[WalkWithoutFear] Pledge to Kill korn forever! 🌄

Day 14
I had a nice relaxing morning even though I woke up late around 11 a.m. because I was searching about Yosemite park and also mysteries lol. Anyways, super natural phenomenon out of the way. I liked the feeling being outside my backyard, I saw many bees outside today and at first I felt intimidated and scared about it since I was next to the bees next to the bushes and flowers. However, I felt a sense of calm and I had a saying in my mind that I remember ,“don’t think too much about yourself but think also how animals are feeling around you”, and “if you don’t harm them then they don’t harm you” and “bees are part of existence, your energy reveals who you are to them.” I also thought about this being true with humans since now that I took my mask off, it makes sense. People are like bees, they are curious to know your energy and they even talk negative behind you at times but minding your own energy rather than minding how others perceive you is what causes all problems. How you see yourself is what really matters.
Things to do today:

  1. Workout
  2. Finish class assignments
  3. Meditation
  4. Make a video about experience
    Things I did:
    Day 14
    I worked out really good today. Ran 3 miles on the tread mill, 100 pushups, 100 curls each arm. 1 hour workout length.
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Nice quote of the day. :muscle::100:

2024 Personal counter: copy and paste
(March month)
Weekly meditation practices streak( atleast once per week or mid-day everyday)
Week 1 - 1
Week 2 - 1
Week 3 - 1
Week 4 -
Week 5 -

  1. No PMO hard mode: day 14
  2. KORN free video content: 30 day
  3. Free from temptations of lust in media(images, videos on YouTube,etc.) that leads to relapse without korn:
    day 14
  4. Goal: good sleep schedule and manage media use
    Screen time on phone daily goal: 0<2hrs, average of 125 minutes max using “stay free” stat app.
    4.Must stay within range***
    Per week or month counter phone use:
    Week: I used more time on my phone And laptop than average, mostly searching for ways to improve face and teeth brushing. But I am going to be more aware of my actions.
    Month of March total -
    Number of relapses in year total: 7
    Progress**
    ((Try to keep korn free always no matter what and masturbating ))
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When it comes to sexual urges. Don’t act upon it, just be. I still get erections it’s normal. But use your concentration to better things.

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2024 Personal counter: copy and paste
(March month)
Weekly meditation practices streak( atleast once per week or mid-day everyday)
Week 1 - 1
Week 2 - 1
Week 3 - 1
Week 4 - 1
Week 5 -

  1. No PMO hard mode: day 21
  2. KORN free video content: 37 day
  3. Free from temptations of lust in media(images, videos on YouTube,etc.) that leads to relapse without korn:
    day 21
  4. Goal: good sleep schedule and manage media use
    Screen time on phone daily goal: 0<2hrs, average of 125 minutes max using “stay free” stat app.
    4.Must stay within range***
    Per week or month counter phone use:
    Week: I used my phone here and there but not all day. I was busy with some search on different skills to gain like digital art or coding and also part was doing assignments and reading.
    Month of March total -
    Number of relapses in year total: 7
    5.Progress***
    ((Try to keep korn free always no matter what and masturbating ))
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Other days:
Day 18
I had powerful sexual urges today this morning and I had this feeling almost the whole day. After work I felt like dancing after hearing Santana on my radio. I felt more alive just dancing, it was as if I just had an urge to move if it wasn’t sex or masturbation, I had an urge to feel relaxed by good music. I danced to Santanas music and I gotta say, I got lost in his music. His music is amazing, you basically don’t need drugs when it comes to him lol.

Story time:
Also a strange kind of guy who was a customer in my store while I was working as a cashier who seemed nervous was in my target store today, just felt like talking about it because I thought I was the only one who suffered from social anxiety of some type. He couldn’t seen to maintain himself and checkout with his card. I helped him insert his card, he didn’t say anything which was strange. I felt weird but I composed myself that way he doesn’t feel more awkward. I was kind to him. Who knows how others trwat him. Anyways, i also have a story of an encounter with a woman customer as well I wanted to talk about. I said “do you have any plans today?” Just to have small talk since I haven’t asked a woman that question who is around my age lately. Mostly older woman I ask because I feel like they are easier to talk with, some get the wrong idea. So I thought I should ask the woman who is young as well and just go for it. She answered:“not tonight” in a very sensual way. Playful way or flirtatious way. I didn’t mean it in that way, I was just trying to ask what she will do tonight. I guess the way it came out sounded like I was being playful with my words as well I guess. It just came out naturally actually, I just felt like saying it. But she didn’t seem offended, if anything I will see if I can ask more woman that question that way I have some small talks more.

