edits 3/6/22: I am working on streamlining the journal post to make it more beneficial to readers.
Note from 17 August, 2020: I have added a guide. what works for me to stay clean. It mainly addresses the mindset that has worked for me. Feel free to learn from it. Scroll down and you can see it.
Guide: This is what i have used to to stay clean in my journey. I have shared this before with some people. Now I am putting it here in case it benefits others.
It can be a long read for the taste of some people. I will say take your time. And understand what I have written down.
There are 4 sections. Read them in that order. Each section can be seen using drop down arrow symbol:
This journey is about just one day. Today.
I take it one day at a time. To me this journey is about just one day. Today. I know just today in my life i won’t be doing PMO.
This used to be me months ago:
“It’s just one day at a time. Just one day. Don’t think about how many days. When wake up make conscious decision that i am not doing it today. Live your life.”
After making this a habit, in present days, i don’t have to do it when i wake up anymore. It has become ingrained in my brain.
For some people one day may seem tough. If that’s the case i will say give yourself breathing room and “take it one urge at a time”:
Your reasons are important. Once i found good enough reasons my streaks skyrocketed. Just because: now i care more about staying clean and see myself succeed. I cared. doesn’t matter how i’m feeling now, good or bad, I care about staying clean. and That kept me clean.
Take this for example. When I saw things like this I asked myself i also have urge like this. same as him. totally same. But at this urge I relapsed. But he is not. He did not give in. Why? Because for some reason this person wants to not relapse.
As I said before, Once i found good enough reasons, I cared. and That kept me dedicated to stay clean. my streaks skyrocketed.
i found many reasons live a noPMO life, during my journey. But they were not written down/compiled in one location. I am thankful to the forum because When I joined “Last person standing challenge” in the forum, one of the task was to do this:
for these questions wrote down as many answers as i can. like a list having 1, 2, 3,… and so on. I will suggest you to do same. write down answers for the two questions.
if you need idea how it should look, read this to get ideas: Why You want To quit
Your reason need to be good enough that you care enough to not relapse. and Read your answers daily.
My advice would be, reread it also when feeling like giving into an urge. Over the course of years, i have been damaged so much that now i have all them listed (like in a note in my phone). It is synced across all my devices(so i have access to it all the time. even when I am lying in bed). I read it and realize there is no point in going back.
But Your reasons need to be good enough that you care enough to not relapse whenever you have an urge. That’s the point:
See the trend? 3 different people using the same thing.
Discipline is the next piece of the puzzle
(the image was shared by user Aragorn I think) Anyway, if anyone asks me how can I be Disciplined? The image has the answer. This is what you want most: staying clean from this addiction.
Why do you need to be disciplined? :
You are all set. Now the only problem you may face are "big" urges
Some urges can give you big trouble. With all the mindset i mentioned before, if you are equipped with those mindset, now you have to do only one thing: You have to find a method to deal with big urge. When there’s urge for example, Special_Bird goes out and runs outside. Some people simply go and talk with family members/works in front of family members rather than being alone at that time. point is, you have to do something else that is most beneficial to you to prevent relapse.
Remember: “Urge comes, urge goes.”
urge always goes away. Having this knowledge is enough to give you the strength to not relapse. You just have to let the urge pass. with time the urge will go away. During that time, you have to do something else that is most beneficial to you to prevent relapse.
And don’t worry about when the urge will go away, why is it not going away and worry and worry. Thinking that way about urge won’t help. rather do something that will shift your focus. For example, I play chess because it makes me think about winning rather than the urge i’m having.
During such urge don’t peek cause it is the doorway to relapse. And you are opening that door. keep yourself occupied and urge will eventually vanish away.
any comment/resource I used, credit goes to the rightful authors.
Btw for this journey you need 2 things: your ‘mindset/attitude/dedication’ and ‘plan to deal with urge.’
What i shared with you talks about mindset.
But you MUST have plan to deal with urge also. there are many technique to deal with urge in the forum. If you need them knock me. I will send what i have.
What if I relapse? :