Thanx @Sahas
I may have restraint myself from masturbating, but edging always resulted in wet dreams.
During day 20-30 , whenever I had uncontrollable urges I used feed them with filth videos. But on the other hand I was too stubborn to let my streak fall to 0 from 20 since it was highest streak ever back then. So in order to get the dopamine I used to edge till my phone battery dies. Then I go to bed and everything was back to normal in the morning. This was not a good idea , I suffered from blue balls , bad sleeping routines and a very long flatline later. And guilt was there too.
Day 45
I am fully committed to my success. I spend many hours sorting out my priorities today. It’s getting me excited.
And not even a single urges today . Feeling sleepy too. Hoping for a good quality sleep today. See you diary
This is my defeat. I gave my best. Deep down I knew I wasn’t going to make it to 90 days. My doubts took over my will power. Suddenly 90days the complete reboot started looking too far away.
Reason :
I started sexting with one of my friend and she started playing alone , she even send some semi nudes pics. After the end of chatting I couldn’t delete those pics .
I tried to fight the urge , I even went to the WhatsApp group , where one told to have sex with her but don’t do pmo, one told me to marry her, one literally told me to rape her like to book a hotel and make her drunk and put your dick inside her to release the urge. Soon the group started getting into religious argument.
It didn’t helped me at all. It was raining and cold. I couldn’t even take a shower.
I can’t think clearly , I fapped like 2 times whithin 5 mins , I broke my streak. I don’t know if I can reach there again.
Sorry to let you down who supported me.
If you start with a half-hearted attempt, you will fail spectacularly
The most underrated advice is “keep your hands out of your pants”
Great streaks were once achieved by cold turkey withdrawal
The first few days are always the most difficult
Entertaining a trigger will never do you any good in life
Harder, longer lasting and more frequent morning wood is a sign of your brain healing in progress
Never under-estimate an urge — Neither suppress nor act on an urge ; allow it to pass through you and when you do it over and over again, you will realize how powerless it actually is, and your self-respect will grow to epic proportions
For the millionth time – wet dreams are not relapses
Flatlines can be very long , learn to be patient
The emotions might return after few weeks of no-fap- you will be irritable, angry and sad and happy in a single day- deal with it
Nofap will make use more honest, assertive, confident and tolerance to assholes will diminish proportionally to the number of days of your streak
Attention from women will manifest itself as more second glances, smiles, initiation of physical contact like touching, hugs … get used to it
The number of f-cks you give will decrease alarmingly
Social anxiety, articulation of words in public talking and body language will drastically improve proportionally to the number of days in the streak
As more days pass, Nofap becomes easier – but never ever under estimate an harmless Urge
Brother, it’s very sad news to hear that you relapsed. You’ve come so far in the past few weeks. You’ve grown and experienced some of the benefits of living free and clean from addiction.
We have to believe that we will be successful. Doubt alone can cause us to sabotage ourselves. We become what we think about. If we look at our counter going up and believe that at some point it will show zero hours again, then circumstances will lead us back there. It is entirely possible for all of us to break free for good without so much as a five second peek at pornography.
Like @Sahas said, edging or peeking is very dangerous. From my point of view, it is a relapse, but you have to decide what boundaries you will set in your journey. Nothing good can ever come of them, they only fuel urges to come back stronger the next time, they’re highly addictive and damaging to our sexual health. Best to let go of them for good. You’re better than me, I would have completed the full PMO relapse cycle long before day 46 if edging/peeking happened in my streak. You can definitely do this.
Never try to fight the urges. I know we always speak in this community about keep fighting, bro and stay strong, but fighting the urges doesn’t work. Imagine it like fighting a boss in a video game who is programmed to heal every time you attack him. Fighting the urges only makes them stronger. It is when we accept them as weak thoughts that are ultimately in our control that they lose their power. We acknowledge that we can choose how we want to act at any moment, and remind ourselves of the reasons why we want to continue. We do this every time, and we can always overcome any urge.
