That’s awesome man. She’s got a lot of wisdom it seems like. 
60 days tommorow. Good job brother.
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Yeah she is very interesting.
60 days clean to start the new year , thanx for your support.
I wish you to cross your highest streak this time . Good luck mate 
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Hey man, i am from your neighboring country. I know how it’s going in your place. Hope things will get well soon enough and the people will get a winning conclusion.
I Really liked reading your story of last few days. It’s been very inspiring. Rooting for you, man. You’ve got this!
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Thanx mate @ERNOL . Our country is facing some dirty politics, that’s all.
Day 61
Today I with my team finished a project in time , actually ahead of time . We all were efficient and the motivation was constant. We even got 2 whole day to improve our project after finishing it. Quite a satisfying day. We went out to eat together today , it was fun.
I am full of energy these days , even my male friend asked what did I had this morning 
. People kind of gets attracted towards you when you have this energy. I feel I am on my prime time now. No time to stop, it’s time to shine.
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Go bro go!!! That is awesome to hear. Congrats and stay strong bro and awesome!!
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It’s a bit contradictive isn’t it. A lot of us when in this addiction are ‘below average’ but once we start this journey we become above average. Or atleast that’s how it seems. Maybe these ‘benefits’ are how a normal human is supposed to function. We cannot really know can we, atleast until studies are done on former pmo addicts brains and average peoples brains.
Lol sorry for going on a bit of a tangent I just find it interesting. You’re doing really well brother. Good job. Keep going!! Much love. 
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@Cubenix thank you brother and wish you the same. Stay strong 
@Sacred you are absolutely correct , this how a human normally look like , human is a social animal. But being a drug addict or pmo addict , we lose our vital energy that we normally should have.
DAY 62
Last week working schedule fucked up my sleeping pattern.
Yesterday I went to bed around 10 pm , but I couldn’t close my eyes , then after a while I saw the date turned to 30 Dec on my phone and my brain started craving for ■■■■ . My brain was telling you went 60+ days what else you need to prove ? There are just two days left of 2019, give yourself a reward only for these two days,fap allllll you want and together we will start a fresh beginning from 1st January.
All the flashback of the nudes that I deleted, some of my favourite videos came up in my mind. I tried breathing, practicing, meditating nothing was working. To make it worse I started overthinking about every negative things in my life. It was like why the hell even I am fighting for. People fapping out there are also having a great day then why can’t you???
Soon my thoughts became overwhelming. I was in fear of I don’t sleep ,these thoughts will kill me! I was still under my blanket and one point I even started mental edging , my dick was hard as a rod. I could feel every rush of blood inside me. My heart was beating fast. My phone was just lying near me , I just wanted to see it so badly.
I always have this formula like everything will be alright after waking up the next morning, and it was the next morning and the time was 7am , I wasn’t still able to sleep , still horny.
Somehow I did fell asleep after 7 and I woke up at 11 am. I did surviveed the night but I don’t think I can keep up if it happens again. I am considering taking sleeping pills to avoid a relapse.
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@Adioz thank you brother. My consciousness saved me from fapping, I knew these were all lies and I knew how and why relapsing will not be any good for me. That kept me going through the night.
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Oh jeez brother, that sounds rough, but I’ve been there too. The worst kinda thing.
Yes bro, if I know I might have serious trouble falling asleep I take a sleeping pill to help me, although if it’s possible, I split it up so I don’t take the whole dose because otherwise I find I wake up drowsy. But everyone is different.
Remember that you can always start journaling out those thoughts as they come as well, if the sleep pill doesn’t work right away. Write them out and work through them, I swear it will make them easier to fight. But I know you know this, I say it a lot lol, maybe a bit too much. I apologize if so, but it has seriously made such a difference for me.
I wish you luck today and tonight brother! Remember that we are rooting for you on the sidelines. If you can’t think of any reason, think of us, we want to see you succeed, even when your brain doesn’t want you to.
Keep up the fight bro!
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@Special_Bird I will take half of the pill. Let’s see. And I also believe in writing down the thought process, it works very well . Don’t apologize for being right.
Thank you so much 
I won’t let you down . All the very best to you and the next year is all yours to win.