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Day 19
I had sexual urges still but I learned to accept it and not go against it but rather don’t act upon it. When one doesn’t act upon it, it becomes a blessing for him and his energy that would have went into lust would have went into creativity. I was just being proactive today with self improvement in my school and focus.

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Day 21
I had a nice workout session today. I did some good cardio for 39 minutes. It felt good. Played some fist of the North star mix. I did some 100 pushups and 100 curls each arm. I felt the inner energy inside. I can see it growing within. I was able to do more pushups in a single rep than before. When I punch the boxing bag I can also feel the punch become more ferocious. It was the same punch I did before a few days ago that made my knuckles bleed a bit, I somehow managed to throw the same ferocious punch at the bag, I can feel the impact. It actually felt great. I managed to wake up somewhat earlier than usual around 9 :30 a.m. today is my little sisters birthday and we are having guests over today. So yeah it won’t be a bad day. I will try to compose myself in terms of my social anxiety.

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I relapsed 1 day ago no korn. I did it once I got tempted because it was strong the urges but also, we had a party for my younger sister that day and I drank beer. I guess I got really riled up that day. I did the act the next morning, in the morning. But I didn’t watch Korn. I just relapsed to sexual images created from my mind. I also slept a little late. I also had some doubts about my social skills while in the party when I went to my bed. I was already thinking negative about the way I socialize. That also was how I relapsed most likely as well to distract me from my pathway and cause me to doubt. Instead of learning from the experience of social situation. I relapsed a few days after that as well without Korn. It felt like the same rush you get after watching ■■■■ except it was my own imagination coming up with females I’ve encountered or seen in real life or just created from my mind or past ■■■■ scenes remembered from long time ago. I noticed when your tired, one is more prone to relapse because the body is energetic for lust but the mind is indeed tired. Both body and mind have different decisions of their own. Mentally and physically exhausted means you should rest. Not watch TV or do anything for a while, just relax and relax and take a break. Resting isn’t just sleeping, it could be just lying down, go to a trip outdoors in relaxing spot or something else. Taking a break from things that are exhausting you is how you prevent relapse. Now I know this. I heard this from a YouTuber from Dry Creek Wrangler School. The body craves for lust while the mind craves for more wisdom. It’s a contradict really, but ironically we need the lust in this body to produce a good thing and the mind for wisdom.

Day 1
I was feeling pretty sick both yesterday and today. It turns out my sister and her kids are sick as well. I ended up drinking good ginger tea, getting rest and missing some work for that reason. I watched some anime but just balanced it. I also made a delicious soup for this kind of sickness that is the cold. I will rest well now and get better spiritually. I see myself improving, I’ve had a good journey up to this point from where I started all depressed and masochistic but now it’s as if I am slowly seeing a new me. Even the thought of korn is disgusting and well woman is also something I am slowly changing my perspective on. “Coming from a long journey, don’t give up yet.”
What I did:

  1. Worked on jazz assignment while sick
  2. Made chicken soup
  3. Small meditation(now)
  4. Sleep

Things to do next time:
*Don’t doubt social skills but rather think of even if you aren’t good at socializing now it doesn’t mean that you can’t improve or that you aren’t a good person or human. We all have something to give and create in this world. Just be confident even if you don’t got it all right. This is the law of keep moving forward and fall forward. Mistakes is okay. The more the merrier because we keep getting better. Your a testament to that.

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Day 14
I had a few urges a few days ago but what kept me going was my plans and the end goal and the experience I will have once I focus on my plans for my life. I managed to finish all my statistics class assignment yesterday night Wednesday both the quiz and project.! I just focused on it by avoiding distractions, I even didn’t put some music on at times that way I can really get it done and also have some free time for myself to maybe go out more in the weekend. Today Thursday I managed to finish the rest of my jazz class that I continued yesterday night as well for the week, in addition, last night I also prepared myself for my English-01A class I just registered for so that I can be ready for next semester. So now I am free.!
I also mowed the lawn from backyard and front Yard this morning, organized my bike section a little, did a good 1 hour exercise, and now I will rest a while before I head to work today for my part time job. Let’s see what the next day brings.!

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