Delfin's diary - I need your support

Delfin’s diary day one (05.01.2021) - Days Count: 2

Decided to make contribution to this community by making “Challange” topic, where you can mark your reward for yourself by reaching 50 days of staying clear of PMO. This is fun concept to stay clean while grinding towards little treat that you are going to buy for yourself. Everyone is welcome. LINK FOR CHALLANGE (50 days reach- REWARD CHALLANGE - #6 by Delfin)

Now I am 30 years old and I think that I was masturb. since I was 12 years old. Found that I have P.addiction 3 years ago. Noticed my addiction by realising how hard for me is to not masturb., especialy when I have realised how often I slip and restart my counter. For last 3 years I am figting and slipping, but for that time I stayed clean for so many days. From that we can see that realising and admiting that you have this addiction, results are started to show day by day with baby steps. My biggest strike is 40 days.

I am starting this diary because staying focused and active on this forum is keeping me from forgetting that I have problem. When I am not active in this communitiy, I take for granted my problem and say to myself “one relaps won’t kill me”. And that is where all problems start.

  • My goal is : Total and ultimate freedom from PMO
  • My strategy is: 1. Daily activitiy in this community 2. Evading staying allone and boredom 3 - Eating healthy (reducing red meat, pasta and white bread) 4 - Sport activity 5 - Lerning German and preparing for life abroad.
  • Problems and triggers: Instagram girls + reels, boredom + allone time, accumulated stress.

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All the best @Delfin brother , for your journey

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Thank you, wish you all the best.

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Just found out this step by step guide how to quit this bad thing. It has very interesting approach and it is straight to the point. It is a bit long post but is very good. Check it out, you are going to be suprised.

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Delfin’s diary (06.01.2021) - Days Count: 3

  • Feeling small urges that last about 2-3 minutes, dealing with them by changing toughts quickly and using distractions, such as watching online streams of Warzone that completly drive me away from sexual desires. Urges are triggered by flashback memories from PM and saw few instagram posts. Noticed that eating certain food my libido is increasing, foods like nuts, dry fruits and similar. I have even noticed that after reducing red meat, I have more urges towards my wife and not towards PMO.

  • Second big thing are bad dreams about vaccination. I am about to move abroad for work and better life. If you want to move to Germany, you need to get vaccine. Don’t know what to do. Options are to take vaccine now or maybe wait for another year if they come out with some better solution. Problem is also that we don’t have much time due to political unstabillity in my country. In about 6 months political leader of Bosnian Serbs has announced administrational deviding of country, bassicly wants to create small state of their own and now war is word that is used more and more. I have never been in greater need in my life for making fast desicions, with so manny factors. And all that is making me stressed, it makes me to relaps just to reduce stress.

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Delfin’s diary (07.01.2021) - Days Count: 4

Last night I was having some strong urges due to unknown reasons. Managed to reduce the by “getting outside of the box”. Just imagined myself like floating above myself and aksing myself "why do I feel like this?"and “why do I need to fap?”. At that moment all urges were gone.

I feel like there is no one on this forum and everyone is using this to justify their relaps by writting “from today I will be stronger, no more relapses etc.”. Noticed that most peple are just relapsing, starting from zero (determinent do be stronger this time" and all other guys are wishing them good luck this time. This forum is starting to feel dull and not constructive. Advices and ciscussions are rare.

I have decided not to get vaccine in the near future. I have read medical articles about severe side effects and got informed in my town. I hope there will be better solution in the future, for me there are still great risks in those vaccines and that is my human right to think. By making that decision, i feel relived and I don’t have vaccine nightmares anymore. Wife and I are going to learn and improve German and than we will see what are the options.

As a amendmend to day for - trigger number 1 and at the same time number one to make relaps is boredom and too much of free time. To “cure” that problem, I am planing to implement new habbit, new task. From today I have to study and practice German language for 2 hours per day minimum.

Delfin’s diary (08.01.2021) - Days Count: 5

  • Experiencing massive urges. My whole mind is recalling scenes from PM, more often I think about sex. I can say that this is not natural tought process and it is caused by low dopamine levels and abstaining from PMO. Feel like body is alarmed knowing that it would not get weekly dose of PMO. This is period where people need to stay strong and causion. Today also I am abligated to do 2 hours of leraning german. Weekends were allways hard for me, many relapses were on weekends.

