That I will not give into triggers and I will find myself open to and secure in God the Father’s love. I’ve been feeling a deficit of fatherly love in my life and don’t have many older men in my life right now.
Praying for you guys too.
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Praying for you both today
@Forodwaith @Gk-00
Hope you guys are well,
And @Forerunner @Rebooter81
There’s a few pdfs with the ‘strive’
One which is a circular diagram;
The middle represents - fall/relapse/the things we want to overcome.
The 2nd (outer circle of the middle)
unhealthy habits ie; social media/phone/late nights - the things that lead us to the middle.
And the 3rd - The Outer / Healthy habits.
Exercise, friendships, prayer, spiritual, good food, walking, sightseeing, reading, writing, music, films, enjoying work, helping others, cleaning, cooking, taking pride in our appearance, hobbies, languages, learning, knowledge
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Wednesday
Fairly good day, I was at university in the morning, in the afternoon did some lighter work. Relapsed before going to bed as yesterday, I just felt like I wanted to do that again, did not try that hard to stop myself either. Hoping to get back on track soon!
@anon67854825 I completed day 11 of strive yesterday, today did not do it. It was very helpful and I probably need to look back at the thoughts I wrote during all these days, to reignite my motivation.
@anon67854825 @Forodwaith @Forerunner thank you all for the prayers, I really need them! Bad periods are the moments in which God is the closest to us, we just don’t believe it because we think that we are not worth His love, that we are too flawed to be considered sons by Him, but it’s not true! 
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Wednesday
Still struggling with procrastination, I pray GOD strengthens my resolve.
Morning Routine: 
Wake up by 6AM:
Three Important Tasks: 
Please watch the latest video brothers, I pray the message helps you @Forodwaith @Gk-00
#NoPornNovember Day 13 - new video: ‘Pornography and masturbation are not enjoyable?’
https://photos.app.goo.gl/LRr9tgC5ymais9xY6
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0/7 ExerciseI pray that the mornings and evenings are good moments for us @Gk-00 @Forodwaith including myself, and requests.
Wednesday @Forerunner @Rebooter81
I went to Mass this morning,
It was a funeral Mass for a beautiful elderly Sicilian man who had moved to UK in his youth. I was moved to tears seeing his wife weep as his coffin was carried in. He sounded like a truly great husband, father and grandfather, feeling happiest with his family.
It made me think of you guys and your prayer request, my Priest’s discernment, my Dad’s health condition, and my very close elderly friend.
I’m fortunate to have elders who want the best for me, even though sometimes I’m skeptical of their subconscious reason
Perhaps it is me that creates that burden,
If they did want the best for me for their sake, I could return the favour and give them what they want
Maybe it’s not such a bad thing to want others to be well for selfish, self-satisfactory reasons, maybe it’s just human.
But wanting God to lead the way in other’s lives is always the highest gift we can ever give.
My priest/confessor is about my age.
He’s had a remarkable impact on my spiritual life, but he is taking ‘leave of absence’ for discernment. I’m gutted this recent period feels as though it is being cut short, but hope he finds his way with The Lord
It was a good working day,
And I’ve been to the steam room, and exercised later on.
I wasn’t social at the steam room. I didn’t initiate conversation, which isn’t weird, nor join in any group conversation as it got busier.
I could’ve, but I’d made my plan to relax - it’s not a bad/good thing, but life doesn’t always follow the plans we set.
Phone usage is a little clumsy, and this is where plans are wise. It’s almost 1am now, spending a long time writing, looking for the profound, while also thinking about checking into ‘strive’ for my daily challenge - and feeling urges to idolise creation, instead of thanking the creator
Thank you Lord for today, for the beauty, and for your peace. Please keep me free of temptation, but to see your glory within creation.
Never to smother, guard, or retain, but to help growth within/through and by you
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Posting a journal entry here to help me fall forward. (I got this from Mike Queppet).
A situation where I most commonly relapse is…
- At night before bed or in the morning generally when I feel overwhelmed, futile, or alone/orphaned
Emotion(s) I’m trying to escape from are… (OR: The pain I’m trying to get relief from is…)
- The pain, and stress of dealing with life from this place of aloneness
Something I’m doing to prevent relapse right now is…
- Keeping my phone away from my bed.
- seeking the Father’s love, getting my security and warrior Spirit (which is only in him) back
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Thursday
[FYI - Day 13, Resetting to Day 1 every Monday, ending on Day 7 every Sunday, unless I fall short. Don’t ask me why, but I’m sticking to this new plan]
How are you guys?
@Gk-00 @Forodwaith
@Forerunner @Rebooter81
I’ve struggled to pray today, though I went to Mass.
I will go tomorrow too, and give thanks to God
Lord, keep my head up, my eyes on you, moving forward. Through all the chaos and uncertainty, you alone are my rock and my resting place 
Exercise : x50 push-ups, throughout the day.
