What have I done - need support and cheering up plz

Confession
#1

Hi guys.

I need support really badly. I had O. I just saw some images of semi nudes stuff no porn and no video and yes intentionally, I know, blame on me. After a few moments I had O, even without M. I was at ma best score yet - 52 days. Yes I had some bumps like peeking, but I did not have M and O for 52 days and P for 40 days, which was way over 11 which I did at july this year.

I think I am lost, I was going to do it for ever, but I lost my mind. I had flatline since day 15 and today I thought about stuff, because I woke up horny AF and after 3 hours I had O.

I dont know what to do, I know that I should not blame myself and do what I did for 25 days coz this make me depressed and shit like that, but I think that I betrayed ALL of YOU and most importantly ME.

I want to cry coz I think that I lost everything which I gained through these 52 days. I was more confident and I had no problem with talking to other people. Also I lost weight due to working out and diet. I was more calmn and focused and more and I think that I am back to square one and my hands are shaking.

Now christmas are comming and I think that I will not make it as I have 2 weeks vacation.

I dont want to think that negative way, but I dont know how.

EDIT:
After thinking about it a bit more. I am thinking that I am back to square one, but on the other hand not and it was just a set back, not total rollback. Is it even normal? What should I understand from this? I am soooo confused.

Thanks for any support.

3 Likes
#2

Hey @koaxicek as someone (I think it was auroraborealisss) told me after my last relapse:

You can make it,
you lost a battle not the war.
Make sure to learn from your relapse.
Relapses are part of the rewiring path as long as you learn from them.
You have to find out what was the trigger and try to eliminate it.
We will win this battle, never give up

Rise from the ashes and don’t give up.
Giving up will only let the addiction win!
Don’t let it win, keep fighting it!

5 Likes
#4

In this world, everybody is relapsing. Cheer Up ! You have the guts to make a change to your life and you tried.
You can Recover your loss.

Keep Going. Keep learning.
Taste of Bliss is there & enough motivation.

Wonderful life is waiting. Go forward. :triangular_flag_on_post:

2 Likes
#5

TBH guys, right before O I was very unhappy, coz I knew I did it to myself and through my mind went thought “Aaaand 52 days are gone” :confused:. Also I did not had any post fap clarity or somehing like that as it was in past, but I was not that discussed by my as I used to be after past relapses. Idk if it was just because I did not wached porn or it was something else, if anyone have insight I would like to know it :slight_smile:. But I was more disgusted by me if I wached porn without M and O as it was in past, then now. Is it even normal?

Also here are some answers for you guys, thanks for support :slight_smile:

@tfish98
I thought that it will last forever, but as it is known, nothink lasts forever. But I made mistake and maybe this is what I need to take to understand what I lost and what are my triggers (I knew them before, but did not avoid them). I made my mind and disabled all social media and thinking about dating apps as well. I did not block messenger, I need to keep contact with people and IG for my hobby as I am trying to develop something from that, maybe even buissness. Luckily I know what triggered me, but unluckily I dont know how to overcome it and I am dealing with it for quite long time :frowning: .

@assh
Idk if it was your “speech” or you received something like that, but I will take it as it is yours :slight_smile:. Yes, it is now past and this was always issue with me and my overthinking. I am working on my “self authoring program” from J.B.Peterson (idk if you know him) and trying to understand my past. After that present and future :slight_smile:. As I saind to @tfish98 I already blocked potential triggers. we will see, but I think social media detox is good way in any time, not only for NoFap. Abut my hobby, I have quite a few and they are interesting (IMO), but I am trying to distract myself as most as I can, but noone is perfect. TBH it was hell of a jump from 4 days in average for last 2 months to 52 days :slight_smile:

@I_am_the_Master
Short and simple answer. I like that :). “Taste of Bilss” just nailed it. I will do my best to stay on track.

2 Likes
#6

@koaxicek reset the counter and begin again. It’s worth it.

I did the same thing on day 77 of my old streak.
I’m on day 40 if my new streak, and I don’t regret for a moment resetting.

2 Likes
#7

Hello there!
Remember, everyday alive is a good day. You have the opportunity to try again!
It is devastating to relapse. But failure sometimes teaches us things on how to improve.
With God’s help, you can get through this!

2 Likes
#8

@Ash_Matt is right, you just go on! Nothing is ruined.

:athletic_shoe::athletic_shoe:

#9

@gabgab :slight_smile: Yep, it’s the start of a new journey.

#10

I already reseted counter, in the middle of writing firt message to this topic :slight_smile:

#11

Good to hear brother. Be wary of chaser and break those walls!

1 Like
#12

Yes, are are right about learning from failures. I ignored some triggers as they were fairly mild, but now I know that I should not do that. I am wiser now, which is most important thing :slight_smile:

#13

Thanks, but whyt do you mean by “chaser”, is it “not looking back to past and focus no next steps instead of previous steps”?

#14

No.
Chaser effect is basically you brain saying This is a one day streak, that’s all. What’s one day anyway? Come on, break it. There’s always next time.
Don’t fall for this. You need to cross day 1 for day 101.

2 Likes
#15

Ah yes, so you mean binge faping, yes, I am aware of that, I´ll do my best :slight_smile: