Hello my friends,
The following is a logical argumentation about PMO and our life with the conclusion at the end. If your are interested please read till there.
Lately i habe thought a lot about PMO, my life, the advice in this forum etc. We all want to quit PMO. Why? That’s different for anybody but we all want to get rid of negative consequences and/or reap the positive benefits, in short we want to improve our life. So to summarize that in a formula:
Me - PMO = better Life
So why do so many of us fail in such a worthwhile endavour?
I once saw a youtube video about an experiment with rats. They were given normal water as well as water with a drug (i think it was cocaine). The rats drank the drug water until they died.
But interestingly in the second part of the experiment, rats were put in a whole different environment with lots of space, other rats etc. They enjoyed a much better life. In this scenario most rats abstained from the drug water and chose the normal one.
It’s similar for us humans. We tend towards addiction when our life is unfulfilled. Therefore the formula could be:
Me + improved life = no PMO
That’s the reasoning i had some years ago. When i thought once i’m in a relationship and married i wont need to fap anymore. I am married now, my life has improved, still here I am…
Furthermore many of us are hindered by PMO and cannot as easily improve there life without quitting.
So that’s not the whole truth as well. But what is?
Possibly it is not just as straight forward as linear conditonality. Causes have effects. So much is true. But it is not always just ‘when A, then B’.
In buddhism as well as in modern systems theory we find the concept of dependend co-arising. That means causes have effects not only on the outcome but on one another and there are feedbackloops from cause to effect, which effects the cause itself etc.
So quitting PMO will have positive effects but if you dont fill the ‘void’ positively, you will fall back or possibly get another addiction to fill the hole.
On the other hand you need to quit PMO to make space for life improvement in the first place.
Maybe the formular is more like this:
Me - X(less PMO) = Me + Y(improved Life)
There is some Balance between a better life and PMO. The more of the one you have, the less of the other will be there. That might not be done from one day to the other but as a process.
E.g. use less porn, masturbate less. Use the time you gain for workout, studying, meditation and such. Use your improved state to use even less porn etc.
Don’t forget to reward yourself, but do it with good things and awareness, not with porn. Still you will make it easier for yourself if you give yourself some short term rewards. It will take time for the other things to pay off.
Another point is to change your mindset. The more you realize how unfullfilling that addiction is, the less attraktive it will be and therefore will have less impact on your well being and your life. For that you have to develop awareness and look past the Initial pleasure.
What I really want to say:
Don’t just try quitting PMO. Take a look at your whole life. There is nothing like an independent phenomenon, everything is connected.
QIUITTING PMO WILL NOT SOLVE ALL YOUR PROBLEMS, you have to take care of them as well anyway.
Improve your life amd your mindset as a whole! That might be the only lasting solution.