Here are some advices how to fight urges.

:x::x::x::x::x::x::x::x::x::x::x::x::x::x::x::x::x::x:
Failed. Back to zero. Today I watched girls on IG just to reduce cravings, after I stopped it just got worse. In next period no more IG. 🥲
Feeling very bad. Anxiaty and regrets are kicking in.

Delfin’s diary (09.01.2021) - Days Count: 1

Back to day 1. Feeling bad, anxious, having dark toughts. Realised how strong this addiction is. I need to transfer to easy mode, because when i get strong urge I simply do not have control over me. I am going for 50 days of easy mode I and will mast. only in those enormeus urge situations. I know you will jugde me but addiction is so strong and I have to do that so I don’t watch PM. Just getting of those movies.

When I mastur. without stimulans I don’t feel so bad and I don’t have the need for PMO for few days.

I will try not to masutrb. even without p>.n but I just need to kill habbit of watching them. When I see that I have managed it, then I will continue on hard mode, not fap and pm.

  • I have added new rule. No phone with me in bathroom or bedroom.
  • Installed IG lite and no more watching girls in reels and explore. Backing off hard from social media.

Guys, what do you think? Please give me something, I know it is bad needing attention, but I would mean lot for me knowing that I am not alone.
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Bro stay away from IG triggers! It has been a major (probably 70%) source of my triggers. I am trying my best to stay away as much as possible. Kill as many sources of triggers as you can. This is my 2022 resolution.

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Thank you for your comment. You have no idea how you helped me with me anxiaty attack that I am going thru right now. Feels good when knowing you are not alone and someone out there is reading this.

Glad someone agrees that theese IG reels and posts are too much provocative and now I am figting against it. Good resolution man!

Wish you all the best. If you are ever in urge or feeling bad, just right here and let us distract ourselves :grinning:

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:slightly_smiling_face: Great to hear that! I been going through the IG and marking everything questionable as not interested. I just don’t want IG to suggest it, I like it way too much and would go into the rabbit hole from there.

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Yeah man. Just from entering those photos IG algorythm is just showing me girls.

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I never got into social media deeply except for tik tok, but I don’t have that anymore either. I still struggle with youtube… I’m working on it. My advice to you and myself: pick up a book, maybe open it

I think social media is uselles, especially for us with this fight we have against PMO. Whan you realize, it is only waste of time plus it is danger area for us, too many triggers.

Hahaha, I couldn’t agree more with you with reading books. We should read more and be occupied in general. :slightly_smiling_face:

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Delfin’s diary (10.01.2021) - Days Count: 2

Today wife and I were at the hospital. We are both positive for covid. Thank to God, we do not have any severe sympoms. Just a high temperature for a couple of hours. For next 10 days we are isolated at home.

Today there are no urges. Everything is ok with this fight against PMO. Knowing that I am on easy mode makes everything a lot easier.

State in the country is very bad. Bosnian Serbs are making faschist signs, parades and disturbing peace all around country. Political mess and lot of stress.

Stress and relapses get great together

Delfin’s diary (14.01.2021) - Days Count: 6

Day 6 on easy mode. There were some urges to watch P but I reduce them by mast. in bathroom, just to reduce tention. For severe addicts I suggest this method because it reduces need for PMO, after mast. without P.

I had urges to watch P and make session. I try to overcome them but when I approach that moment when I have such a strong urge to start session. Those kinds of urges when your brain stops thinking and only goes for session, no matter what. I just go to the bathroom and make it easy for myself.

I have one new strong rule that I strongly follow. No phone in bahtroom (ever) or in bedroom. Just use it as alarm, far away from me.

I am in isolation due to covid infection. I feel fine thanks to God. I pray, study German and play a lot of video games. Video games are only thing that makes me fully concentrated and reduces stress. Helps me not to think about pmo or bad political situation in country.

Delfin’s diary (18.01.2021) - Days Count: 9

Day 9 easy mod. Altought it is easy mode, felt strong urge to watch movie whose scenes are flashing in my mind these days. Man… this is serious, barelly made it through without playing it…

Day after tommorow I am going to be alone for few whole days. That is going to be big test.

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I know u can overcome this hurdle!!! Stay strong bro…