Gunsblazaing's diary


#1

Here we go. Facing my feaes, writing everything down to keep me motivated and aware of this shitty addiction. Remembering why I started Nofap.
A step to destory this addiction.


#2

Day 0 - my relaspe today really affected me at work seconds felt like minutes, minutes felt like hours and hours felt like a whole day. I didn’t really talk to anybody expect those who needed my help, I help then go back to my depression. I was very depressed the whole day. Used any free time to think about strategies that help me with my journey on nofap. One of them was inspired by a fellow nofaper @Aragorn.
Which is:
Right when I get an urge I write down …
What I’m feeling right now
What do I want to do
What am I going to do
What are the consequences of what I’m going to do
What are the benefits
Any negative/ prostive affects that result beocuse of what I did.

With God’s will, this addiction will start to fade away after the first week of Nofap.

Edit: also forget to mention the numbness, feeling no emotions what so ever.


#3

Happy to know i inspired you.

Keep going brother.

Am on DAY 4 now.

We will win this together.


#4

Day 1 out of 7-
Today I had an Ok day but it’s probably because its the day after the relapse, meaning that tommorw and the day after will feel like shit…

I woke up in the morning and I’m starting to build a habit of getting up instantly after I wake in the morning which is definitely good and the reason I relapsed last time is beocuse I woke up and didn’t get up untill 1 hour or so later, Which of course I used that valuable time to edge and ruin my life, but no more. Later on i got on a shopping website to check my order and found out that a couple of relapses ago I used that website to edge, which lead me to trying to figure out how to delete my history and in the process I faced a triggering photo which I try not to make a big deal out of it and just forget it. I didn’t let my self think about it that much so that’s good. After I went to work and today was better than yesterday I was more aware and everything, but then an urge hit me and I thought… what better time to use my new strategy better than this. So I started thinking about my strategy and arranged it in this order:

Think about what I want to do
Think about the consqunces of my doing
Are their any benefits of what I’m about to do?
Do what I want to do after the last step
Positive and negative affects that resulted in my doing.

And sure enough after that. The urge was gone.

After I got home I did my prayer immediately and didn’t lay on my bed like I used to do.( A new habbit I’m trying to make my self get used to)

And after i close this diary I’ll meditate and go to sleep.

*Day 7 here we come


#5

Wonderful wonderful wonderful
Keep going brother

Am on 5 days now.

I will hopefully complete my first goal of 7 days on 31st December.


#7

Best of luck brother this time we definitely are going to hit it.


#8

Day 2 out of 7-

Just like I thought… I was depressed today and sad, no energy at all, though I went to work I bearley satyed awake and when I moved I moved slow beocuse of the low energy. Brain fog had appeard and is still here. Had a bunch of urges but with the use of my new strategy they all disappeared and was aware of my self. I’m trying to build a couple of new habits and meditation is one of them. I’ll try to workout and spend my time on productive things even though I feel like shit.
Anyways I know all this will be gone as soon as I reach a 7 days streak most of it at least, inculding the urges which is what I want gone the most…

I just want time to go by quickly so I can reach a high streak but time is very slow, and usually I fap my way into it, but that is no soultion. This time I’ll use it wisely and make every second count, building new habits forming social skills and everything…
For now my social skills are ok but I know it will be much better in the upcoming days, I will be more confident meaning easy search for words, maintaining eye contact, and all of the other stuff I have been absent to.

Hopefully my communication will get better with the opposite gender beocuse right now it’s not the best it could be but it gets me through situations.

Other than that, that’s all I have, I wanted to write a shorter diary but I had to drill the negatives, postives and goals into my mind.


#9

I am wishing you very best for the 3rd day.

I want you to survive the 3rd day.

Beat your mind each day.


#10

Will do coach

…


#11

Day 3 out of 7-
Today I was also kind of depressed and sad, went to work and didn’t talk at all, social awkwardness is stornger than ever and couldn’t have a full conversation. But the day is almost over which is good because that’s when I usually relpase. Also had a bunch of headaches and mode kept on switching sad to happy to depressed to angry to lost, over and over, this is when my mind really wants me to relapse but I won’t do it, a lot of people relpased today, I don’t want to be like them. I will start this new year with a good 4 days streak.

#nofap2019


#12

Make sufferings your friend in this journey. Without there help you cant pass.

Walk over cactus… till your feet starts bleeding…
Pain is your friend… invite him to dinner…
Sleep with Pain.
Pain will guide you.

Jump in Fire… Till you turns into ashes…
Make Fire your friend.
Wake up each morning with Fire.
Fire will make you tough.

Go & meet a Lion… Fear as it Roars
Make fear your friend.
Walk with Fear… Talk with him… If he leaves you… chase him down the streets …
Fear will go away.

Good Luck for 4th day.
I will see you on 5th day.


#13

Dont take it seriously about cactus,fire & lion… thing… it was used as symbols.
:smile:


#14

Hahah of course man thanks for the motivation.


#15

Day 3 still 5 mins away from day 4 saw some reavlaling shit yesterday night nothing too revealing but still it stuck into my mind. I should’ve stopped , I should’ve known this would be my down fall. Anyways I’m locking that device I used to see that shit. No more seeing anything reveling.


#16

Nope, just kidding on that last part. Actually the shit I saw isnt on my mind right now. Infact I was able to push it off mind that same night. You may ask how?.. Well simply because of meditating. With meditation you learn how to keep thoughts off your mind, how to push them away and much more. Even though I didn’t do it continusly since my last relapse I did it every day. So that what helped me push it away from my mind. Kudos to headspace.


#17

Day 4 out of 7-
Thoughts of me viwing that shit that I saw yesterday ain’t in my mind, for the most part. Energy is better today I worked out as well. For a while too! Anyways i spent this day wisley, and I have to keep doing so. Can’t forget the prayer habit and meditation that I have to keep doing everyday.
Feeling pretty good right now only wish I didn’t see what I saw yesterday my day would have been much, much better. Anyways, to make up for yesterday night i will be avoiding any “edging” stuff.
Day 5 HERE WE COME


#18

Slap yourself … but dont ever watch something erotic.

Become like a monk…


#19

Day 5 out of 7-
Doing ok today still building my new good habits, they are almost a habit. Feeling more aware of my surroundings and more alert. Can have a conversation and make people laugh. Day 7 is just around the corner and can’t miss it. Had to use my strategy quite a bit today had some pretty strong urges, mainly because I was stressed today but I didn’t let my brain get the best of me. I stop it and thank about my strategy it’s in my mind now. All the questions I ask my self they are in mind all the answers are in my mind, and I have to drill them in it so urges would have no chance of controlling me. Prayer and meditation are my next goal for today.

#Nofap2019


#20

Meditation ans prayer done. Feeling great.


#21

Dont even take a look at the erotica… become like a kid… reject all sexuality in real life also.

Looking forward to your day 6.