That’s the spirit Darshan Raval. Let’s go 
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It’s okay.
Start again.
Control your mind about what you think. And be careful of triggers.
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So here i wanted to share my mixed feeling
So i just finished my 1 month internship today in auditors office
It was unpaid one a d i was fine to work to gain experience but during this period i had lots of fun
But luckily i got paid
Like if i was paid 4 to 5 i wouldnt have questioned myself but i got paid a good amount
But im still not happy
Not coz the amount if not sufficient coz its more than i ever imagined in my current situation
But i m sad coz i feel i didnt do that amount of work
And also im confused as this one month flew so fast and at the same time i was enjoying all the work given
Im just get doubts over my self worth
Also it was difficult to leave the place after being with people around
It was painful to leave this place
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Thanks brother
Presently i m sad that i feel i got paid more than what i think my worth is 
I know this is so stupid
But i have a desire to br the best in what i do a d this time it wasnt the best
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I also have this desire, and sometimes i feel frustrated because of this desire .
.
Go for the best this time 
.
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Relapsed again
20 chars
ohh damn bro
Were you into porn or what ?
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Okay so lastmonth i esrned 10k+ my first income from two onternship out of which i have 500 only and rest with mom and few to repay a loan that i had taken from a friend for my friends emergency
So yes a productive month but lots of relapses
And i know the issues
- Phone usage - its like i have lots of piled work and jusst to escape from that i tend to use phone and thats the worst
- Laziness
- Not exercising nor meditating for long periods
- Using phone at night
- Just mindlessly gaming and then regretting that i achieved nothing at end and tend to relapse
Also one habit of mine which i hate is
I cant just see any unused data on my phone or moms or dads and due to this i starr downloading games like codm but after two or three days i delete them again coz i feel addicted and ignoring work and this cycle keeps repeating
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I donot watch porn but other means which i dont wanna tell so that no 1 else should go through them
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ah ok I understand
jsjghshsds
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Bro you know where you are lacking behind , you just have to step out to really commit those . I would have liked to say more but I need to sleep early coz I have school tomorrow .
But I want to tell something about game addiction , I have been through that and despite its too addictive , if you try hard and prevent playing for 2 - 3 days , automatically that urge for playing goes off . Make a work - wise plan everyday and give yourself no time for it . Whenever you feel like playing , remind yourself that you’ll end up just wasting time and you have other works to do too .
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Thanks a lot for ur suggestion
Ill work on myself
Good night
Sleep well
Have a better day tomorrow
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07/07/22 (morning)
Relapsed yesterday
Anyways ill do it this time
So here is my list of things that i want to avoid
Quit gaming - day 2 completed:white_check_mark:
No youtube - Day 0
Nofap - Day 0
No anime - Day 0
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Day 1 today
Im happier
No youtube 
( i used in the evening )
No game ( i played one game )
No anime 
Nofap
50 percent of goals completed
Coming to daily tasks
- Exercise
- Morning meditation✅
- Wake up by 5❌ ( i have lost the hang of waking up this early , will slowly get here)
- Study (i was busy preparing report for clg which took me 3 hrs and then applying for duplicate certificate which took me another 1 hr )
- No phone after 8❌ (i m still using till now but ill stop using after this)
20% of tasks achieved
Lets gooo
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Okay
So i have beem relapsing a lot
Last 1 week i relapsed more than 25 or 30 times
Sorry and im ashamed to tell this
Also i watched a bdsm movie receny again
I wont name it
But what i liked mkre was the love and the connection the couple had and i hated the bdsm part
Slowly im getting back to my old self and im happy
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Why i want to stop games, youtube and anime
Im not against it but i just lost control over myself long back and i have become a slave to instant gratification (dopamine) which i need to break through
Today just finished mobile detox of 13 hrs
It was difficult but it was worth it
Thats it
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Bravo! I hope I will try this once this week
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Unless they act as triggers, don’t be so hard on yourself bro. Give yourself some source of entertainment also, else you’ll burnt out very soon or end up doing them and feeling guilty that you broke the rules.
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I relapsed and nothing
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Life is scarier than i knew about
I found out many things during last few years
I dont know
Just knowing the truth fears me a lot
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