Gunsblazaing's diary


#102

Buddy can you leave me the hell alone. I just relapsed and feel like shit. I’ll reply to your “helpful” comments when I feel like it. I’ll answer this one though just because it’ll help the admin solve the problem. There is a browser inside this app, whenever you click a link it dosent open up another browser it dose the whole thing from inside the app. You go to wherever the link takes you as if done by an actual browser, and you can search for anything you want from there. That’s how you do it. So if got nothing helpful to say don’t say anything, Plus it’s my diary. So that’s that.


#103

@gunsblazing

Buddy,
It’s morning here in India. I just woke up around an hour ago. Very sad to hear the news. I know how you feeling right now.

But stay cool brother. We are all here for you. You have reached a good streak last time. Make this streak better than last. Am sure you will. Just be calm. Meditate and go back to your normal life.


#104

Thanks man, I feel very disappointed in my self right now. Once I started looking for dirty shit one thing led to the other. Even when I had the idea my heart started beating fast, I knew it was wrong at least my body did. Can feel the difference the low energy and all the consequences are starting to pour on me. Btw how was your fourth day? Hope it will be amazing, reach day 7 brother. I’ll get motivated just by seeing you reaching day 7. Best of luck man. @Aragorn


#105

Read my diary brother. I have written 4th day in detail.


#106

So sad to find out you relapsed brother. We’ve all been watching your journey with pride and encouragement.

It can be really painful coming back from a relapse after making great progress. I’m a grown man and I cried after coming back to square one. But we shouldn’t hate ourselves or beat ourselves up. The same person who relapsed is the one who chose every day not to do so and experienced a much better, fuller life loaded with benefits.

There was a time that 7 days was an absolute battle to achieve. Your streak wasn’t a waste.

I read a book about overcoming pornography addiction yesterday, and at the end, it had success stories of people who hadn’t gone back in over 5 years. What stood out about them was that they had really built up mental barriers to keep them living their best life. Unless we become monks and stop using the Internet, television or media in general, we will always come across P. No filter can save us from that - it’s the sad reality of our damaged society. But when we have the strength within to reject it instantly, it will not affect us.

Keep fighting brother.


#107

Sorry for harsh words, but it really feels bad when someone blames others/external situations rather than accepting his own mistakes fully.
Removing the browser may cause the thumbnails of the motivational YouTube links to disappear. That is the problem. Sorry again. You were going good. May you rise again. I was much worse one year ago. I should not talk to others like this.
Peace


#108

Thank you so much brother, you are a great motivation to me. Your words are always helpful and thank you for sticking with in this journey, may you achieve your goal and live a great, happy life.


#109

Hey man no problem I should apologise my self, i said some mean stuff yesterday and the relapse played a huge part in making me depressed. And honestly I don’t really care about YouTube or anything, even though your advice was a bit harsh it stood to me and I remembered it afterwards. Doing what you said, building mental barriers is a great way to kill urges, but to me, I find blocking every useless app is a great soultion, I still browse and buy stuff but I do it on the laptop, beocuse I still need to use them sometimes, school, work, and for a hobby or to learn something new. I blocked every social media and every browser and everything that leads to bullshit. To break bad habits, and also to not have an easy access to P. Now I’m not saying you should apply to yourself, each person has their own strategies, and I have mines. It is what helped me achieve a 24 days streak, but then I failed to realize the mental barrier startegy which could’ve helped me survive yesterday. Now as for who to blame, I didn’t blame anyone, I blamed my self, but I’m trying to block what lead to my relapse so I wouldn’t repeate that mistake in the future, I don’t know if taher read the message or not, but I still do think having a browser in the app is a big problem for those who struggle.

Wish you the best on your journey brother, and keep going with your amazing streak. @ankitk


#110

Day 1 out of 3-
As expected day 1 is the worst day you can experience after achive a long or a decent streak that 24 days was my highest ever and I Miss it. I miss having those great benefits that I experienced everyday, I miss feeling the benefits grow more and more, I miss having confident, I miss having energy, I miss being the master of my own mind. But that’s gone a 1 single bad decision and all that progress went down the toilet. But his time I’ll go even further with knowledge and friends standing by my side, I’ll reach my last streak and go even further… let me cross a week and days will fly by becouse how easy it’ll get, but this time I won’t let my gurard down… As in for today, I had very bad headache and my Brain is everywhere, my heart is messed up but it’s going back to normal. Today was full of regret I kept thinking about all the stuff I could have done. And that’s it for today app will block it self. Lol.

