Black Magic's Diary

So this is my 30 th day in this journey. So To celebrate it I am staring a diary. I will try to like post daily.

Date - 24 Jan, 2022 ( Translation is given below)

Writing something about myself.

मेरी कहानी कुछ ज्यादा खास नहीं है लेकिन फ़िर भी मैं ज़रूर इसे साझा करना चाहूंगा। मैं हिंदी भाषा का इसलिए प्रयोग कर रहा हूँ क्योंकि मुझे लगता है की मैं इस भाषा द्वारा अपने आप को ज्यादा वर्णन कर पाऊँगा। मैं PMO अपनी जिंदगी से हटाना चाहता हूँ क्योंकि मुझे लगता है PMO की वजह से मैं अपने अंदर कुछ लापता पाता हूँ। मेरी कहानी ये नहीं है की PMO की वजह से मेरे मार्क्स कम या पढाई मैं की दिक्कत। मेरी समस्या ये है की मुझे लगता है की इसकी वजह से मैं अपने आप अंदरूनी रुप से कमज़ोर हो रहा हूँ।मैं PMO की वजह से अपना समय, शक्ति, विश्वास , सब खो जाता हूँ। मेरा मन इसके वजह से अभ्यंतर लड़ने की आवाज़ को खो रहा है। मैं अपनी पहचान और अपना अस्तित्व नही खोना चाहता। मैं इस यात्रा पर जितनी बार भी गिरूँ पर ये निश्चित हैं की मैं कभी हार नहीं मानूँगा ।

धन्यवाद,
जय श्री कृष्णा।

My story is not very special but still I would like to share it. I used Hindi language in the upper para because I felt that I will be able to describe myself more through this language. I want to remove PMO from my life because I feel that because of PMO I find something missing in me. My story is not that because of PMO my marks are low or I have problems in my studies. My problem is that I feel that I am weakening myself internally because of this. I lose my time, energy, confidence, everything because of PMO. My mind is losing the inner fighting voice because of this. I do not want to lose my identity and my existence. No matter how many times I fall on this journey, I am sure that I will never give up.

Thank you,
Jai Shree Krishna.

Date - 10 April 2023

Hey Everyone, I have been on this forum for quite a long, Today I felt like sharing some parts of my PMO addiction, I got addicted to PMO in December 2019, I remember clearly it was December and I masturbated the first time I was so afraid and worried what just happened and like what was that, I cleaned it up and went to sleep, out of curiosity I started doing it again and again, and in just some months it wasn’t a habit anymore it was an addiction and if you read the upper para I told there I felt guilty doing (still I feel it), and it affected me more mentally than physically, it changed my perspective
of viewing people. I

Fast forward to 2023, More than ■■■■, I discovered Fantasizing which is the worst thing because when there are times when you want to think normally and simply but the brain goes twisted and starts fantasizing which makes your guilty subconscious gets on and from outside you look normal but from inside you feel like dying and asking for help. I felt this thing again and again. I felt like dying and crushing my brain for giving me such mental pain from the things it has given. My pathetic mind starts to fantasize about people whom I respect so much, I feel suffocated even thinking these things, Putting those people in awkward unreal situations, I tell my brain to stop but it doesn’t stop I remove these thoughts but my brain brings more of it. I tell my mind this is fake but it doesn’t accept it. I hope this phase ends soon.

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Day -30

Who think time is literally moving fast. Like 2021 is now going end in just 2 and half month. For me literally like everything going so fast. For me it’s like 1 oct and in 2 days it is like 10 oct :joy::joy:.
Time doesn’t really wait for anyone

Time is like a river. You cannot touch the same water twice, because the flow that has passed will never pass again. Enjoy every moment of your life! - Someone

And I guess that is true.

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Time flies when you are enjoying it

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++ learning as well :slight_smile:

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For me I think like everything is like moving so fast. I cannot even feel the days. I want to get the feeling back like I want to like feel every moment. Hope that happens. That’s the thing I am waiting for

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Ok it is Day -33

I think I need to integrate some habits in my daily routine. For past few days I am literally sleeping late and then waking up late. I can’t concentrate very much in study and in the mean time I waste my the by playing game. The main problem is I can’t focus because things are much more feasible to me like listening song, playing game whenever I want I think I need to change this and a set a goal that if I surpass the goal then i am eligible to play game (and for a specific time not extra)

Time management is the main problem but overtime I know I will solve it.