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Tough times brother. Consider it a blessing that you didn’t relapse. You’ve got 60+ days under your belt, that’s 60+ days of recovery/progress. You want to throw that away why? Because a new year’s coming? I know this isn’t the case off of one relapse, but imagine relapsing and having to start your progress all over at day one. Imagine what it’ll feel like if you do relapse. And who’s to say you’ll only relapse once and you’ll be done with it? You decided you’d relapse once last time didn’t you? Do you really want to restart that endless cycle going into 2020?
Remember brother the habit has absolutely no benefit to you. It won’t connect you to a real women. The high you get off of it is a false high. Straight after you’ll regret doing it. These are all reasons not to do it, but we haven’t even touched why you started this journey in the first place… What did pmo damage in your life to cause you to quit? Did it make you less confident? Did it damage your health somehow? Maybe it made you weaker? For sure you said yourself in your diary you’ve got more energy now so it made you more lethargic. I recommend you write down what it’s damaged brother and go deep. From the biggest reasons to the smallest.
You dodged a bullet there and it must be taken with the biggest consideration. If you almost relapsed that means you can almost relapse today or tommorow unless you address it how it needs to be addressed now. I don’t mean to condemn you or anything, this is me trying to help you before a fall does happen. Goodluck bro. Whatever happens I’ve got your back.
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Yes @Sacred I have never specified clearly how much damage PMO did to me.
I stated PMO from the age of 12 and continued doing till this year. I am now 23.
I did tried to no fap before but I didn’t had any good strategies , I always failed.
It effected my sports career , I always used to be low on stamina and endurance. I was very passionate about it. I was even selected for a one year course in the Assam Badminton academy. But fear had the best of me. I was so low at motivation that I decided to quit and move on to something else. It was all because of PMO.
Later I joined college , I wasn’t able to make many friends, my addiction got even worse. I remembered I asked out a beautiful girl and she even said yes, but guess what I didn’t showed up. I still feel bad for her. Social anxiety was a real issue. And at the college farewell, someone wrote Mr. Shy on my back of the t-shirt. Back in school I used to win competition debate competition and dance competition and most of the teachers used to know me but that was completely opposite in the college phase.
My hairs started to fall and I became very skinny , my eyes were hollowed like a sick person. I knew PMO was bad but I used to go and search videos like benefits of masturbating and all those kinds of shit to make me feel good. I could have done so much better .
Now that I know and have experienced it myself , there is no turning back to change things that have already happened but I can always change the future. I want my 20s to be full of energy and goal oriented. I don’t want to waste it like my teenage phase.
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Well done brother. Stick these reasons in everytime an urge comes. That reminder kills the voice that says it’s beneficial to you. You listed mental, physical, and chemical damage it’s caused. Scary that it can do that and has the power to damage you even now. Let’s never look back brother. You’ve got this.
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Day 64
I was able to sleep properly , no problem . I also didn’t took any sleeping pills. When I got to my bed I was already feeling sleepy.
Yesterday had a happy feast with my family. Enjoyed music , danced and jumped like a little kid. I am getting more and more happiness.
And wish you a very happy new year
Make this year your’s life changing one
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Adioz:
I am scared that what if this questions comes in my mind what should I will do…?
I am not sure if @Adioz have found answers for this yet. But this is how i’d answer those questions… Putting it up here for folks that can make use of it:
tuku:
My brain was telling you went 60+ days what else you need to prove ?
What’s else is there to prove? There’s still there to prove that my will has full authority over my wishes. It won’t happen without my permission. Not another relapse will happen without my permission. I will show that.
Then i’d most probably do 2 things:
- check again my reasons, why i’m on this journey. i have those written on my mobile.
- Read up how my relapses made me feel. I have those written down too.
Should be enough to give you control.
tuku:
People fapping out there are also having a great day then why can’t you???
Oh yeah? There’s people who don’t fap are also having a great day out there. Uh, so what’s your point…?(Personally,i use little bit sarcastic tone in reply to negative thoughts so that they diminish in power.)
I don’t have to fap to have a great day. Today is not great? I will have a wonderful awesome day tomorrow/soon. You’ll see! 
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@ERNOL well said . You are clearly in control of your actions. It’s good to see a fellow companion to advance in his journey with such a strong mentality.
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@tuku i find that mentality is such an useful tool in this journey. 
But i get bad days too. I have those same struggles. And honing mentality has guided me out of making the wrong decision many times.
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Tuku
I read your diary…it’s inspiring man
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@apkf Thanx man , I am so glad it inspired you . Appreciate it 
all the best for you journey.
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