(The actual diary starts in the replies, the topic is more of an introduction)
This diary contains high levels of christianity!
Proceed at your own risk.
You’ve been warned.
On rewire companion since February
On nofap from 5 years ago. Got more serious 2 years ago. Got even more serious on 5/04/2021
I’ve always been trying to stop this, actually, but sometimes I did it more than once per day… I couldn’t end my work in time, I was always busy and never had time for myself. I feelt even worse every time I did that, I felt so discouraged.
One thing I noticed is that I often tought: “This will be the last time.” Guess what? It never was
First day after starting
Pretty much the only difference is that I felt like one day I would have done it
My longest streak
I once had a 1 month long streak. It felt amazing, like if I was a small kid again, before masturbating for the first time
Short streaks (3-4 days)
The big problem is that I decided to never do it again, I don’t have to stop for like 1 month and then I can do it, so I always think “This is the last time”.
It’s almost unnerving, there is not something you can do, you just have to wait… And time feels so slow
When I relapse
It’s usually when I’m bored and the urges are triggered by the smallest thing like a thumbnail of a YouTube video. Also the famous last words “One peek won’t hurt”
What I’m going to do
I won’t stop using YouTube but I’ll have some rules.
I watch it when I have nothing to do, so it’s easy that I end up seeing weird pictures in thumbnails or pfp, instead if I watch it when I know what I’m going to watch, and not when I just want to waste my time, I’ll probably have less urges.
I’m also writing some notes to read when I’m feeling an urge, like quotes or how I felt after relapsing.