And another is that I think about other opinion very much (for this thing can anyone help? ) like I want to stop what other people think about me or what other will think. It just ruin my happiness. Can anyone give me a practical way to just focus on myself rather than other?

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Day -35

Still waking up late I don’t know why but I have become lazy. I think because of winter but I want to wake up early. I think the main problem is that I sleep late I think I should sleep early. That is a great idea.

I think today I should make a daily to do list and I forgot to give my introduction so I am gonna edit that post (Not sure Hope I soon edit)
✺◟( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)◞✺

Discipline is necessary but to pursue it one needs a lot dedication and efforts.

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Date - 17 October 2021

Today Day was fine. Had a little bit of trouble with my friends but what can i do it occurs everyday.

Didn’t have any urges though. I think I probably reached a point where I should stop thinking about these things and improve my daily life.

Daily To do list -

Waking Up Early - [Really need make it a habit So I can learn to utilize my time properly]

Class Notes Revision - [ I just write the things down but never revise it ]

Healthy eating - [ Now days It is the season of festival and I eating sweets Need to control myself ಥ‿ಥ ]

Studying Minimum 6+ hours [ Removing the classes time]

Sunday - 8+ hours

Daily Question Practice of Maths [ Poor In it ]

Till now this is it

I am gonna few more if I needed

Today’s Quote -

𝙒𝙞𝙣𝙣𝙚𝙧𝙨 embrace 𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙙 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙠. They love the 𝙙𝙞𝙨𝙘𝙞𝙥𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙚 of it, the trade-off they’re making to win. 𝙇𝙤𝙨𝙚𝙧𝙨, on the other hand, see it as 𝙥𝙪𝙣𝙞𝙨𝙝𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩. And that’s the difference.

Lou Holtz

𝙂𝙤𝙤𝙙 𝙉𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙔’𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙂𝙪𝙮𝙨

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Date -24 October 2021

Today Day was ok but i was severly ill from past few days and i could even speak because of sore throat. My streak is going good i think there is urge but still it’s is not that much.

Day -50
Relapsed
Guys I have lost

Ok, New Day New journey

After the relapse happened previously I literally do not regret it but I will not take it lightly. It helped me too realise my mistake. You know sometimes I think relapse really help me too realise my mistake or the things which are affecting.

I know, I Know that doesn’t mean that I should relapse more often :joy:.

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mate so sorry to read that you borke your streak-.-^

but great that you commited to resatring sos oon after!

i hope you are doing fine!

you amde it to 49 days that is a great acheivement!!
you can repeat it and even surpass it.

bests

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Yes,Thanks for the motivation.

I am on Day - 11 Now

Just going happily

Main reason was peeking after I felt like in that cage again.

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I relapsed on 14 November and I regret it. But you know that’s what life is you have to keep going. Starting again with no motivation. Let’s see how far I can get it.Though I didn’t watch porn

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My To Do List

Wake up early

Study for 4 hours (Minimum) Self study

1000 Skipping -

Socializing -

Workout -

Praying daily -

Playing Instrument -

Revision at night -

That’s it, gonna add few more things if needed

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hey there how did your day go ?
keep up the good fight your todo lsit looks nice ;9

bests

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I relapsed 4 hours ago.

But still I will keep going

DAY 1 - COMPLETED

My To Do List

Wake up early :x: - Waked up late 8:40

Study for 4 hours (Minimum) Self study :white_check_mark::white_check_mark: Did studied a pretty good time

1000 Skipping - :x::x:

Socializing -:white_check_mark::white_check_mark:

Workout -:x::x:

Praying daily -:white_check_mark::white_check_mark:

Playing Instrument -:white_check_mark::white_check_mark:

Revision at night -:white_check_mark:

Amazing bro. You do it continuosly or take breaks in between

Gotta flex
My record is 2215 in one go without stopping.
These days I do just 500 but that’s apart from all my workout

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