Chapter 3: THE ACT
The last 10 days of Ramadan started. My spirits got higher. I shouldn’t miss this great night. I shouldn’t miss the opportunity that I will pass a full Ramadan without an immoral video.
But urges were always there. And this time they got stronger.
My mood was not supporting me: I was sleepy, sleep deprived, and stressed. Urges get activated faster and easier…
I was supposed to have a plan ahead of me to fight back any urges, and I tried following my plan, but I think the plan was missing something.
Urges started increasing. They never left my mind. I started fantasizing, dreaming, and lustful thoughts were always there in my mind.
I tried several ways to stop them, but couldn’t.
And in May 05. After 22 days 20 hours of No Porn, I relapsed.
But how did I relapse? I think I gave up. Yes, I gave up to urges. I felt weak.
They say porn is entertaining? Yes, but only for the first couple of minutes. When the relapse is done, regrets start…
Now, I have 2 fights ahead of me: the first being to know what made me relapse, and the second being to make sure I don’t fall into the so-called Chaser Effect.
Till then, take care. I have fallen, but you shouldn’t.