I won’t make any promises because I know where they lead and I also know I’ve said this before relapsing but
I think this time it’ll go better.
Acta non verba.
I’ve changed my approach and from now on I’ll rely more on God. With His help I’ll be able to overcome all the urges of this world.
I can already see an improvement:
I’m waiting for the next urge so I can try this approach.
I won’t just think that I want to go to heaven, I will remember that God wants me to success even more than I do, that to preserve my honour I MUST stop, that to ask God for help is enough to receive it, that I’m letting Satan fool me, that my guardian angel is always there helping me and that I will become a Christ’s soldier. (Thus the name of the diary)
There is also another reason for the name:
The crusade in my heart, because when I feel an urge part of me wants to do it and the other one doesn’t, the other part is the christian army and part that wants to do it is sin. Also because
And there was a great battle in heaven, Michael and his angels fought with the dragon, and the dragon fought and his angels:
And they prevailed not, neither was their place found any more in heaven.
And that great dragon was cast out, that old serpent, who is called the devil and Satan, who seduceth the whole world; and he was cast unto the earth, and his angels were thrown down with him.
Basically it’s because it’s war between sin and mercy, good and evil.
I’m getting back my initial motivation.
Homo faber ipsius fortunae.