Peace


#111

Day 2 out of 3, 1 day until goal’s achived:
Today was better than yesterday, surprisingly I had some confidence today, and I acted normal I didn’t feel akward or afraid, I just acted normal. But still, I had brain fog, my energy was very low, and worst of I went back to looking like a zombie. But today wasn’t very very bad like yesterday. But it wasn’t like before, when I reached a high streak. I tried to practice my hobby even though It felt kind of uninterested and I was very impatient and wanting to do stuff fast, not as before where I had all the time in the world and that dopamine boost it gave me, man it felt like it was the best thing in the world. But nevertheless I still forced my self and done something. I keep saying “before” and “before” but what I want to do, and I WILL is bring that before To me I’ll get to what I reached and go beyond. I’ve been keeping extra alert these couple of days because I know, if I relapse (which I don’t plan on doing ever, ever again) I’ll get stuck in the cycle for God knows how many days or months, or even years! I’ll go for 7 days after I achive my small goal and keeping increasing little by little.

#NeverAgain


#112

@Aragorn , what happened brother, I saw you relpased one day ago, is everything ok?


#113

How well you propose to arrive at 7 days one of my goals was to arrive at 6 days and I go on day 9, it is not easy, nothing easy but it is not impossible, everything is that you believe that you really are making a big change You can egrale desire not to believe this but the momneto not to recar every day that passes is one day more happiness and you know it and that’s why friend sees for those 7 days


#114

Day 3 out of 3, next goal is 7 days:
Didn’t go to school today, I stayed home cooked my self something, went to work on my certification, and tried to stay productive. I slept a lot tho, and when I woke up I did some work going to take a cold shower, meditate, and do prayer. Today wasn’t that bad, I thought it would be much worse but thank God, beocuse of my decent streak last time im not all the way in the bottom. Can wait to achieve day 7 I want to cross the cycle period and get some of my benefits back. Will update tommrow on day 4.

Peace


#115

Couldn’t update yesterday, I was busy, and app locked it self before I could wright.
I noticed that my last relpase time wasn’t the best time becouse when I write my diary I reach the day after it 1 hour before I write my diary, so I’ll just go with it as if was writing about it that same day.

Anyway, day 4 out of 7: also kinda day 3
Slept a lot and was a bit akward and lazy, confidence level was shit. Had mood swings the whole day and was angry and pissed off, for good reasons and for not so good reasons. Althogh I’m glad I didn’t even think to turn to P after the stress. Thats pretty much it will meditate and pray.

Peace


#116

Day 5 out of 7-
Today was alright, Although I got sick, and got pretty tired for the whole day, I talked very little, but I still am getting my benefits. I feel like I’m getting noticed more, people look up to me , aslo they come and talk to me, I had very good confidence levels, also I feel like my face is brighter, even though I’m pretty sick, you can tell the difference on my face and how it changed. I imagine if I wasn’t sick, benifts would be much better. But oh well, I’ll have to wait to get well again and try them out!

Peace.


#117

I always got sick when 5-7 days after last relapse. I think it’s similar as drug addicted got at the same time. Drink hot tea and think about what to do when you’ll feel better. You don’t want to be sick again, so don’t relapse :wink:


#118

Day 6 out of 7-
I don’t want this to become a pattern but I really don’t have time these days, I forget about the diary plus the app locks in 30 mins everyday which is a good and a bad thing, but mostly good.

Today was better than yesterday, I’m still sick but I can feel the difference, I’m getting more patient, more confidence and I became a much happier person. I’m more optimistic and can handle situations better, also have much more energy. I noticed that I talk a lot about benifts, I do want to talk about other stuff but benifts is the thing I care about you the most, in this journey I will become a better person and live a much happier/genuine life.

To a high streak we GO :muscle::facepunch: 1 more day


#119

Day 7- goal achived, next 9 days :slightly_smiling_face:

All going great, a lot of energy, today went great. Had some mode swings but doing pretty good.

Still busy so can’t write a lot.

Peace.


#120

I go to my 5th day I feel calm, I am not so very annoyed and my erections are firmer and I go for 12 days


#121

day 8 out of 9-
Yesterday was alright, I didn’t have much akwardness but did come across moments where I didn’t know what to do, didn’t meditate, still busy. I had some HUGE mode flips, sometimes I didn’t know if I’m depressed, happy, angry, or chilling. I think I’m getting into a flatline, hopefully not but we’ll see.