diet. Anyway, mindset is good and I’m satisfied about how I spent this day.

Now I’m feeling an urge. I need to use computer for few things, I’m alone in my room. That’s why I started these things with posting here. I’ll do what I have to do and will go back to family. It’s so much better to waste time watching sitcoms than to relapse.

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I had an urge and touched my dick few times yesterday. So it ended in me having wet dreams in the night. In the next step mi dick was very sensitive today. I was alone so I was opening porn, realizing my mistake and closing it. Over and over for quite long time. As a result I had strong pain in my testicles. I missed stretching session, boxing session and forgot about supper. Don’t even think about peeking!
I don’t count it as an relapse as I was fighting and there was no MO. @Tagore I hope our challenge is still on :wink:
Tomorrow I will have hard workout and will meet old classmate. Tomorrow is another day to my bright future :slight_smile:

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Hello, if you want a book recommendation for your reading segment:

Deida - The way of the superior man

I only read 10 pages and had to take a break, it hits so heavy. You seem to be on a path for life goals. Then this book is the right one.

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literally my situation today, but I found this!! : When I have those huge urges and I THEN dont do anything until they are over, I need MUCH less sleep the next day. Like the energy I would lose when MO’ing reabsorbed into my body.

If you didn’t watch porn conciously then it is not a relapse bro. But, these are all very dangerous activity me. Trust me, when you are doing it you are activating the same neural pathways of this addiction.

Stop!!!

Don’t search for girls. Don’t look at pics. Don’t use phone.

Through it out the window and break a glass and say I won’t give up

This addiction won’t conquer me.
I’ll accept the pain and will suffer. But you cannot conquer me pmo bi***!!!
We are together bro. Keep going.

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Thank you brothers.

I’m okay. Only this. I’m home and I live so unregularly here. I will come back to univ in few days. Aim for these few days is not to relapse. I’m not thinking about it, I’m planning my day, I’m doing my best.

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Last few days were really bad. I was at home, so much time alone, I was waisting this time. I had many urges. I was going bed late. Then I had to wake up very early, before my mother starts her job at home, no second breakfast to not interrupt her. I was sleepy all the time. You know, just all the worst things. I couldn’t manage my life at home for some reasons. I was missing home, but few days there are more than enough.

So on Thursday I was going back to univ city. Train was very early so I was extra sleepy. When riding a train, I saw horrible crash, my train hit the car. It was flying in the air, I saw it in slow motion for some reason. Thank God only car was totally wrecked, the driver was ok. The crash gave me strong, strange feeling for the rest of the day.
Then I did some paperwork for the univ. After that I came for a dance lesson. After lesson we decided to party.
Yea, for the whole Friday I had horrible hangover and wasn’t able to do anything.

It’s finally Saturday. I’m feeling good and had a good sleep finally. I did a plan for today and about to make it happen. Glad to control my life again after these few days.

My 15 days challenge with Tagore is almost over. Glad we’re winning. It’s my first step to the final victory :slight_smile:

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Flatline hit me strong

Things are weird. I need to meet this girl to advance our relationship. She seems commited, she often starts conversation etc. However, we haven’t seen each other for a month. I was home few times last month, but man. Now she’s talking that she has covid at home. I don’t know, I don’t know her. Or we will meet in two weeks, or I will finish it.
I had some misunderstandings in the group of new people I met. I shouldn’t be thinking that much about it.
I have horrible pain in my shoulder and neck after last night. Perhaps I was sleeping in bad position. I can’t move my head. It’s so irritating.
I was in two different churches in a row for a sunday Mass. Priest were so horrible. I was sitting there and thinking “fuck you man, are you drunk or sth?!” I was in the church!!! Government is same shit here. I need to concentrate or me, not about shit around me. I’m in the big city, I just need to go for a bus and go to the church I want. That’s so simple. Why it isn’t so simple in my head.
I’m dissapointed with myself. I work, but I should work harder. My streak is big, so I have that energy in me. I know that I can do better. The only thing that I succeed is working out and keeping diet. However, my muscles aren’t growing. That’s another thing that makes me sad.
Week ago I was at home for few days. I’ve been there doing nothing and everything was interrupting me in doing anything. I hate my will, it’s so weak. Few interruptions and days are ruined. Fuck it kurwa.
I want to achieve sth!!! Today there’s working out, dinner, book and going to bed. I want real gf, job and strong muscles. I don’t want to live until I achieve it. Everything all sucks.

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One thing I learned from my experience, is that sometimes we want to rush God. Such as, when God told Abraham and Sarah that they would have a son, they rushed God by making their own plans.
Perhaps, God has not allowed you to meet your significant other yet, because he realizes you are not ready. All my life, I’ve been searching for “the one” not knowing that the One I was really searching for was God. Who has been with me since the beginning.
Jesus himself says: “The person who loves their parents or wife more than me, is not worthy of me.”
I realized I’ve been desperately searching for girls and putting them on pedestals when they are just like us. Human.
Seek first the Kingdom of God, and your desires will be fulfilled.
I realize that now. I do not search for girls because I am already in a relationship with Christ, like every other believer. And I’m happy now.
Best regards dear brother.

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