Hello, I would like to share a private email, I spent 17 tips (now 20) on how to be stronger and more resistant. I hope it helps someone here on the forum too, mostly Christians.
"…Come on, without any trouble I need to tell you my story. I was a slave to this addiction for 10 years. I was 11 years old, I masturbated in an unconventional method, without using my hands. I masturbated with the friction of my body with the bed imagining girls in my mind … Two years with this practice, I discovered that this was masturbation and I was hooked. Since then I started to fight, but I never had any tools or willpower to change, I had no idea how to fight addiction and I also never used my faith to help, I also didn’t know anything about the negative consequences. This went on for years and years and at intervals of 2-5 days I fell. YouTube introduced me to pornography, because my body wanted women, I accessed youtube and there were many sexy videos there. A year of youtube made me access pornography … and so I fell from one abyss to the other of sins with the same interval of 2-5 days. In pornography I’ve never seen anything weird like, for example: sex with several people at the same time, but I’ve seen many strong scenes …
Some 3 years ago, I started wanting to fight this addiction harder because it caused me great guilt, I felt weak, even more because I already knew that it was a sin and offensive to Christianity and God. So with a lot of trial and error, countless mistakes, I got a lot of experience in how to deal with this situation, I’ll give you some topics to remember:
- Keep in mind that this is a vicious cycle, just like every addiction. The more you feed, the stronger it gets. The cycle is like this: Discomfort -> Clicks -> relief -> Greater discomfort -> clicks -> relief. You need to break the cycle to weaken, if you gratify it, it gets stronger. Between the will and the act of clicking there is a space of time and your power to choose between clicking or not. Everything will depend on your response to this discomfort: You may want immediate relief or tolerate it a little more and take actions to replace the search for pornography and masturbation. Your answer will define your success or failure. Keeping the 1st step in mind, you should not run away from the despair of the discomfort by relieving yourself, but resist it. Let’s take more practical steps.
- Download the “blocker X” application on your phone, if your problem with pornography is computer, download the PC version. I strongly advise you to buy the premium version of it that will prevent you from cheating and turning off the application. Spend with your own money buying the annual version (50 reais in my country, it must be 10 dollars for you) because your conscience will weigh even more when it falls and will serve as a barrier to not make mistakes. You don’t want to feel like an idiot for spending money on an addiction and not being able to control yourself.
The application is free, it has the paid version that I recommend, if you follow this second tip, you will gain a right arm that will help you win the war. The recommendations I make to you are: put it on the list to block twitter (if you like twitter, resign, there is a lot of pornography), select words to block like hot, busty, big ass… Hot words that make you fall, words you write to see pornography. (Learn to live with the application sometimes blocking your phone wrong thinking that you are writing this in a survey or want to read something and it blocks because somewhere is written the word pornography). Activate the VPN browsing mode (Live with the fact that you cannot watch videos on youtube as this mode will find it inappropriate, even if it has nothing to do with sex or sensuality) Also activate it preventing you from being able to uninstall the application with other alternative methods. If that doesn’t work, be super radical and activate the way to prevent images and videos. You will not be able to access google images on your phone or computer if you are still able to access the addiction. NOTE: This is a time to adapt, use the app to your advantage until you are completely prevented from viewing pornography, keep in mind that you will fall here several times until you learn how to restrict yourself.
There is a condition in the application for it to work fully (paid version, of course) where you must put the email of a trusted person, (if you have someone reliable, great, I never told my addiction to help me with this, one of my mistakes) , he asks for this because he will not let you configure the application and you are fighting against yourself, he will always give you a password in this email from your friend, and you will have to keep calling your friend asking for the password (password lasts 4 hours) ) when you need to set up your app. As I didn’t have a friend, I created a random email in gmail and an extremely difficult password, which I couldn’t write … password like: A #% $ HgiUY! & UH. I just took this random password, put it in word and saved login and password. After I transferred the file to a music pen drive that I put in my car. Why is all this? If I have a lot of desire, I could quickly access the email and cheat, leaving the application inefficient with an easy-to-remember password. If I leave it on a flash drive, it creates obstacles for me, I have to go to the car that is far away, get the flash drive, turn on the computer, get the password, to unlock it on my cell phone and thus access hidden pornography. It soon inhibits me from doing the wrong thing. That is, create obstacles for yourself!
- If you are a teenager, young person who likes to play games on the computer or video game. It is time for you to seriously analyze your games to see if there is no sexual connotation. Games with a sexual connotation are very disruptive, it is you playing on the edge of the abyss saying that you will not fall but if there is any mistake you will have to restart the count. GTA is prohibited !!
- Remove low words from your life. Curse words. It will help you because the fight is not just the body, it is dominating your mind. Master your mind and then you can master your body. Remove the sensuality of your life and remove seeing half-naked women on the hammocks (known or not), stop validating the ego of these girls enjoying photos of them, they make money (or ego validation) from it and you would be the soft guy who supplies the market. Actually seek holiness by taking care of words and thoughts and you will see greater strength in the sexual area.
