Dori's long journey


#1

Ironic how I know the things that should be done but didn’t. when negative emotions do overcome us we go back to the old habits unconsciously.

my life is getting out of hand. I’m really negative if can still fix it. I did attempt many times but it always fail. not just in these area but in all aspect of my being. But still ,there is a part of me that want to keep trying.

I need to reevaluate my life, perhaps I need to sacrifice something. and if I found it my I have the courage to give it up.

this is a hard journey, to those people who share their struggle and keep on fighting you make me feel I’m not alone in this fight.


#2

Day 3
(I’m still newbie so I’m familiar how to continue entry properly)

I’ve reach my 3 days goal. a little happy about it. But i need to change my lifestyle. I still don’t like moving/exercising, perhaps I’ll try that tomorrow.

there’s so many stress factors I hope I’ll manage this week. I should find alternative for my anti-stress. add to that the gloomy weather here.

anyway, I’ll just keep myself busy by doing my laundry. (they became mountains already). maybe I’ll practice piano again or paint after that. I just need to make a to do list.

planning and making tiny steps and being consistent is the key. sometimes I think we forgot to be consistent in all our doings. So I hope we should always be on guard.
But if we ever relapse again, never give up. things will just end if we give up.

next goal 5 days.
let’s take our journey 1 step at a time.


#3

You said it, “one step at a time”… I think that is a good practical approach.

I’m thinking along the same lines - by slowly introducing new habits, routines into my life, letting the old ones (that lead down the wrong path) diminish.


#4

Well said. I think we should plan our day ahead and be prepared for what’s coming. We will most likely succeed if we watch our steps.


#5

day 5
reached day 5. I think I deserve a thumbs up. :slight_smile: small victories are 1 step closer to our ultimate goal.

these past few days seems normal I’m trying my best to keep myself busy.

I did watch tutorial videos about art (I’m trying to get back on my drawing)
while watching a certain word/character is mention and guess what a sudden flash back of porn vid came to my mind. I did panic why would that came up when I’m here trying to learn and the video is wholesome even kids can watch it. I keep shouting in my mind no. those few minutes are so hard and I’m glad to say that I pass through and reach my streak today. I’m glad I’ve read someone telling us to have a mantra or just say no in those situation. you can should it if needed. It was so sneaky, it will not just leave with just 1 no,it will pester you until you give in.
This is really a hard battle, we should always on guard.

I would always mention to make a to do list or plan your day. i will always write it in my journal to remind myself. it will not always go the way you plan but somehow you are conditioning your brain. I notice one of the biggest factor of trigger for me is being mindless, if i will rank them it would be on my number 3.

I’m glad i have a companion and this community. I’m still motivated thanks to you. I have still a long way to go.

one step at a time


#6

Next goal 7 days.
(Small achievable goals) :slight_smile:


#7

day 7

hooray for the continues streak. I hope this will keep going. But not hooray for my gaming yesterday, I’ve played too much. I’ll make it up today.

changing is really challenging, I bet we all wish that it we can just do it instantly. since we want that change so much , most of the time we tend to make unachievable plan in a very short period of time. And we will beat ourselves afterwards. I hope we can be kind to ourselves, if we mess up. We can scold ourselves but afterwards we should encourage ourselves. because sadly there will be times that no one will understand you but yourself.

I didn’t achieve my other goal this week. So I have to replan and re evaluate. I think knowing what works and don’t helps a lot.

what I’m trying doing this days before i go to sleep , I would talk or orient myself what would you do if there’s a trigger? and there I’ll.rehearse my plan. (sometimes I really want to skip it)

It may sound exaggerated but we are in a battle we should make ourselves on guard and equipped ourselves. our enemy is really sneaky one. But we can do this.

Let’s take one step at a time

Next goal 10 days


#8

Share ur code plz
Mine is 65feff


#9

Here’s mine 71b3839
:slight_smile:


#10

day 10

I’m glad I’ve reached this day.
I’m really trying my best to get back my life together,so I’m quite busy.

I’m glad some people who post that reached this day see positive or feel energetic. I don’t have the same feelings though, it’s like all problem are showing up. I don’t want to complain, perhaps those problems are already there I just didn’t notice because I was so busy watching useless things.
one thing I notice after reaching this day is that I’ve become more consistent on my plan and my self control level up a bit.
before I would just go with my emotions but now I would pause for a while and try to calm down and rethink. perhaps rewiring is starting.

I’m thankful that I a have a companion checking on me it keeps me motivated and reminds of my goal. And those people who posts, share and remind us how painful it is to regret you’ve helped me so much.
sometimes if no sensible or logical or motivational reason can stop you for doing it perhaps a remembrance of your agony can.

and if you fail again, stand up but this time be smarter.

we’ll reach that goal, one step at a time.


