What porn is doing to me

Confession
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I feel like porn has now challenged me in my identity. I know I’m heterosexual, but I feel like porn is screwing with my mind and causing me to doubt that. I’m not gay but I feel like if I keep watching porn it will change me and I won’t know who I am. Since I’m afraid of certain kinds of porn I’m trying to stop watching it all together. It’s a form of poison to me, like it will corrupt my mind if I keep bringing it into my mind.

It’s so easy to say no when I don’t have an urge but I hate contemplating what to do when I have an urge. I really want to overcome this but I want to ask you fellow nofappers, “do you doubt yourself because you watch porn?” “where have you found success in overcoming the urge to watch it?”

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Ya I would say when I was watching porn consistently I started to notice myself going down the dark alley of weird porn. I didn’t, but I was starting to.

That’s what really woke me up. I realized the danger that if I didn’t quit all of the PMO crap, I was going to go down some dark hole that could mess up my whole life.

That’s just the nature of porn and masturbation, it’s never enough, just like drugs, you will consistently need something better than what you’ve been using because your dopamine receptors get so numb that they need a bigger high, something more crazy to feel good.

I honestly havent found much success in outright resisting an urge, especially when im in deep. If I’m not supplementing it with self control building exercises like running or cold shower, then I can never say no. But once I start building my will power, I can outright say no to it. But I noticed it can still be difficult, and expecting to outright say no when your having urges is a dangerous game you can’t expect to get out of every time, at least not at first.

I’ve started to realize that it’s really what you do leading up to the urges that counts. Meaning if I start getting lazy with things, urges will start coming. If I’m not getting the sleep I need, urges will start showing their ugly head. It’s a slippery slope. So usually I don’t depend on saying no in the moment, but it does happen and that’s what building my will power is for.

Hopefully that answers your question. I wish you luck on your streak man!

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I would say that you’re not the only one. I hace gotten into some dark places to reach the orgasm, looking at porn that go against my moral and my values to the extremes, and have made me feel ashamed and guilty, and even made me wonder if I am a bad/horrible person. But as far as I’m concerned that’s what’s going to happen the more your addiction takes over you, you’re going to start wanting more and more and soon what turned you up in the past is not going to make it for you anymore and you’ll find yourself looking for more.

If you are worried about your sexual orientation, take a look to your thoughts about the person/people you’re thinking you could be attracted to. If its pure lust, probably is a result of your addiction to porn. At least that’s what has happened to me: I now look at people who I was never interested to in the past, but is only sexual thoughts, not interest in love, friendship, dating, etc. And I’m aware its all because my addiction to porn.

I could recommend making a distinction of your values/principles and how they have been affected by PMO. What you believe is right and wrong. Writing them also helps a lot. That did it for me, for example: Its OK to be curious about my sexuality; its NOT OK to use porn as a depiction of real life sex.

Hope it helps. Stay strong. Believe in yourself.

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I’m not sure about porn making a straight guy gay. it sounds a bit like a stretch to me. for sure pornography screws up your sexuality though. one nice thing about nofap is that the longer you go the more easily you get turned on by normal things. Things you became desensitized to. it makes you feel like a young teenager again. Wonderful nostalgia!

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@Eri_B I don’t doubt my sexual orientation but I do believe my perception of sex has been influenced in a negative way by ■■■■. I regret some of things I’ve seen inside and outside of ■■■■.

@Angel_in_a_cage becoming sensitized to the normal things again isn’t a problem. There are some things that do make me feel young again. It’s the cycles that I get tired of. With no urges I’m pretty good at staying busy but once those urges come they don’t always disappear with activity or a cold shower :shower:.

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Just dont watch any gay porn, or any weird porn, cause it will mess up our mind.

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Yeah I know what you mean. I had my times where I was wondering to.

All man and woman have what we call a masculine energy and a feminine energy. Regardles of sex and or orientation, a man can have more feminine energy and visa versa.
Also different levels of energy are being presented through out the life stages of each human being.
That means you can be have more feminine energy at a certain age and more masculine energy at another.
But we all have a primary energy.

The way humans get attracted to each other (straight or gay) is: their primary energy must find the opposite.

  • the + attracts - and - attracts +.
    That’s why a (straight) man with high levels of masculinity is attracted to a girly girl with high levels of femininity …now sometimes the same man could possibly be attracted by another man with who possess loads of feminine energy, it would depend on a number of different factors as the life stage he is in…

That fact doesn’t make him gay it just proves that he is a masculine man who by nature gets attracted by the opposite force…

Now, the difference between a sexual interaction (man, woman, straight or gay) and a love relationship is the circulation of these energies.

Example :
Imagine a man and a woman, the man is masculine and the woman is feminine.
The man at the penis has a + energy and at his heart a - venergy.
In contrast the woman at her vagina has a -, energy and at her heart a + energy.

When one of the two is active we call it a one way channel, and when booth are active we call it a two way channel…
Imagine electricity, it works the same way, ± -+.

Now
there could be only a one way Chanel active. Example The channel from the penis to the vagina That means casual sex without feelings, An + - energy. The penis gives and the vagina sucks the energy in…

Example two There could be a Chanel from the heart of the female to the male, a + -, (and visa versa) that would mean love without sexual attraction. Kinda like your sister.

And third: there could be a full circle of energy
A + - from penis to vagina circulating back to the male from the heart of the female to his heart an + - again.
Then when this full circle is achieved you got sexual attraction and love! The ultimate goal!

That circle continues and feeds from its self and becomes stronger and stronger that’s why o Iove grows and why sexual attraction grows…

Now you see sometimes with couples when one of the two energies starts diminishing then the foundations of the relationship become unsteady and loose. Then you have to reinforce the channel what craves your attention if you want to maintain a healthy loving passionate relationship…

I went a bit off topic but I hope I cleared the air.

Cheers

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I definitely am in the same boat as you here. I was into “normal” porn at 16 then I don’t know what changed but started watching Transexual / Crossdressing porn as it was a high to orgasm to. Even thinking about it gives me the same kind of high but I know it’s wrong. So do not beat yourself up about it. I’m now 24 going on 25 and am on the first steps to leaving that lifestyle behind and wishing you all the best here dude.

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