Black Magic's Diary

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Thanks to all of you, Your words of encouragement gives me a ray of hope and courage. Thanks you so much :blue_heart:


7 MARCH 2023
Today we went to our Nanaji home’s for the last days of rituals of my great grandmother, When I was travelling I felt a hope that I was going to see her again, it didn’t happen ofcourse. By meeting all those people my eyes were filled with tears and I went upstairs with my siblings and suddenly I started crying and I couldn’t hold back my tears, My eyes became red. After sometime It was over.

Khud ke ghar main itna feel nhi ho rha itna naanaji ghar rona aajata.

I was sad , I told my mom, She said go give a hug to nanaji but I was like noooo mom but she forced me too, I am so happy after that hug, Glad I did it.


9 MARCH 2023

I have been so much careless, I just do not exercise, or study in proper way or wake up early, In short everything is not going right.

Now it’s time to improve my life condition with the same old method.

My list-

  1. Waking up Early 6:00 - 7:00
  2. Self study Biology
  3. Self Study Physics
  4. Self study Chemistry
  5. Exercise
  6. 10 Min Sunlight
  7. Daily Prayer
  8. Not eating too much sweet
  9. Evening Exercise

Guys, So the thing is that I peeked not just one times maybe 2-3 times because of reddit and I wanna go back to the site but I have blocked it. My mind is juggling over the fact that whether I should go or not.


Board Exam :white_check_mark:

Board Exam completed today. I am happy and sad as well. After giving the exam I went to meet my teacher last time. Sneaked out phone abd clicked some pictures for although I still need to get those pictures though.



  1. Waking up Early 6:00 - 7:00 :white_check_mark:
  2. Self study Biology✅
  3. Self Study Physics :x:
  4. Self study Chemistry :x:
  5. Exercise :white_check_mark:
  6. 10 Min Sunlight✅
  7. Daily Prayer
  8. Not eating too much sweet✅
  9. Evening Exercise
1 Like


  1. Waking up Early 6:00 - 7:00 - 7:30
  2. Self study Biology✅
  3. Self Study Physics :white_check_mark:
  4. Self study Chemistry :x:
  5. Exercise :white_check_mark:
  6. 10 Min Sunlight✅
  7. Daily Prayer
  8. Not eating too much sweet✅
  9. Evening Exercise✅

Nowdays it’s time to be focus on my studies and give importance to each and every subject I have.

Good Night


Today when I was filling the form of Neet with my father and there were some documents to be uploaded so the File explorer opened and there was my file regarding to quit masturbation and fantasizing and I am not sure or somewhat sure that my dad has seen it but I am kind of scared now honestly. What if he has seen it? I am so dumb man I should have deleted the file before. I literally snatched the laptop and deleted it.


Even if he did I think he wouldn’t be mad to see his sun at this age so aware and wants to break free from his shell and be a man and do what most teenagers ignore doing.


Did he say something afterwards?
If not, that means he understood that you are on the right track.


He didn’t say anything, but you know PMO is taboo in our society. I felt so awkward at that time.


@Samaranjay is right bro. I sometimes think that someone might catch my addiction. I also thought that my parents have caught (or guessed) my addiction because once my hand inside my pants ( I was edging that time ). I was doing it without taking off my pants. I had completed ejaculation. My mother came to the room and went back. But she never told me anything. That doesn’t mean that they are not aware of that.

From that day I tried my best to get rid of that addiction.

If I wrote something triggering , please let me know

If your father has caught you, dare to face it :+1:

There is no relation between having an addiction and having some guide to quit the addiction. One can keep it to be aware of that addiction so that the addiction won’t come to him in future.

I have seen that many of the people ( in some random dumb site) are still not aware of this dangerous addiction. They are arguing that these weird stuffs are good for health, improving their life , blah blah. Either they are saying so out of addiction or they are too foolish.

Celibacy ( Only fortunate can achieve ) , abstinence from PMO , No fap is the real way of life.

Lastly each time I j•rk off watching p•graphy I feel very anxious , headache and depressive feeling. Felt depressed only after relapse. ( I am not clinically depressed :sweat_smile: )


This happened to me three times now :pleading_face:.
Even after feeling completely free I returned back to being completely addicted.
Even now I am feeling the same, after I broke 70 days streak last week I simply can’t get a hold of my thoughts.
I gotta develop a new strategy all over again and keep a proper guide to not fall back.


Just like riding a bicycle. If you want to stay on balance you got to keep moving.


This type of thing happened to me 5 times in 2017-2018.

I had 40 day streak

Then a 60 day streak

Then a 15 day streak

Then it reduced…

In 2019 , I was only able to achieve 7-10 days only

In 2020, some 7-10 days again

In 2021, 22 again same

Porn is very dangerous habit. :sob:

Now in 2023 , 16 days streak !

Now I am trying to manipulate my brain by providing wrong idea that I am only guy in the world who is watching p•rn and doing masturbation. It is actually working for me.

I once went to a x-rated site where I saw a lot of dumb users discussing about s*x, and benefits of P•rn. I told my brain that all those users accounts are fake and one of my enemy has created those account to make me fool and stick to p•rn so that he can become more successful and I will stick to p•rn and can’t achieve anything.

I am planting idea in my brain that no one is watching p•rn except me. It is working for me. Moreover, I never seen anyone watching p•rn except me :rofl:


I am telling you guys my reason of going back to porn. Someone (my thoughts) in my mind tells me that what will happen if you watch for only 10 minutes ?

I have reverse engineered these thoughts now.

When I have to do some hard tasks ( like reading some page of a book ) , my brain refuses to do so. I ask my brain “ What will happen if I just read 1 page or 2 page ?”

“What would happen if I complete 3 or 4 questions ?”

By using this brain hack , I completed many tasks even the day I relapsed severely.

I hope it will help someone


DAY - 7

I can’t sleep tonight. I have fever but something else is bothering my mind. I feel so full of lust sometimes and I can’t remove the thoughts I am struggling with. I feel so low in my mind, these ‘thoughts’ make me feel extremely bad. I wanna end these thoughts, I want to be a strong person, I want to be a person my family would be proud of. I don’t wanna to become a slave to my fantasizing.


I am glad there is someone who is awake like me now. Because of eating heavily I am unable to sleep.

Watched “Grave of Fireflies”. Now “JJK 0”


Same here brother !
But now a days I am trying my best by chanting names of any prefered God 108 times or throughout the day if I feel very must overwhelmed by fantasizing thoughts. I try chanting throughout the day except while doing nature’s call.

Try to get up before 5 am because at that time tamoguna ( evil properties of body ) is more powerful inside our body according to Ayurveda.

Because of this, we see wet dreams only in morning. ( 4-6 AM )