Day 36checking in…
Got triggered in an unexpected way today. Mind can do such weird gymnastics to get triggered lol. Since it was unexpected I had to look for a solution and found a solution.
I’d say it was a big urge but i handled it because i looked for a solution. The urge calmed down. Feeling happy.
I am also feeling good. I was thinking about my last streak. I have learnt from the mistakes of my last streak and avoided the holes this time. My last streak ended due to edging. Soon just after that i relapsed. This time i choose not to allow that. Anyway i need to sleep. Bye, diary.
Day 39
I was seriously struggling yesterday. But i am hanging on. Lol i need a vacation. But i have no vacation in sight… I have to ride the storm.
Got over an urge yesterday in the middle of all this. I stopped myself. The reason being my reasons for noPMO. The urge couldn’t stand in front of me anymore, because of my reasons. My reasons are clear to me.
Good thing is i didn’t even need to execute my plan.
Finally, this part may seem random.
Lesson for myself today is: “what you do, comes back to you.”
I need to continue my journey.
In this journey never be depressed.
But keep trying and trying and giving your best.
Well done, yeah I have to admit the urges can be a nasty peace of work. It spoils the good vibes a bit (not wanna be discouraging or negative, but realistic), but the awesome thing is when you think back on it you feel stronger you just feel purely awesome! It is something you just can’t discribe after you are over the ( I feel sort of bad for having the urge kinda moment).
The best thing I do when I get an urge is to feel positive about it. Thinking about it like a new challenge and getting stronger and getting closer to the better version of me! ( Just another disclaimer I am not looking down on you in the line of “Uhhh, you conplain about an urge” tipe of manner) Urges are hard and real and everyone is handling it in their respective ways. I am keeping an open mind and sharing my method. Hoop it might give you a fresh fighting spirit, maybe try it to help you.
I do use that. Don’t how much it helps others but it helps me. Dealing with urge is kind of a fun thing for me. I don’t let my guard down though. That would be foolish.
But sometimes it’s not fun. Not gonna speak of that scenario cause it may trigger some people if they read it
Always. “No matter how we feel, we always have the power to choose that is best for us.”
Many times knowing that, having that belief is a total game changer. I don’t know how many times urge simply vanished just for having this mindset.
@Forerunner Thanks for dropping in. It’s nice to talk with you, dear brother.
Day 47 check-in
I had to put up a big psychological fight against anxiety today. I got filled with anger. I was super agitated and ended up mistreating my close family member today. I will be alert from now on to not hurt others.
You will notice I talk about both my life struggle and also noPMO struggle here. The reason for that is psychological stress and emotional pressure are trigger for me.(I am not addicted to PMO anymore so I don’t have problem with the normal occasional urges).
But mental stress and emotional pressure are trigger for me. It’s like a call to the dark side so to speak… Anyway, So, for the Last 47 days I’ve been living in trigger… The whole time! Yeah, it is that bad. So, now you know my story. But now story time is over. Now, it’s reporting time!
Report: Eating healthy Sleeping well Taking care of myself
Day 48
Unfortunately, today was same as yesterday. As if that was not bad enough, i was going to make a big mistake today. i was about to make my 1st slip of the streak. I was about to peek. And peeking is the doorway to relapse. My brain knew I won’t budge at all about the thought of doing M. To bypass that, this thought came to my mind : “peek. Nothing will happen.”
Due to mental exhaustion i didn’t argue. Now i realize, how irrational we become when we are emotional.
Deep down i know if i interrogated myself i would not decide to go with it.
Right at the moment i was about to go all in and placed my hand on my keyboard to search electrical power shutdown occurred. Now if i think about it… It feels like hand of God if i have to be fairly honest. I regained my composure soon and realized i was about to make big mistake. electrical power came back on right after that. It was surreal.
I had to take several short naps to stay mentally strong and energized to maintain a healthy attitude. Exercise also helped me.
I am meeting my goal of Studying regularly which is good.
Report: Eating healthy Sleeping well Taking care of myself
Remember that we are not burdened with anything we cannot bear. There is always a way out. You can overcome this stressful period of anxiety as well with His Help.
Eating healthy