Day 10 of the Journey (Day 164)
Affirmation: A civilization dies not from war, but from its own shame or self disgust, or something like that.
I am grateful for:
God, meditation, Cooking and superherbs. My friends, family, my crush, my emotions and feelings and principles, and for one more day free from deliberate seeking of porn.
Progress for the day:
Completed quizzes and just winged them. Faiked both. Procrastinate and you will pay the price. Went to church and was preached the love of God and I felt it just by being there, plus communion. God forgive me, as I focused on somewhat sexual things, like a post about the daughter of a father disowning him for being a Trump supporter, yet posting her body all over twitter for her âdaddyâ, as she was in THAT type of sexual relationship. I thought of stuff like the show Big Mouth and of Desmond is AmazingâŚand I felt shame and got more motivation to continue going.
Urges Defeated: too many to count
Other stuff to share:
r/loveafterporn, Paul Joseph Watson, r/coomer (minus some triggering content), r/nofap, r/antipornography, social media, Facebook if you see the right areas, the news, and so many others. As I mentioned in the progress part, there were a lot of things that I thought about, and yesterday. Reflecting on the world and my part in it. 20 years buried in Porn. So many years of shame, guilt, mental issues and my natural fetishes corrupted into a hateful malice. Looking at all the hate groups and the division of the genders, and the hypersexualized, pro- porn and infidelity driven society, and all this other pessimistic stuff⌠The more I stay away from the porn, the more I see how many lives it has ruined, how many marriages destroyed, how many people shamed into silence, how many people manipulated in their time of weakness. You got a fetish? Well you are sick in the head for having it, because anything other than vanilla is to be hated. Shame on you for being unique. But porn is your friend. Feed your curiosity. And it gets you. Like a parasite. And so many people are for it. So little see through the lies. Our beloved world is condoniing vile acts against children. Women and men are exploited and destroyed and left as shallow broken husks of what was once a beautiful person. People have done some some cruel things to each other for the pleasure. And most have never seen what really happens behind the cameras. We get our pleasure from the screen instead of a flesh and blood human being who we truly love and care about because they told us no one would love us because women are this, men are that. You will never be as beautiful or as attractive as the Porn stars. Dont open your heart, numb your emotions and your soul. Treat each other like a piece of flesh for your pleasure. We are public property. All in the name of âLiberationâ. 50 years ago, it was the other way around, with repressed sexuality. But now the shoe is on the other foot, and we took the inch and went 10 miles, causing suffering along the way.
But enough of the ranting. All talk and no walk is not who I am. Just know that NoFap isnât just about fighting addiction. NoFap is an underground revolution in its own way. To hell with watching porn; I want that love and sexual fulfillment with that one and only, with my crush or whoever I will spend the rest of my life with. Freaking porn is nothing but a sedative drug to suppress you, to suppress your masculine and feminine qualities and your drive, your desire and willpower. Leaves you weak and easy to control, like a man who would pay 10k to a random person for sexual pleasure. Like the woman who would cheat in her happy relationship because it is normal and common, because you have to stay in the one-up position. Porn, like any other drug, is a weapon to keep you in the pen like sheepâŚmakes you easier to control. And some group somewhere gets to live a lavish life while you suffer silently in the dark.
YepâŚNoFap is the new counter culture, and a divine blessing from God, if you want to expand your mind into the philosophical and perhaps conspiratory realm, as well as face your demons once and for all. Whatever; Porn is evil, and it will never be anything more than a curse that ruined the lives of so many people. Period. I have yet to see evidence to convince me otherwise.
Heroâs Day Streak: 25
Total Days Streak: 44
Affirmation: I feel back on track and better than ever! Keep it going!
Grateful for: Internet, Friends, Laughter
Progress: Another productive and clean day!
Number of tiny urges: 0
Number of practices: 10
