Today is day 20. Made love to my wife. No p no m = no guilt. However it took a long time to O. Still proud of the progress on my personal journey and personal goals. Some day I will be the emotionally healthy person I want to be.
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Heading into day 21. Feeling a lot of stress at work this month. Usually look for that way to numb myself. This time going to just deal with it head on. I can’t give up now.
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Tough start to day 22. Triggered while at the gym. Found myself downloading an inappropriate app. Immediately uninstalled before looking at anything. Avoided close call. Can’t give up now. Forward.
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Keep moving forward bro! We’re all supporting you!
Great job in deleting that app today. Remember that you’re not missing out on anything. There’s no need to go backwards.
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Good move man!
Stopping yourself like that takes a lot of willpower and a serious want to be clean.
Be careful though, I know that whenever I would cross the line once in the day, it was easier to cross it later. Remember that when those urges come back, come here and write about them. Pick at them in your brain, question them. What is the root of the urge? Why are you feeling this?
Typically I find that urges come at us when we are feeling negative emotions, something is bothering us. And because we have been addicted for so long, it can be very subliminal, we had no idea we were feeling bad because we are used to using PMO to suppress it. But the fact that you are getting urges should alert you that you have an unresolved problem.
And maybe that problem is that you are tired and need to get sleep or hungry and need to eat, or lonley and need to spend time with someone. Or it could be that something happened today that is bothering you, maybe someone said something really rude.
I know in my case, sometimes urges will come from feeling lame for not having a girlfriend by now. Hanging out with my friends can sometimes bring those feelings up. In the past I would just relapse because of it and maybe not even know why. But when I started to talk to the urge, face it head on, I realized that I had the power to change it once I revealed its lies. It was trying to comfort me and say that I could have virtual girlfriends. Which sounds really stupid when said out loud. But that’s exactly my point.
Often times the urges are so overwhelming when we just feel them, but when we actually talk to them by writing down as we pick it apart in our head, we come to realize that the urge’s arguments are stupid. And when you can see those dumb arguments on paper, you feel empowered to counter-argument them.
So whether it’s a need to be fulfilled or just a bad feeling, when we address it, the urge will go away and we can either fix our need or talk reason with ourselves about what we are feeling is wrong. Writing it here is all the better, especially for bad emotions, since if you can’t think of anything positive to turn it around, we can.
In my experience, trying this technique of talking with the urge takes a lot of practice, at first it seems stupid and the urge comes right back, but that just means you need to dig further and counter-argue more. Eventually it will go away. But it is hard sifting through our thoughts, even on paper. It will take a lot of time before you can truly unravel everything.
I would highly suggest you try it, it has been key to getting me this far in my streak. When we better understand ourselves, we can better take care of ourselves. Mindfulness is key.
Man, remember when you started this journal at day 5, and now you are on day 22! You are making amazing progress man! Keep this fight going 
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Going into day 23. Rough day ahead. Negotiating work contract and fearful of how it will turn out. These are the times I just want to give into urges. Keep reminding myself that in 24 hours it will be a new day, regardless. Need to face the day head on. I can do this. I have to do this.
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I am only on day 4 and your diary made me feel so encouraged. Its so good to see you having your streak and fighting your inner demons. I hope i will follow your succes, my friend.
Good luck and stay strong.
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@ivres we can support one another. I have found support on this app. Keep taking one step at a time…
One day at a time. We can do this. Had a rough day, but made it through. Going to bed and alarm is set to start the day at the gym.
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Day 24. Contract still not settled. Just want to be respected for my work. Every indication is that they will treat me fairly. But insecurities surface. I struggle with trusting anyone. Always have kept people at a distance. Keep pushing forward one day at a time. Went to the gym, meditated in the steam room, keeping myself busy, reminding myself how tired I am of losing the fight. Another day here we come.
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I have never drank or did drugs. Never a problem. I could just avoid them. Not have the things in my house. I can walk away. But my dick is always there. It is there when I sleep, eat, shower, go to work, and even some place like church. Inches away from my hand. This takes more will power than anything in my life. Even the dopamine from eating takes more effort to accomplish. Have to find the food, maybe even cook it. Even takes my hand further to reach my mouth than it does my dick. I WILL OVERCOME. I MUST OVERCOME. Sorry for the rambling, but I am finding going to this app helps fight the urges more than anything I have tried in the past. Sometimes recording these feelings and frustrations are enough to keep me on the path. Just keep moving forward.
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Exactly man! This is a good practice.
Yes! I believe in you, you can do this.
Keep at it!
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@Special_Bird you are always so supportive. Thank you man. Now I need to go to bed before I risk surfing where no man needs to surf
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Day 25. New day. Friday night’s are the most risk. Stayed up late which is risky, but stayed strong. Need to change the habit of staying up late on Fridays. Lots planned to keep myself busy today. Check in later.
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Moments away from day 26. Last night I attended a social event. Saw someone I knew from work, but wasn’t suspecting. Briefly said “hi”, but felt awkward and quickly walked away. By the end of the night I mustered up my courage, reviewed some social skills in my head, and walked back over to him. Kept up a conversation for quite awhile. Working on building relationships/friendships. It is hard. I am uncomfortable around guys. I often feel I don’t measure up, I worry about being judged or rejected, I fear them from being abused in the past. Last night went in the win column.
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That’s inspiring to read, how you are moving from your comfort zone. First steps are small, but it is only the beginning. The best way to conquer you fears is to face them and that’s exactly what you are doing. Stay strong and brave, bro!
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Thats how you build them skills. GO ON LIKE THIS MAN
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Awesome work man! 
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Feeling depressed tonight. Going to bed and will face another day head on. Some days I feel like Frodo climbing Mt Doom. One foot in front of the other. I can’t stop or give up now. Praying.
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Day 26. My intent was never to go hard mode, but to give up pm and have a healthy sexual relationship with my wife without shame and guilt. I had gotten to the point I watched p every time I had a moment alone. It had become a way to numb and no longer excite. When with my wife I could get an erection, but couldn’t come. Between fighting off the images in my head, feeling only numb, and focused on the shame instead of the person I love I couldn’t have a healthy relationship. Each day I start to feel again. This means I also have to work through negative feelings as well as the good ones. Each day I feel more human. Here is to another day.
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