- If you have a girlfriend, it’s time to impose limits if you have extrapolated. No conversations with lust and pictures of her sending you sensuality. If she doesn’t respect you when you say no and continue with spicy chats and photos that excite you on purpose. Kick her … She doesn’t want your good. Have self-love and don’t be a softie. Be a man, be the reason! If you can’t control yourself with a girlfriend, time to break up and master yourself and then get another one … I went through it, friend, and I recommend having attitude and honoring your pants by doing whatever it takes! Also start to see your girlfriend’s body as containing an inverted triangle, yes, that’s right, imagine that in her body there is an inverted triangle, YOU ARE FORBIDDEN TO TOUCH THIS TRIANGLE. Thus, you will be respecting and honoring her, and will avoid masturbating thinking about her. In other words, it is forbidden to touch thighs, it is forbidden to caress shoulders, body. Maximum forearm and knee down. (Experiences I had and teachings I read, that work).
- Find out what time you masturbate, what time of day, where. Discover the origin and thus you will know how to fight. Example: I masturbate in the shower … ok, how long are you taking a shower? Half an hour? Please, don’t be a sissy, be a man, time to take a 5-10 minute shower, if you are still able to masturbate in that time, next, cold water bath or put your cell phone outside the bathroom with alarm to ring in 5 minutes, but be a thick skinned guy (tough guy)… You will take this bath flying avoiding hearing the alarm ring because it will irritate you (put on a boring song). Be a man and use pain, sacrifice in your favor. If you masturbate in bed when you wake up, simple, don’t stay in bed, get out as soon as possible and open the curtains, place the alarm near the curtain to do both at the same time without giving in to going back to bed. When sleeping avoid sleeping with your chest in bed, avoid leaving your hands close to your genitals.
- Study personal development, seek to be a man of high value, there are countless channels and content on youtube for you to learn this. It will give you more resistance, strength, courage and will be a tough guy doing gym, diet, fighting in some martial art, having some life mission and leaving this life of weakness and laxity. (every term like weak, soft, I speak to you is the way I talk to myself as a form of encouragement other than a banana). Don’t be MGTOW, if you’re a Christian…
- If you are a true Christian, it is time to exercise your faith. My biggest moments of despair where I saw that I couldn’t take it anymore and wanted to masturbate even without an image, no stimulus, were the moments where I had to transfer my weakness in prayer to God. Even if I did everything I told you, nothing would resolve if I didn’t have the faith. I confess that I was a slave for 10 years because I always focused on the strength of my arm. Not in the strength of the God I serve, I never prayed delivering to Him my weakness. Now I do this: if I am desperate because of abstinence because I am being seriously tempted, I bend my knee and start praying. I’ve seen myself crying from such pressure and me resisting. I don’t know if you believe it, but it’s a spiritual war the battlefield is your mind. A spiritual, mental and then a body war. Our failures are frequent because we prioritize the body’s attitudes and then the rest, the body is commanded the other two, the body is a spoiled child screaming that it wants candy, and you can give it or not, the mind is the father who will be a steady hand or it will create a poorly created body (decisions). The spirit is the mentor of this father who will influence, in the spiritual part there is the conflict between making you wrong or you can resist and do what pleases God. We should focus on the spiritual part before, mind after and last body.
- Research countless times, countless days about the harms of pornography and masturbation until you look at the sky and see all the negative effects like flames of fire. (DECORATE, Memorize). Masturbation has the same effect as heroin, brother. Do you want to be a junkie too but in another area? Are your parents proud of your addiction? (Use questions like that, be rude to yourself and firm. You will not give in to weaknesses that you feel).
- Learn to look at the body’s despair as something good, not bad. Enjoy the despair and pray, cry when it is unbearable, but don’t give in, weak is not what cries … This despair must be enjoyed and channeled into physical activities, fights (yes, do physical activity regularly, get out of sedentary lifestyle, it will help you with masturbation). This will weaken the desire, soon it will be normal. It takes 90 days for the mind to recover almost completely from the damage of pornography and masturbation
- Find partners for you to confess your mistake. Preferably a more mature and wiser man, if you are looking for a better Christian man, someone you trust. He should be your mentor and you will be accountable for your progress. (This helps you keep more firm on purpose), I didn’t do this, I adapted, I met a boy from the other side of Brazil via the internet in a Christian masculinity group and with him I am showing how many days I’m not masturbating, he also has this problem and does the same …, I also encourage him to stay the same as me when he fall. After all, two fighters is stronger than one. I also mentally state that I am a reference, so when I think like that, I get more resilience in not falling because others are watching me. Another way is to accumulate followers in this app, rewire companion, and mentally put it in your head that they are analyzing you and watching your progress. You do not want to disappoint them too … In my case there are 51 followers and I went tough guy and said 1000 days. (I don’t want to fall into the sin of lust any more and so it will be …)
- . Physical exercises I already mentioned somewhere, but it is worth mentioning again. Exercise daily to channel your energy into something useful than lying in bed and masturbating. Be a man! Go to some fight, I for example went to Krav Maga. This will give you even more discipline for the question of graduation bands, training, techniques that you have to learn … it will do you good health and give you greater mental and physical resistance.