Thankyou @Forerunner . I will thoroughly follow this method this time. I look up to you , to be in your place and feel the other side of life. It must be beautiful there.
Day 1HARD MODE
Took a break from smartphone today. I kept myself busy in activities. Focus was not there. Mind was full with random thoughts. Almost hit a car today .
Time to step up the game.
I made some ground rules for me today.
No sexting. Texting limited to flirting only.
Usage of smartphone limited to 2 hours a day.
Join a gym membership.
Start cooking again. No outside food except for Sunday.
Practicing to deal with urges atleast once a day.
Peeking or edging means relapse.
This is it for now.
This time I pledge myself to quit PMO for once and for all. No turning back , No excuses.
Day 2
Woke up at 6:30 am.
Found a gym nearby, it’s a small gym and it’s 5 mins away from my apartment . I will be joining from tomorrow.
Sleep quality has increased , before sleeping I decided to read a horror book. From today I will be reading before sleeping , it always make sleepy and comfortable in my blankets.
Urges were strong today , those flashbacks were hitting me. I took a deep breath and focused on my inner peace.
Day 3
Brain fog is there. I am still finding it hard to concentrate. Many distractions out there.
Went to the gym , it was closed for some reason today.
Day 4
Moved in with a friend. He is very religious and an honest guy. Yesterday we made dinner in like 40 mins ,it was not that hard. I will be able to follow a healthy diet from now on.
Also yesterday I went to the gym too early that’s why it was close
Day7
Again had a wet dream last night. You just can’t avoid it . I have tried everything.
Also I feel like I have 40% recovered from the relapse.
I also gained the confidence to talk with this beautiful girl yesterday. Her voice was so sweet and soft , I was blown away. We both were strangers to each other, yet we managed to shake hands amongst the crowd looking at each other’s eyes. She smiled a bit , curled her hair. I was too shy to handle it but kept my cool somehow. We talk for a bit and she had to leave. I am planning on seeing her again.
Hard mode does helps you recover faster.
Day 8
I searched her name on Facebook, couldn’t find her since I forgot to ask her lastname. But she told me she is studying in a certain department. Right now I am planning to go to that department and find her . But I don’t know how will I approach her and will she find it awkward that a stranger is stalking her? I don’t know .
The whole day was quite normal, made my 3 meals . No junk foods. I even started grooming myself. Tried some home remedies for dry skin.
Went to the gym , I am just allowed to do pushups pullups and squats.
And PMO is nowhere to be found in my mind.
Let’s see how long does it go.
The best way I know to fix dry skin is to take an cold shower than once you get out put lotion on almost every part of your body. Warm and hot showers make your skin dry; it removes the oil from your skin that keep it looking young.
Day 9
Today I want to share my thoughts that I’ve never told anyone before.
I was in sports during my teenage years and yes there was always motivation around me, motivation was my fuel or you can say it use to gave me dopmaines to push myself.
But one day I realised I wasn’t good enough and without a scholarship, my family was not able to afford my sports club fees . But my mom’s never mentioned it to me. Than I decided to quit since it was a waste of money and time.
Then life happened, I began to look what others were doing, I began to follow them. PMO was a daily habit, I was even told that doing PMO before sleep increases your sleep quality.
But one day I figured it out my new love my new passion. And it doesn’t requires any money to begin with. Then I dropped out of my master’s degree. And went to go and fight for my dream. But now as I realised this , it’s very hard to find motivation in this field, Back in days I was surrounded by atheletes and coach , they were my motivation. Now I feel alone as I am sitting in my apartment. The society always tries to show me that you are not suppose to be doing this , you are just wasting your time while others getting good grades, cracking exams , good jobs etc.
Now as I look around there is no coach or any friends that will push me . I just act like a tough guy and share motivation , this has helped me a bit but deep down I am a soft and sensitive one. If only I could find someone to share my journey with , to talk about my ups and down, to hold her whenever I feel alone. I believe in hardwork and coming out of the comfort zone and I have seen changes too. My life struggle is nothing compared to many others out there. I have hope that one day it will all be worth it.
