The Change - The Ambitious One's Diary [16M]

Here comes the roughest and the strongest part. Reversing the unmaking and becoming something more than I ever could . One year shall decide my future . Either this addiction or I will remain .

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I like your commitment and energy. But don’t dwell on these extremes.

One thing I have learned through my current streak is that, the more serious you try to take it the more space it occupies in your brain.

On the other hand, the more you put your focus on your life, the weaker this addiction becomes, the lesser space it occupies in your brain.

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Yeah I know
I was just doing the initial commitment to myself . You see , no much words as before . I started this one to account daily habits. My main goal is improving my habits anyways . But withou defeating ■■■■ , it will become difficult for me

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I understand. Just take it step by step. Read atomic habits book, it may help.

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Testing today - can I limit youtube all day without the help of blockers .

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This has always happened to me
And i used to get thoughts like ill do things after i get better
But no
Do things which doesnt worse ur situation
But dont fall into the bitch trap of our brain that its okay u can watch youtube since u cant do anything else
Tell the brain shut the fcuk up and u need to rest
Both mind and body
Watching youtube or using phone wont give rest to ur brain

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Exactly I was doing this time brother .
I remember last time , it was taking time to completely recover and I was sitting all days watching random stuff and playing games instead I could’ve studied . I also ended up taking more leave than needed because of laziness .
I didn’t comfort my mind by false lies this time. I took a nap and continued studying .

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These small achievements make u stronger
Keep it up brother
Stay strong

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Yes I can
its just that I need to keep myself busy
I am going to continue this further without blockers

1.1.24

Wake up Early :x:
Exercise :x:
Meditate :white_check_mark:
No social media :white_check_mark:
No youtube :white_check_mark:
Goal setting :white_check_mark:
No fantasization :white_check_mark:
Journal :white_check_mark:
Pray before sleep :white_check_mark:

Health disrupted everything I had planned . I can bear fever , cold but not cough , it sucks . Well I have acted much stronger today . Took actions everytime it was needed . But I could feel the weakness I had developed by the evening , I was too much frustrated and longed for dopamine . But in the end , I have not given up . There’s much to do . It might take a couple more days to completely recover . This is only beginning .

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Might take a week‎ ‎ ‎ ‎

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Couldn’t do much today .
Let’s hope I get better tomorrow . I also have my lecture classes , can’t afford missing them , especially physics and chemistry .

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3.01.24

Well I could have managed up waking up early and exercising . Health is better , its the outgoing cough , a bit troubling but okay . Aiming to wake up early and exercise tomorrow , I have things to cover I couldn’t in the last days .

Lets put all green tomorrow
I will change and increase some habits tomorrow

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Going on a digital detox for sometime

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Ah
I fucked up
Srsly , at first I never thought I would ever go back there again this year . But Im way too fucked up than I realize . A slight lack of dopamine and my lustful thoughts surge up , I was too lazy today . My screen time was more than it should’ve been and that is what brings in trouble. Iit did not exercise and meditate as I had planned . Things just can’t change in a few days in a situation I am in , I need to stay put longer . This came as a an absolute shocker and I feel devastated , but the only way Im gonna feel okay is by peace and getting rid of this .
If I didn’t till today , I will meditate before sleeping tonight , wake up early and exercise tomorrow . I feel cold and shivering after every relapse past sometime and I fell sick , I have just 90% recovered and did this bullshit .

My primary goal must be cutting of screen time once and all and then reducing guilty mindset. I remember the last time I let it go and fought without guilt , it was way better in all aspects .
Going to meditate and journal before sleeping , I must feel pain of discipline not guilt .

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I didn’t realize that I was slowly slipping back into the same thought process that stuck eme whole 2023 . All because I had raised my bar too high for the end and the beginning of a year . I need to be steady . I still remember those words from prothekther adan and it was goated advice , I need to blend in with that while being practical about my addiction .

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Yo @The_Ambitious_One , How are you ? Its been a while :slightly_smiling_face:

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Better bro
I was a bit confused and irritated for a while , but now there is more clarity regarding goals , actions and thinking . Not completely free , not yet , but more peaceful . Now just trying to take actions every time I lose control , staying on my path and not letting small things affect me .

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26Jan

I lost awareness from some days . I watched too much ■■■■ today and relapsed twice . I was taking it calmly to not overwhelm myself , but not caring about it will only work as long as I care about other things , discipline and right actions .
Honestly , I have not been aware of what was happening , I lost control over my thoughts and actions . And gave up into the lust .

I was lacking clear goal and reality . And I know what to do , I just wasnt doing anything , was feeling mentally weak and tired . Well , it has costed me some days and writing here helped me to act again .
Well , now I have to work again because I have last phase tests , also school annual exam next month .

Overall , I started good and was doing better but then the low phase hit and my strength stopped working . And this had to happen , because I had nothing in my mind after the first few days . I have to remind myself of my goals everyday .

Going to restart again from now , serious meditation is immediate need .

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