Failures notebook

The habit that lead me to being a failure. I will write about my entire day here in summary

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Day 3 Woke up 7 am workout and exercise till 9 then took shower and had breakfast started to study reasoning with minimal to no focus solved 2 questions entire day and now going to sleep at 10pm
Did nothing productive whole day

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This is unrelated to daily activity

I wanted to share a little about myself
So.
As a kid (male) i struggled with my health that lead me to being very bad in studies, my family was financially struggling in the beginning but later on my family got little stable financially and i got better health wise, we were not rich but had enough to eat. But my grades were still poor. As my basic were week and my family never expected anything from me. I had no friend. But one day i decided to study as hard as I can and started doing it consistently, got better grades, and in 10th standard i shocked everyone around me by securing 5 rank in my school. Everyone thaught i cheated in exams, so I did it again in 12th standard, 2nd rank this time. But guess what happened i got mobile phone and internet access as gift from my parents before starting college, the addiction started, now haven’t passed any exam since 2018
I still have birds as my friend no human, not because I am shy but because people don’t want to talk to me for some reason, may be because I am creepy or ugly, infact people with whom I attended school for 7 years still don’t know my name some even don’t recognise me that I was there class, so once again I am a failure
Today I woke up at 6 did workout and running
started studying at 10am
Gave 2 mock tests scored decent
Research on Actuarial science as I am aspiring to become one but seems like fantasy for now
And will sleep around 10

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Familiar situation. I’m clever enough to study and have good grades but I’m just lazy to do it. PMO made me so unmotivated and lazy that I became stupid from not doing anythin. I fell like my brain turned into a jam

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Day 4 Woke up at 7 and mostly did nothing productive. Ihave started to realise that it’s more like phone addiction and not poorn addiction for me so I will minimise use of phone from now on only use phone to update this diary

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Day 5 As I said that I have more like phone addiction induced by high speed internet so I will try to spend as less time as possible on my phone, so thats why I am writing this post already
I worked out at 7 am did some situps, my legs still hurt and today I will try to get as many productive hours as possible by studying hard.
I will update about how study session went tomorrow

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Day 6 So the plan tomorrow was to use phone as less as possible and it partially worked because I was able to study for like 30 minutes with good focus I will try to do the same today
I woke up at 6.30 today took a nice walk in nearby park and exercise in the sun
Took nice long shower
And today I feel like being happy for no reason will probably sleep by 10

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I am in 10th class I never got good mark but enough to pass and the rest is same as you my addiction started in 2020.

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Day 7 So woke up this morning at 8 the unnecessary happiness is gone and the reality has struck me again that I am a failure who has achieved nothing, it’s day 5 for me today did little work out as whole body is hurting because tomorrow’s run, will be spending less time on internet as it partially worked tommoro again as I studied for 1 hour straight after long time will sleep around 11 today as I woke up late

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Day 8 Woke up at 6 workedout good and soaked in sun and everything same as usual today I will try to study for 3 hours with maximum focus, will share the results tomorrow
Two things to add
First is that I am trying to use as less phone as possible like only 15 to 20 minutes just to update this diary and nothing else
Second is any time I get urge I get up and start going outside even a little urge I fill I will leave my bedroom immediately
Helped a lot so far.
Will probably sleep around 11
And yes thanks everyone reading this, i never thought that 100 people will be interested in my pathetic life story

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All of The people here on this forum is just like you we all are pathetic we are shameless but we wanted to change ourselves that’s why we all are here we are here to motivate each other also I am here to read what you write so keep it up I am
looking forward to your journey. :heart:

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Day 9 Woke up at 6 had to go out on traveling for some household chores, hence didn’t get any workouts done but I will try to add some fatigue my body as it helps to sleep better, still trying to avoid phone and internet as much as possible. Will probably sleep by 10 or 11

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> This is unrelated to the daily activity

I am really trying to add strict discipline to my life, because I just realised that discipline is the thing I lacked all this time. I will try my best to turn this time around and turn this diary to winners notebook, as I have stopped this dirty deed and spent some time off of internet i think I can think little bit more clearly. I still don’t know if I can stick to this routine and continue to think this straight. But this time I am desperately in need of something to hang on, if I give up this time this might be the end of my patience

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Day 10 Got a really strong urge but some how managed to overcome (because of internet) but got out of bed immediately, was surfing something important on the internet and suddenly some provocative ad showed up. Any ways, will probably try not to touch my phone from now on no matter what happens
Can’t workout because of some festival that came up today (basant panchami). Will try to workout tomorrow no matter what, because it’s 2 straight days without workout, will probably sleep around 10

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Day 11 Got a little urge again while using YouTube but survived
Workedout really good today and walked about 8 kilometres feeling tired but satisfied, but still study not very productive, will try to fix it tomorrow. will sleep around 10

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Need Advice what new skills should I learn to keep myself off of internet. And to fix the problem of people ignoring me

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Day 12 A really bad and unproductive day woke up at 8 couldn’t workout but did little morning walk and very less study, will try to study for atleast 3 hours productively to compensate tomorrow will sleep around 11

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Day 13 up on internet again but this time working on my content
Woke up at 8 workout decent
Didn’t study again but researching on my content will sleep around 11

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What are you interested in? How would you like to spend your time when you aren’t studying?

We can’t control how people respond to us, we can only control ourselves. If many people are ignoring you, perhaps you need to repeat yourself or be louder when speaking. Be positive and pay attention to other people, some will pay you back in the same way. The others, forget about them, don’t waste your energy on people who bring negativity to your life.

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Day 14 Thanks for the advice first of all to everyone, as I just realised I am being very self centred.
As for my day shitty day
Got less workout stomach issue from past 2 days today just issue got worse
Hoping to recover soon
I will spend less time on the app
And update the diary every time I can

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