Darshan2017's diary of 2022[21 Male]

Day 0 again
Relapsed yesterdsy in afternoon
Yesterday i couldnt sleep
I have developed some unusual fantasies which was never me
And yesterday night while sleeping it was haunting me i can say and i was fucking shouting internally to let go off me and i was crying
The same thjng happened before a while , while i was sleeping in bus

So after these incidents
I just had few thoughts
If i keep relapsing ill make this fantasy normal and ill start enjoying it too which i dont want to do
If i stop initially it will be difficult but i will get etter soon
So it depends on me whaf i need
So here i go
Wont give up this time
Thats it

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Best of luck man
**20characters

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Todays day
It was difficult as i was getting haunted with that shit during my exams too
But then ate kachori :drooling_face: and puff so got my shit back and no urges till last half an hour
Tired AF now
Just made a plan with school friends to go for a movie tom morning and then snacks
So all set for tomorrow😊

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3rd april 2022
Im just relapsing again and again and again
Yesterday relapsed around 8 times
Today til now somewhere around 4 times
And im fed up with this
I know my issues and i need to make my heart strong to overcome those
:blush:

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Damn :sweat_smile:, that’s some strong capacity you got :joy:.
Jokes aside, stay strong bro, don’t ruin your vitality like that.

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Day 5 completed yesterday :white_check_mark:

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I cant keep updated everyday here
But still havent lost hope
Last attempt i relapsed on day 9
Now today
Day 11 going on
Im more happier than i used to be

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I guess i have messed up
Not the streak
But the counter
I forgot when i started so i dont know what my streak is presently and my previous update might be wrong
The reason being i made a note on 30/4 as day 1 which might be of gaming
So confused
But i have been clean from 29 april i guess
So yeah thats it
Still going strong
And this hourney is worth it😊

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Finally the day is here
For the very first time ill cross 14 days in last 7 to 8 years without any of these
I just peeked once on day 7 for 30 seconds but got hold of myself
These were the least difficult days in terms of urges plus its been more than a week quitting gaming
Now time to say good bye to binge watching
So no more anime , no more webseries and reduce the screen time
Plus i need to start working out which i can from monday
And will not relapse
Will build a proper disciplined routine
Target - max 1 unproductive screen hour
Lets gooo
Every 1 stay strong

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Today when i m trying to stop watching anime and just random youtube
It feels so difficult
But i realised how much are we relying on these things to forget about the stress
And since we dont want to face or overcome the stress we get hooked on to these stuffs longer than we intended to do
Also i have experienced that if i use anime or youtube to relax during study breaks
Im unable to focus back on studies
And i feel like im tired for the day
However on the other hand if i take a nap and wake up it feels refreshing
That is the reason i want to stop these stuffs
Im texting now coz i have imense urge not to watch porn or mastrubate but to watch youtube or anime
And i opened them with a thought of relaxing but the inner me started to ask me questions
If u start now u wont be able to study anymore after this
Ur day will be ruined
Ur exams will get ruined
I mean im not against watching youtube or anime
Infact i love watching anime , playing games
But i dont want to use them as means to forget the stress for a time period and to regret later that i dont have time to overcome stress
Presently i dont have means to overcome stress
But i wanna enjoy it with a big smile
Coz i need to get used to facing the challenges which are presently small inorder to live the desired life i want to
So yeah
I prefer going to a theatre once in a while rather than binge watching
I prefer playing outdoor games rather than mobile games
I wanna travel the world and see it through my own eyes instead of viewing the world virtually
I wanna go do bunjee jumping and all sorts rather than sit at home
And this will require full dedication
Which comes at a price of yt anime and gaming
Then im ready to pay the price
Thats it

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Heyaa
Relapsed on day 17
As i peeked a lot
This was the highest streak of mine
Ill get back soon
Day 0 today
Relapsed in the evening

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So here i go
Youtube addiction Day 0
Gaming addiction Day 0
Anine addiction Day 0
Nofap Day 0

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Oh many sorry to hear that. But you did well bro, Aim higher next time, keep improving :handshake: :handshake:

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