#11

day 12

reached day 12 today. it’s good to know that I reached this day. my last relapse was after 12 days. So I’ll be extra cautious for the next days.

nothing much is new. it’s so hard to adjust. I didn’t accomplished much today. I feel a little down, but maybe I’ll just think today as free day. I’ll just try to be more productive tomorrow.

I think my resistance has improved. yesterday I’m searching something and I encounter an inappropriate image. I immediately close that and feel disgust. I hope that would always be my response in the future. I’ll continue to work hard on that especially nowadays there are so many challenges happening in my life.

I’m glad to have this app and community. It keeps me reminded of my goals and I’m not alone in this fight.

I’m kind of sad to see whenever one of companion has reset their counter. We all know those struggles, it’s very hard. Sometimes even how motivated we are we still fail because of our roller coaster emotions. Just keep trying, somewhere along the way we’ll figure how to fight this battle better.

Let’s reach our goal one step at a time


#12

day 15

wow, it’s day 15. I somewhat look forward to it.
There is so many challenges happening right now. I’m struggling with self confidence- getting the badge today I feel somewhat accomplished. I’m still having a hard time changing my lifestyle. I’ve made sleeping and gaming as my anti stressor for the moment. They are not the best thing though. I need to try that exercise thing.

sometimes I just want not to write, but writing is part of the commitment. I’m afraid I’ll easily forget if I stop writing.

I’m thankful for my companion who checked on me. sometimes I wonder if i bother them too much. But really they are great help especially this days.

this day is really hard, but I’ll do my best to manage thing one step at a time.


#13

day 18

another badge, I feel accomplished today. somehow this little badge give me a little boost of self confidence.
I’m not so motivated like when I get started but I’m trying to be consistent as much as possible. I don’t want entirely rely on motivation. I know there will come a day you’ll just feel tired of everything. right now, one reason that keeps me steady is that I don’t want to throw something I work so hard. I tend to devalue the things I work so hard but yesterday I decided to value this streak and hopefully continue as long as possible. I want to compare this like the trust we get to someone we care so much.

There are so many challenges that can cause triggers. I really hope I can think fast and act fast for an escape route if situation arises. right now I somehow manage things.

writing journal and messaging my companion (@aoshigreen :)) do help big time for me.
I still do need to change lifestyle. change is so hard sometimes I do resist it so much. We always resist uncertainty.

still a long way to go. But I’m glad I got this far. Thanks for those people who encourage me and this community.

don’t run faster than you can.
Just take one step at a time.


#14

Good to see you reach your goal. Keep up the good spirit. How is the drawing working out for you?


#15

Thanks :slight_smile: I’ll try my best. sometimes things just don’t go the way we wanted. I’m getting back somehow, my drawing skill are all rusty. I need more practice.


#16

day 21
-I’m a duke now :slight_smile:

nothing new, still many challenges in life. I’m writing because it’s part of my commitment to post.
I’m so busy improving my skill. I’ve subscribe in a website for a month for lessons, at the moment I want to improve so badly.
the life style change is still difficult, my sleep pattern is still not normal.
gaming online is my anti stress for the moment. ( I play in moderation but I need to cut it down)

I hope May we have strength when we face our adversary this coming days.


#17

Day 25

One thing for sure getting your life back is hard. Being overwhelm with lots of things are becoming triggers. My brain sometimes automatically flash those images and play videos when I feel so negative. It’s hard so hard. I think soon I’ll even do silly things just to turn it off. I just wish my brain have those turn off buttons so things will be easier.
I better watch and read more useful things to overwrite those data.


#18

day 30

There are still many challenges in life.
I’m still trying to get back my life.
There are times that the inappropriate images will pop out but I did manage to get it out.
I did go out yesterday, I notice that sometimes i subconsciously checking out others people private part and I did manage to divert my attention it’s annoying that I need to struggle coz I didn’t feel anything or lust after them. I feel annoyed, irritated and gross at that moment. I should find ways to stop this gross subconscious behaviour.

I’m trying my best to be always on guard. I always do my best to avoid places that will make trigger. It’s better safe than sorry. pushing ourselves out of our comfort zone is still a hard work, I’m still working this out. :slight_smile:
There are still many aspect to work out, more things to improve. sometimes I feel so impatient that wish I could just change instantly.
But we should not run faster than we can.

I hope I’ll reach my next goal.


#19

Ah, Dori, you are my guru!

I always ran and it never got me anywhere :joy:


#20

I feel ashame not rereading my. Entry the last sentence should be reach not teach.

Hahahha, I totally can relate to you.
It’s just that circumstances force me to take action and evaluate things.
Big turn of events can also force you to change.
I know You’ll go somewhere now since you have more goals and focus. :slight_smile: