Day 7.
I started out strong today.
In day 7 I had a few urges yesterday and today. Yesterday actually I saw 1 page on Facebook show a picture of some naked girls on the back side only. I unfollowed them for that and also removed them. There will be times where we will be tested and we cannot control that, even if a naked lady crosses the streets. So I donât consider it a relapse because I didnât act upon it. So long as we move forward and focus on more important matters and get rid of any distractions that may play on our lusts. I had a nice workout session today, did 80 pushups, some pullups, running on the treadmill, it wasnât too bad of a day for a Sunday. I woke up a little late at 10 a.m. since I slept late around 3 a.m. watching anime. It was the stimulation for more. Thatâs why I made new rules. The whole time I didnât count my days, I bought some important stuff for my room, myself, and organized my room as well.
I relapsed a few times before day 0. I had to regain back my why for fighting and keep going. Today I want to remove my doomer wave addiction content and just embrace strength rather than doomerism. I want to lean more towards spirituality. I know I can do it. If I made it to day 33 then I can do this for a lifetime. Itâs not impossible. Itâs all about discipline. I did nice workout today as well, drank my protein smoothie, took a nice break outside my backyard looking at nature for a while and closed my eyes. I felt time stopped for a while. Practicing meditation is a must to get back to what we need to be doing and not what we shouldnât be doing. I will write some stuff in my journal as well.
What happened last month:
I learned to be more assertive by doing what I say. I bought a slow cooker sometime even though I said in my head I will do it tomorrow. But I ended up doing it. Haha. I felt confident not thinking about it. Just doing it is the goal. Basically what Bruce Lee said once, donât think feel. Thinking makes us go down hill. Oh yeah and not taking life too seriously. Have fun here and there
What I did:
*Cut off doomer content
*Stopped following toxic content from FB
My rules:
*Only watch anime, series, some redpill content weekends for a few hours only. (No week days) (no skipping)
*Exercise every weekday(3-5) max (no skipping)
*Times to wake up and sleep should be set till you get used to sleeping and waking that time (sleep 11:45 p.m., wake 6:30 or 7 a.m.) (no skipping)
*Take a break to meditate
*Take short breaks outside backyard or outside in general
*Do what you say
*Listen to uplifting, positive, nature, brilliant, soulful, amazing, cultural, roots, mood boosting music
Day 5
Itâs been a good journey. From the last past few days. I did a good workout session 3 times from day 1,2 and 3. I also learned some skills how to cook a bakery Mexican sweet bread, also organized my finances, looked at different hair care natural ingredients like celery for moisturizing hair and other hair related topics, I also learned about different mental states one goes into. I slept a little late few days ago due to learning about bakery and also watched my anime shows, I also ate healthy breakfast these days. I had a few urges but not so much, I just tried to keep my mind in progression and what my next tasks are, how I can improve more,etc⌠embracing my inner monster and controlling him to use it whenever I need it so my mind is more in a concentrated controlled state.
Today day 5, I feel more concentrated on my next tasks. I slept late yesterday because I watched my anime show, but I took a cold shower, ate a healthy breakfast to compensate for it. I feel much better now. I will also visit my dad tonight so I need to keep my energy sane. Emmanuel
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Day 0
I relapsed these past few days. I didnât discipline myself like I said I would. I must stay persistent in being disciplined. But I was also stressing myself out on money organizing and stuff and not getting to the main thing to focus on and thatâs my skills that will make me money not the money itself. Focus on self improvement and the rest will follow,we get so easily drawn away from our path because we may not see the vision with the few money we have but if we ignore the real issue then it will be for nothing. Today day 0 I plan to read and get deep into my dream in life and practice skills if time lets me since I work a 7 hour shift today. Letâs go, embrace God 
Day 4
Had a nice crazy ride of self improvement journey. I learned more about my hair and scalp health. I also learned lots about health in general. I learned some self confident skills a bit as well. Avoided edging. Mostly focused on self improvement. There were times I slept late and watched anime. But I need to learn to balance this TV time. Tending to my discipline. Emmanuel.
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Day 2
I overcame my deep lusts of â â â â and addiction, reached day 2 after â â â â relapse. Couple days ago I watched lots of P and other stuff, it all seems filthy now to me. Itâs all trash. Mustered enough mental resilience. I donât care anymore if people accept who I am or not. Even if I end up being toxic in this journey, I will keep going because thatâs all we can ever do move forward. Moving back is not worth it. What do we gain by doing that? If nobody likes you even when you move forward your still doing good for yourself and besides they wonât understand. Stay in your lane always. Nobody is perfect. No excuses. Fight for righteousness and become one with nature. Emmanuel
2024 Personal counter: copy and paste
January month
Weekly meditation practices streak: 0 
Day 11 hard mode
Hard mode: day 0 reset
KORN free: 11 days
edging without korn count: 1
Can mean looking at pictures online
M count: 1
Try to keep korn free always no matter what
Today I relapsed but didnât watch korn. I just got turned on by an actress in some Bible movie King Solomon. I know itâs sinful but it just happened and I was even thinking of her in my dream. Anyways, I ended up looking at her pictures online and masturbating to them. I was feeling hot that I was about to think of Korn but I didnât. I just looked at her pics online. And turned off my phone and fabbed without the pics and then I ended up thinking of other girls in my imagination. After it was done, I told myself that I canât hate myself. Atleast I didnât look at Korn thatâs what counts because Korn is a venom. So I will make a counting streak for not looking at Korn here so that I can count how long without Korn. But I will reset streak because I want to go hard mode which is No PMO. I can do this, being sensitive over beautiful female in a movie is a normal reaction after not watching Korn, your mind is trying to get used to it because right now it thinks of every female as an object so you have high sensitivity. Aftermath of not watching Korn but it will go away Iâm sure of it and overtime you will see females as like another person. So this is progress. Keep going.!
For the remainder days focus on meditative practices so that you get better at mastering your mind and calming your spirit and being in a more spiritual tranquil state. Going deeper and deeper into enlightenment forgetting all modern destructive behaviors and acquiring wisdom and value as a man.
2024 Personal counter: copy and paste
January month
Weekly meditation practices streak: 1
Hard mode: day 2
KORN free: 13 days
edging without korn count: 1
Can mean looking at pictures online
M count: 1
Try to keep korn free always no matter what
Day 2 No PMO I was doing homework assignments and kind of getting used to going back to college. Luckily the courses are online but I still need to train myself to be disciplined. These past few days Iâve been doing just that with time management and I got to say Iâm impressed by how much I did. I had a few moments in these past days where i was feeling kind of aggressive, and other times where I had no feelings for woman since I was really focused on my studies. I did some intense exercise on day 0 as well, still feeling the soreness from that day to make me realize what I needed to do so I went beyond my limits in my workout. I also read the Bible after I did relapse. I am on focus mode now. God bless this journey we are all in! Amen 
2024 Personal counter: copy and paste
(February month)
Weekly meditation practices streak( atleast once per week or mid-day everyday)
Week 1 - 1
Week 2 -
Week 3 -
Week 4 -
Hard mode: day 0
KORN free video format: 31 days
Lusting after images + M without korn: 2
Can mean looking at pictures online
((Try to keep korn free always no matter what))
Day 0 No (PMO)
I didnât watch korn but I fabbed to girls I found attractive online in Google with photos like hot actresses and singers. It was supposed to be about just exploring who I find attractive when it comes to actresses in movies I watched or singers. But I guess my curiosity got the best of me because I went beyond their photos and saw some of them pose in bikinis or being sensual. I was just curious because I didnât want to avoid woman. I also knew that avoiding females all together and having no acknowledgement of them will be a bad thing, I was sick of avoiding them so i figured listing female actresses and artists I like wonât hurt. Well it wouldnât have been bad if I was just not looking for the details so much and just listing actresses that I found attractive without thinking about it alot or giving too much details or looking too deeply over their beauty. That got me erotic so I immediately started to get urges to fab and my curious lust got the best of me. Keep in mind I was doing this list of attractive actresses the whole day yesterday almost so it was an epic fall for me. Deep down my lust was craving for them. But I ended up fabbing again today as well to some of their photos because I couldnât help myself and felt like their images were stuck in my mind even while I slept last night. I didnât get all the stupid side effects of that of compared to korn after relapsing but I semi felt tired and addicted to some degree without all the angry emotional negative side effects so much like Korn, but I did fab immediately when I woke up. It was that bad I guess in my mind. Well I didnât watch â â â â which is a good thing! Itâs like my mind didnât even want to watch korn but rather wanted to watch their hot photos more and more and use my imagination to do the rest lol. I just my mind got tired of seeing another man do the job if you know what I mean lol 
. Although it was not korn like in video format, photos are still considered a form of korn like it was back in the old days. So I call it old korn ways like play boy, not as harmful as video format korn but itâs a lower level of korn. But I donât beat myself up because I havenât watched that garbage korn atleast on those weird sites for many days now with no regrets,
âI wonât support human trafficking and abuse of females and also the selling of human body as a sexual object, woman are not to be treated as sexual objects. Thatâs what Korn does to woman for all to see, she is shared with many, lose of value, no feminity, they are lost into their own impulses and ways.â
No matter what, we must get better every time and learn.
What I learned:
- When it comes to a womanâs beauty donât look into the details, just know that you find her attractive and you donât have to know every single detail. Getting caught in details especially in woman who are hot or attractive to you will get you in trouble because curiosity can also be destructive. Make your curiosity be a good thing for you, not for your own bad. Embrace the beauty but deny the impulses.
- I also learned I need to meditate and focus on my breathing. Stop everything, just think about one thing maybe a nice scenery you went to or ocean, or whatever it may be. Closing your eyes. It makes a huge difference in relapsing. I learned this because I tried to close my eyes before posting this and just being with my eyes closed with no noise. I felt a gentle relaxation Everytime I would inhale and exhale, imagining the ocean of half Moon Bay.
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Meditation experiences:
(February) day: 6th year: 2024
I concentrated myself to just relax next to my window bed across the sky, seeing the sky with concentration, and just closed my eyes and tried to imagine the beach from half Moon Bay. It felt relaxing with every inhale and exhale I did. I bet it was a few minutes. But it works with an exhale out inhale in breathing. Just being there for a few moments helped my mood a bit clear up my head full of tension and thoughts. It will take time to get better.
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2024 Personal counter: copy and paste
(February month)
Weekly meditation practices streak( atleast once per week or mid-day everyday)
Week 1 - 1
Week 2 -
Week 3 -
Week 4 -
Hard mode: day 4
KORN free video format: 4 days
Lusting after images + M without korn: 0
Can mean looking at pictures online
((Try to keep korn free always no matter what))
Day 4
I relapsed 4 days ago, before that I relapsed constantly without â â â â for a few more days. So I started No PMO when I stopped all that watching the P and M which is 4 days of NO PMO now. But I am still pushing through in my journey to defeat â â â â addiction. I realized that I was not making enough time for meditation and the inner world of myself and not balancing my time wisely with good healthy pleasures, my priorities like school work, my health and sleep. Iâve been constantly these following days been drinking beet juice to help my blood stream and exercising as well, also helps the mind 
.I did workout 2 times this week, the second one yesterday and it was amazing. I felt great and did more running and also weight lifting for 1 hour. I had a couple images of P and feelings of lust in my head keep popping up at times but I didnât care anymore ,I kept going in my improvement journey. The more I thought less of my lust the more I felt I didnât care anymore or need it, more so after what I did after relapse which really got me concentrated more on the journey. After I relapsed I actually threw away these wannabe hentai anime films away in the garbage that I got from my friend and 1 I got from this anime store, which I didnât realize was triggering once i saw the image of hot anime busty girls half naked displayed in this poster and DVD said TV-MA which was given to me with the DVD that I got from that anime store. In addition, I also deleted any past images from my computer like ex GF dancing which didnât realize was in my Google drive , I then cleaned my Google drive which surprisngly had lots of things that were taking up space and also email which had tons of triggers and just spam. Furthermore ,I cleaned out also my Netflix account with all shows that had triggers, cut off dating apps even those I didnât use at all as a way to stop all triggers for now on. I had enough of it all. So I felt by doing all that I can truly finally change in the right way. A new life demands drastic changes which is true, all these triggers can become escapes and since I am getting out of P addiction I need to start from scratch. I even deleted fallout with all the configurations my friend spent all his effort in because the mods were really sexual in nature and next time I speak to him I donât really know what I will tell him lol . Haha maybe tell him that "I did it by accident or probably didnât realize I deleted it because I was trying to delete this other dumb game in my computer that was useless. "But this is all for my good. I also stopped using Facebook and the media since I donât really have much friends anyways. Spending more time outside my phone allowed me to realize that time speeds up faster when I am just in the moment and doing what I need to do being productive or just being even if itâs in my room alone. I felt a more sense of awareness in my surroundings as well and just focused on my work from college. I kept focusing that all the efforts will pay off. I kept focusing on what I am doing now will not be something to regret, I will keep it as experience and have lots of gain. I just kept thinking itâs failure thatâs not okay because you donât learn anything but falling is okay because you gain experience but also find more skills inside that falling. So even if I felt uncertain at times, that saying really kept me going because itâs true. It was the reason I even started college because I know that no effort is useless, but effortlessness is useless because no gain. I was also being more aware this week, yesterday I saw 2 birds mingling outside on the roof kissing each other . It was a beautiful moment to see in nature from my window where I exercise. Anyways, yesterday I learned a bit about meditation and what it means to have a flexible personality. I went outside of my backyard today and it was sunny and windy, when I closed my eyes I can see the ocean of an ocean I visited before on my mind swallowing my other thoughts lol. Just relaxing ,It felt great being in the moment 
I got really intrigued by it.
Today:
- Finish class assignment
- meditation
- Read a book
- Maybe treat yourself to a show or movie(not too much)
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2024 Personal counter: copy and paste
(February month)
Weekly meditation practices streak( atleast once per week or mid-day everyday)
Week 1 - 1
Week 2 - 0
Week 3 - 1
Week 4 - 1
No PMO hard mode: day 1
KORN free video format + images: 1 day
Number of relapses in year total: 6
Progress*
((Try to keep korn free always no matter what and masturbating))
I relapsed a day ago. I didnât watch Korn but I relapsed to a show on Netflix because they showed a woman naked in the show and you can see the cleavage alot lol. I didnât expect it would affect me this much, but I guess I was wrong once again. I deleted the show and also anything else like YouTube subscribers that had triggers, I also removed a list of girls I was attracted as a playlist to but rather changed it to a playlist from woman around the world that way it wouldnât be as tempting. So yeah I figured I should have done that as well. So now thereâs no triggers. I want to reset myself so I need to do this. I didnât relapse to Korn which is good atleast. I considered it a relapse even though I didnât watch Korn because I couldnât control myself from masturbating constantly after I had the images of the womanâs cleavage on my mind and had a late breakfast and missed some study time. So thatâs why I consider it a relapse. In general anything that deals with M is a relapse. I want to focus my energy on other better matters.
Day 1 today - I actually woke up around 10 a.m. today. I slept naked so that I can restore my energies after the previous day. I had a strong boner for many hours surprisingly. Anyways, I felt better today a bit since I worked out the day before when I relapsed. I didnât want to feel groggy and mental fogginess so I did a workout. I had a nice meditation today as well, I meditated on the Lord God and just was closing my eyes. Gazed on his presence and was singing. I felt great with the sun this morning as well outside and also meditated on my room to sing for the Lord while eyes closed. I am also going to practice for my midterm exam today since I have it for âElementary Statistics.â
Things to do by end of day:
- Meditation
- Do midterm test and study
- Study for other class
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Yesterday day 1
I did a good salsa dance last night. I felt like my body needed to dance. Dancing felt more spiritual than exercise. It was an awakening to the spirit and brings a cheerful mind and keeps demons away. It felt amazing. I did the dance once my body felt like it wanted to gain more confidence and that time I was feeling lazy and not wanting to do exam for my statisticsâŚbut I mustered inner strength and felt like dancing then after I did the exam. I guess I needed it.
Things I did yesterday:
- Did meditation
- Danced salsa
- Finished 1st exam midterm class statistics
Day 2 today
Things I did already:
1.Cut grass this morning
To do now:
- Finish studying for jazz and assignments and other assignments for statistics.
- Listen to calm music.
*No urges today. I feel like I want to finish my class works and feel more pumped. Not super excited to get things done but more than day 0 for sure!
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Day 3
Had a nice sleep even though woke up a little late haha but had a good dream. Dream was about going to the mall with my sisterâs and family. But I had a party yesterday night here because we were selling food to a guest here. I drank some beer and wine but I controlled the amount I consumed of course. I woke up today to eat healthy with a nice beet and banana blend. I went outside my backyard and relaxed in bathing from the sun doing some tai chi. Felt better afterwards.
Today :
- More studying for Jazz and working on statistics assignment.
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God Bless this day. Emmanuel
.
. I had a couple urges these couple days but I was focused on my math assignments mostly and college future. I didnât really exercise as much either last week, I did a couple workouts but mostly doing my assignments and learning how to study properly. I am getting better. I still have a bad habit of looking at womanâs private parts quickly when I cashier haha. But I try to not look. I havenât had an urge to look at â â â â if anything I never wish to see that stupid stuff again, itâs garbage trash looking at other people and even trafficked kids being sexualized dumb!! â â â â is a destructive fast food for our eyes! Causes us to be simps! Mind controlled! Own your mind then you will free yourself and find truth!
Today I feel like I have a little more energy, I can feel the fire energy inside waiting to explode. But right now my mind is in my future career and my preparations but also improving my routine and habits everyday to turn it into a sharp katana that pierces all! 