I think you should! You don’t know who’ll you help with that and people can also help you too.frankly I don’t expect people to read this,I just make this one As a commitment to myself. But there are people like you read it and give tips and encouragement. You can just take something from.your journal, I just edit something if I think it’s too personal or I just don’t feel like sharing it. Or just make totally different from your journal.
Will look forward to that to your diary
1 Like
day 0
today I chose to watched a 10 minutes porn.
I still can’t handle life challenges and return to porn for comfort.
I feel like crying right now, I feel overwhelm of this negative emotions.
But I’ll try again.
1 Like
Dori you had an amazing streak, much higher than I could ever get!
Please don’t feel the need to feel down.
Not everybody’s lives are the same here and I know you’re taking on a lot of challenges, so please never beat yourself up.
I’m always praying for you especially my friend 
Thanks a lot for the encouragement.
1 Like
Just keep going and don’t let it get to you!
You know I’ve also relapsed again today 
So let’s do this together and reach 100 days 
2 Likes
Yeah, we can do it. 100 days goal then.
Maybe we should also add 100 days sketches too 
1 Like
Dori, you are much better than me. Last time I was glued and watched 
about an hour of it. 
The challenges are going to keep coming but know that you are getting closer to doing something else besides turning to ■■■■ for comfort.
I’m there with you on the negative emotions. They will pass, just try to have self awareness to address these emotions in a better way. You gotta try different things to get out of those holes.
3 Likes
Thanks a lot, I need to figure out how to handle those.
man I just feel so low that I haven’t still picked up my pencil to sketch anything and my old habits are making a comeback for the worse.
I know how you feel, it can take 1000% of strength to pick that pencil and sketch but we should or else we’ll get rusty of our skill. (Now I imagine I’ll be drawing banana hands for the rest of my life if I don’t improve ).
Did you also notice old bad habits are resurfacing too after relapse? They are like twin for me. It’s like those bad habits are wired with the relapse.
It’s tough but we should do our best day
Today’s the 1st time in a long time where I haven’t sketched anything at all. I spent the whole day in bed reading since I’m feeling really sick and my body hurts including my head.
Yes we should but when feeling better
Yeah I hope will feel better soon
1 Like
day 0
I take a nap and just woke up feeling the urges. I didn’t fight the urges and just watched video preview of clips for 2 mins. after that I just realized my stupidity. other thought came up like you didn’t really watch it there is no need to reset and there’s no sound and it just for seconds and it’s not the whole video anyway or I should just watch the whole thing since I will just reset my counter anyway.
But I will only cheat myself if I do that.so there 
relapse button 
I notice after I satisfied the urges, I would feel gross when I look at the same content. how ironic. It’s like having 2 personality.
right now, I still feel the urge but at the same time I don’t want to watch cause I feel gross. I wonder what’s happening to me :(
. But it would be good if I would always feel gross watching it so I will not Check it again.
I think abstaining for 2 months lessen my viewing time. But it would be really nice if i will not relapse.
I still haven’t started meditation or self reflection yesterday. this things are my priority when I started my streak but eventually in the long run i drop it. Small habits that I should never stop.
I still don’t have the strength to do this things right now but as they say no one will push you but yourself. getting up to do daily chores is tiring, even doing the basic hygiene is a challenge right now.
I also notice in my earlier entries I did write my goal day. I think it help me a lot, so I’ll just start that again.
Well, I would not beat up myself today. I don’t want to hate myself more than usual. I just need to build up myself to be more commited, build my integrity and learn to trust myself.
I read in a forum or thread that you should find the root of why you’ve gone to this path. Now I know why or perhaps I just don’t want to address it because I fear it so much.
I should convince myself to do the basic stuff and try to look at the brighter side.
(I should convince myself to get up)
one step at time 
next goal day 1
3 Likes
I totally forgot there is a help button in this app, I better start using it
2 Likes
@dori it sounds like you have some trouble staying motivated. Chores can be boring but you can make them better. Have you tried playing music while doing chores? It might help.
Relapses can sometimes through off your motivation. I feel disgusted sometimes by the things I watch too.
You seem kind of hard on yourself. I think this difficulty is temporary and it will pass. I hope you get to a point where you are happy with reaching daily goals.
BTW I tried meditation briefly and didn’t really see results. I may try it again because if I make it a habit I might benefit from it.
Do you plan on continuing to do sketches?
1 Like
I always do that, playing a music while doing chores is great mode setter and can
Sometimes help me be motivated too. I don’t know what happen to me lately.But Yeah I will do it again.
Oh, I need to do it regularly or ideally daily.
I want an art related work so yeah, I have to find ways or should I say I should learn to discipline myself to it especially when those gloomy days come. I don’t know if I should be sad or happy with that idea.
I should really start doing meditation 
especially now there are so much stuff to do. Maybe I’ll try that tonight before sleeping
Will reset again. Because I research it and look at it for seconds. I want to be honest with myself and those people who are here fighting this addiction. I’ll be honest although relapse is not good and yes I’m sad about it but still I’m quite happy that my view time is just for seconds.
If some picture shows up or video by accident that would be exceptionally because I didn’t choose to see it. Things that are out of our control are not our fault.
I read a post stating that it’s always a choice, its that simple. but it’s always a challenge because we are humans, we have emotions and we always act on our emotions.
But I know we can learn to have that discipline, it will be hard. Some people might find quitting to be easy, but some people like me, still struggle so much.
Since I know the causes and triggers,
I level up my restriction or guidelines for my relapse button. I still doubt myself if i can follow the rules but I want to level up too so I’ll take this chance. Pressing that relapse button is really hard but I want to be true to myself, maybe it’s a step for me to start trusting myself and be much better person.
One day I’ll look at that mirror and smile.
Because i like what I see on those reflection.
2 Likes
Today one of my pet dog go to other side.
I’m feeling sad, I didn’t expect this. One of the hardest thing in life is when you didn’t have the chance to say goodbye. I’m trying to be positive and think he is in much better place.
I’ll be reflecting on many things for awhile. It’s just sad that situations like this always happen for me to work harder and contemplate.
I’ll be back to get back my streak but
For the meantime let me cry for a moment.
day 3
been very busy. I got some time to rest and decide to make an entry.
I’m still have trouble managing task, but I do my best to prioritize what’s important. I’m trying my best to push myself and not regret stuff. my motivation or will is strong right now but hopefully if challenges arise I can push through it or have a discipline to make it through. I need to learn how to handle my emotions in worst case scenario. I still need to research and work out this things.
I checked my calender and see the 4 red dots. somewhat disappointed but I’m determined to have no red dots this coming month.
most of the time I feel overwhelm with a lot of things, but i try my best to cut it to small task and do something. I still feel overwhelm but it’s better than not doing something at all.
I will do entry in my rest time, and check this app for time to time. I also go here when I feel so overwhelm or stress for the moment. I know I have a high chance to relapse with my situation right now so I need to figure out how to pass through this.
let us always keep fighting.
2 Likes
day 4
just woke up. check this app before I do anything stupid to relapse. better read some threads here and remind myself of my commitment today.
although this past few days I’m quite busy, taking some rest time is challenging. I notice the urges and idea to relapse always pops up in my mind. The chances of relapse are high perhaps because I’m very stressed and emotional at the moment. I need to be very cautious.
I’m hoping things will get better after I reached 1 week but then again my long streak before is no match with my emotions, I better find ways to release these negative feelings.
hoping things will be better today.
keep fighting!
1 Like