Thinking if you are Man or still a Boy


Today during my morning meditation question poped out and I was unable to continue. Question was “Am I a man or a boy”. Let me elaborate it a bit more to explain what does this mean.

I am almost 30YO, have decent job in IT, I can take care of myself like I can cook, wash clothes etc. I am trying to change my lifestyle to be more genuine and productive and more myself. I am thinking about my future. Not always, but I set up pension saving, planing to buy a flat, have family all these houghts and actions.

But sometimes I think that I am still a boy. Not like 15YO boy, but adult boy, so lets say 22YO on college with plenty of time/life in front of me and sometimes careless and reckless (as 22YO. I am not reckless / careless anymore, but it is part of most of 22YO “boys” mindset/thinking/being). Basically I am thinking “Sh*t, am I doing things right? I am mature now, WTH am I doing? Am I man enough to be able to start family (even tho I am single now, but you know. You never know.)” or sometimes feeling that “I am not a man YET” pops up in my mind and I start thinking.

I am not trying to dehonest or make younger people more reckless, careless or less responsible, I know a lot of people who are in some fields more mature and responsible then I was their age or as I am now.

There is an saying that you are as old as you feel, but is more for the physicall part of YOU. But this is not like that. It is more like “I sould behave and act like a man as I am a man.” as I do or trying to do for 100% and I am responsible for my actions and I am aware of that. But sometimes there is this uncertanity of decisions or actions or being.

I am not really THAT worried, but it popped in my head and I was unable to continue in meditation and it bothers me if there is something that could be improved or changed or it is totally OK.

Does anyone have/had this mindset or thinking or uncertanity or anything? Does anyone can relate to this? And if you had or can, do you have any advice?


PS: maybe I forgot some thoughts so maybe description of “mental state” or “thinking” is not accurate yet, but main message is there :slight_smile:

*PS2: Also I am trying to not compare myself with others, but is is hard as it is fight with “society programming”. Maybe it is caused by these stuff, I am not sure. But I am now thinking about it without any objective answer or anything, so I will stop for now :slight_smile: *


I can relate all these questions popping inside your mind…
Yeah sometimes we all become careless like we are living life of college guy(old me)… And trying to fulfil our needs which we didn’t at that time. But we may forgot most of times that life is gone and we have to be serious. And we should think about our future.
Whatever we do we can’t change the past,
So, it’s better to change present… And work hard for the future.
remember Happy days today makes our past memories :heart_eyes:

We actually should be like a Man by mindset or our actions.

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Yes, but what bothers me is, that I am not living like that or have same thoughts as I used to have (I never was much careless or reckless anyway) and despite that sometimes I think that my actions are not enough or I have feeling that I am not man enough. Like my childish personality kicks in and then I have some doubts about myself.

Also anyone whom I consider mature have family or is in relationship and I am sitting here alone and do stuff alone and it reflect in my mind as “not mature enough” I guess.

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Yeah, maybe I am slowly learning and I realize that I dont need to push some stuff like I used to ane taking it more chill way and this is why I have this feeling of “taking things more freely and just live life”. IDK honestly.

It sometimes popes out in my head and that is it.

Maybe it is just insecurity of my decisions, but you ocasionaly know right away if this or that decision is good or bad. Usually you know it later or it changes from good to bad and vice versa.

I think best option here will be just accept and acknowledge that feeling and go by my way. Same way as it is with urges, coz overthinking just brings depression and lot of negative stuff.

Also to your previous reply and quote:

We actually should be like a Man by mindset or our actions.

You are right, but what is mindset of a man, everyone have different opinion on that as it is quite subjective topic and also there is no universal answer for that, which will fit to everyone. IMHO

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Hi @koaxicek

There are some books on stoicism like Books by Marcus Aurelius and Seneca. I find the qualities described in those books are a good thing to develop. It will lead us more and more closer to the manhood you are talking about. Try to repeat read those books and implement in life. Also Jordan Peterson videos helps.

It’s Better to Know in Your Own way

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I am watching Peterson for over a year now and trying my best to follow it and I am much better than I was 1,5 year ago. I find his opinions logical and reasonable and lets say normal in case of morality. I am not a di*k and I never was, but you know some doubts here and there about “right path” :slight_smile: Also I am going to read 12 rules, but IDK how well it is translated to my language as I am concerned by “lost in translation” stuff. I heard about some books by Marcus Aurelius, so I will look them up and check them.

Thanks :slight_smile:

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Could you please elaborate your answer a bit more?


A women perspective
What is your ideal man should be like?

  • responsible
    What is the ideal man of today’s Society?

What’s the difference of Old Man and Modern man?

Hope you find the Answer for that

Ideal man doesn’t change with society. There are some inherent qualities of men which should always be present. There are four major archetype of men::

  1. King,
  2. Warrior,
  3. Magician,
  4. Lover.
    In order for a man to achieve mature masculine strength and energy, he must be in touch with all four…
    But in some one of the four is dominant relative to other.

But there are some qualities like which everyone should develop.

#1 Live in Agreement with Nature – The Stoic Goal of Life
#2 Live by Virtue – It Is the Highest of All Goods
#3 Focus on What You Can Control, Accept What You Can’t
#4 Distinguish Between Good, Bad, and (‘Preferred’) Indifferent Things
#5 Take Action – The True Philosopher Is a Warrior of the Mind
#6 Practice Misfortune – Ask “What Could Go Wrong?”
#7 Add a Reserve Clause to Your Planned Actions
#8 Amor Fati – Love Everything that Happens
#9 Turn Obstacles into Opportunities – Perception Is Key
#10 Be Mindful – Stoic Mindfulness Is Where it All Begins

These are few stoic qualities I was talking about in the earlier post. I would strongly recommend to read stoicism.

I agree that taking wisdom from an old man is advisable.