- Meditation, do meditation, if possible Christian meditation, daily pick up your Bible early in the morning, read a verse or chapter and memorize it all day. Reflect on it and apply it in your life. Quality is better than quantity, without haste. This will help you to increase your faith, if you have it, and will give you more strength not to fall into the sin of pornography and masturbation. With this practice you feel like a hero.
- Never underestimate your weakness. Countless times I underestimated and fell for months, don’t play with the limits, if you know that it can tempt you, run away, the bible says to run away from the appearance of evil (APPEARANCE), then run away when you are tempted. Escape from what attracts you. It is difficult but possible, I speak from experience. Literally nip it in the bud.
- Set small goals, not big ones like I did. Otherwise you will be discouraged if fall, you should only set a giant goal, when you feel so mentally capable and prepared to fight and would rather feel pain than give in to the journey. When you have a masochistic mentality to achieve your goals and be able to not be shaken if any obstacle appears, then yes, set big goals. Go for me, put 3 days, 5 days, 7 days, 10 days, 15 days, 30 … And celebrate each goal accomplished, not belittling them, but don’t be sloppy and don’t even feel entitled to fall because you have accomplished the goal . As a stupid president in 2014 once said here in my country: “We have no goal, but when we reach the goal, we will double the goal.” That is, persevere and double your goal, the longer the interval, the less your body will ask over time. I fell every 5 days, I fell every 10 … one hour you will never fall again … I am willing to go to war and not fall anymore.
- Be persistent, pessimistic minds never get anywhere. Success comes from countless failures over increasingly long periods of time. Be determined with what you want. Enough of being weak. Be a man, because masturbating is not being a man … Always be optimistic, don’t be discouraged or pessimistic, it won’t solve it. No more pretending to be a victim and feeling poor. No crying for being weak, but yes, bring shame on your face that you need to change and make it happen. If you fell, blame yourself for a few hours, then lift your head, ask God for forgiveness, forget and take a lesson discovering why you fell, what made you fall, what you missed … sometimes it was your mind corrupt that made you fall. So what’s missing? If you are a Christian, you are missing the Bible and prayer, meditation said earlier.
- Control your eyes. There are countless beautiful girls out there, the first look nobody avoids. The second you avoid. Stop looking at them as objects of pleasure and greed, every time you use pornography you are using them as a toy for your ego and desire or when you look indecently at women on the streets. They are human beings and deserve respect, even if prostitutes disrespect themselves, do not disrespect them because you have dignity and want to be a man of high value. Put in mind that an improper look in those regions that attracts you (breasts and ass) is dishonorable, disrespectful. And you should be ashamed of that. God is analyzing your olahres and thoughts. Love Him fervently to indoctrinate yourself and renounce your desires. (As soon as I did it and I don’t currently fall in love with a woman’s body, I don’t empower them for the beauty they have, I want character, personality, companionship if I am going to have a relationship, if you study personal development, it will help you a lot in that, I study 6 months ago). Desire the sensuality only for your wife, keep it for her and love her, cohabit with her with understanding without imagining that it is an erotic pornography scene, but a demonstration of love, not of egocentric pleasure as modernity preaches.
I hope with all my heart that this will help you, I spent one afternoon writing and the other afternoon translating on google translator and fixing translation errors. I look forward to your news and your progress. Feel free to share with whoever you think is necessary and tell me later, as I will be very happy.
It will be gratifying to see that you have won and that you are helping others. Don’t forget me.
Hugs from Richard from Brasil."
another tip that i believe i forgot to put was about never using masturbation and pornography as an escape from your personal problems like stress, anxiety or low self-esteem. I fell a lot due to the stress of college. I confess that this is just an abyss calling another abyss, you don’t solve the problem, you increase it to two problems.
Don’t give up, don’t feed that horrible feeling that you can’t do it, that you will be addicted to it forever because you have failed countless times. Weak is not what falls, but what gives up. Change your mind, you must stop thinking that you are a failure and use optimism to your advantage. I am now 72 days in my streak, I never reached this mark, but think, it was years falling to learn these valuable lessons that I now pass on to you. If I kept paying myself victim and told myself that I would never make it I would never have gotten this far and would not even be writing these lessons. The key of sucess is when we failed several times at ever greater intervals of time until we no longer fall. If your interval does not increase, take a lesson from it and see where you went wrong … There is no use crying lying on the floor. Get up and learn from it to avoid it in the future, get something good out of your failure. Than cry for saying that it is a failure and that you will give up, cry for continuing. Get up, boy!
after a few days in a row, your mind will want to sabotage you, increasing the need to masturbate or making excuses for your penis to decrease (lie bro, the body makes nighttime pollution …) or that you are no longer attracted to women and you need to check if you still like them. Caution! It’s a trick of the mind. In approximately 90 to 150 days, you will be like a normal person. I am today (07/02/2020) with 72 days and I guarantee that the desires disappear for a few weeks and then come back with a certain strength and intensity, the difference is that you learn to have control and to be a tougher man. You know you would be an idiot and weak to give in to your desire. This is past and now you are in a new life! Go do push-ups, come on! This desire is channeled into something useful, not wasting time and energy on something silly that is masturbating.