Some Tai Chi - threading the 9 pearls 
@Forodwaith didn’t you say, you used to do Tai Chi?
Phone : a little bit sloppy, now I’ve got loads of work done and no immediate tasks.
And it’s late, using my phone right now 
I still haven’t made a definitive plan about my unhealthy behaviour.
I shall Check-in 1pm-ish for updating Daily diary. And around 6pm-ish (early evening) for myself, diary + challenges - followed by some time on ‘strive’
Thanks be to God for today.
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@Forodwaith Great journal entry brother, think more about those threats and what you can do to find the way of escape.
@anon67854825 Whatever you need to do to stay inspired brother, we support you 
A business plan written on a napkin is better than no plan at all - it’s a good place to start! 
Thursday
At times, consistency feels daunting to me. But I have to envision a time when LORD willing, I will have overcome these challenges and have new challenges to look forward to!
Morning Routine:
Wake up by 6AM:
Three Important Tasks:
#NoPornNovember Day 14 - new video - ‘The Willpower Method doesn’t work’
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Friday
I went to morning Mass, but there was some hesitation, and didn’t feel the need to go to confession.
When I got to church, it was adoration, and the confessional was free, with nobody waiting.
I had some weird dreams, and thoughts weighing on my mind this morning, so confession was, and is always a good idea.
I miss my usual Priest, and reluctant to have confession with the Canon, but it was a good experience, and a new stage in my journey.
He went straight to the truth.
And his Homily after the gospel was very poignant -
Forgive give me I hadn’t prayed for you guys @Forodwaith @Gk-00 @Forerunner @Rebooter81
The priest reminded me of our fragility.
A young priest who recently died in his sleep.
A nun who was struck and killed by a car while just a few steps ahead of a fellow sister.
I thought about both of my Priest’s health conditions, (the Canon and my close priest on LOA) and my vulnerable close elderly friend, who when he goes, could be a massive shock to me.
Exercised I pushed myself a little harder today, and also went for a steam.
Met my Mum, and then went shopping for a few hours of frag smelling to buy something classy for my sister. Enjoyed being social with the staff
DIDN’T use my phone this morning 
I dipped into the app a couple of times today.
I could do better at this
It’s 21:50 - much better than 12/or 1am
Haven’t looked at strive yet, or recapped, and humbled myself about this journey.
Thanks be to God for each day
Lord, help me to be wiser in your Love, and be present to other’s needs.
I also noticed today, I need to keep asking for things for myself, the things that will make me happy.
I think we need to keep asking, without hesitation, and without ‘moving the goal posts’, second guessing ourselves.
We don’t know if God is saying yes to everything, and wants to give us the things that will make us singout with joy! “Glory to God in The Highest”
But fall for “I want this…”
but deep down
“I don’t/can’t/shouldn’t want this… because…”
Today = “I want this…”
Doesn’t come
Next day = “I want this instead…”
What do you really want? Seriously.
What would be truly awesome?
What would make you leap like a gazelle?
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@anon67854825 Thought-provoking - life truly is fragile. May GOD give them peace.
Good job with the phone use today
Friday
I want to put in more effort.
Morning Routine:
Wake up by 6AM:
Three Important Tasks:
#NoPornNovember Day 15 - new video ‘Get an accountability partner’
https://photos.app.goo.gl/LRr9tgC5ymais9xY6
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Two days closer to reboot.
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Saturday
No real plans today,
Media = idle, but I didn’t use my phone first in the morning
Exercise/prayer = non, as of yet
Some reflection - felt slothful, mindless for most of the day, weird dreams last night.
Shook off the cobwebs of idleness, cleaned, helped set up a few work related things for my friend eager to be active, called my sis, and spent the rest of the day with family
Social =
Thanks be to God
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@anon67854825 Turned the day around
Saturday
Very low productivity today, spent most of the day on Netflix 
I need to re-calibrate and figure out my goals and where I want to head to.
Morning Routine:
Wake up by 6AM:
Three Important Tasks:
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Saturday brought forth a really stressful aspect of my life and my relationship with my partner. It was enough tension that I ended up seeking escape. I should have sought to the Lord but that tension ended up leading to my regrettable choice to relapse.
I feel trapped, almost paralyzed. The only way forward is to wait patiently and courageously on the Lord. Please pray I can do this and break free. I will pray for you guys too.
Peace be with you.
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Sunday
With GOD’s Help, I will rise out of this slump. So will you brother @Forodwaith
Morning Routine:
Wake up by 6AM:
Three Important Tasks:
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Sunday
I prayed and lite a candle for you guys
@Gk-00 @Forodwaith @Rebooter81 @Forerunner, Myself, Friend, Priests
I had some shaky moments earlier, but wrote out a lot of practical truths in a long post. It helped, and didn’t feel the need to post, and watched some TV with my friend.
Exercise = now 
Thanks be to God for many things
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