Because , "I’m brave girl " , I decided to be more detailed without any fear , to know that fap can be a misery for a girl too …
When I was 14 years old
(In adolescence) exploring that there are changes in my body …
I started touching girls without the down part of their bodies and I did that with 3 girls … (very ugly & disguesting )
I remember when men kissed me too from long time without any touching of my body
(I’m feeling surprised and runaway without understanding what happened )
Let you know that someday girls feel shame about what we do together and they tell me that we must stop and I do what they want too (I am not gay guys) but when I did that I don’t know what I do really I just wants to feel this extra feelings that you need by doing s**
I quit because they don’t want to anymore .
After that my body wasn’t feel any relax , so I started to masterbate without any knwoledge about what I do
If this right or wrong ?!
I didn’t know the bads that can happen to my life .
At first , I masterbate , yes , by imagination of my feelings with those past girls …
But really want more , so , I search for YouTube on s** and make me feel this crazness …
Each time the choice was more animal ، and hardfull …
When I was at high school I know about " s** chatting" but I never open the camera or open the audio with anyone of them …
I came to those chat only for talking not even to do f** not to do anything bad , this time I have a lot of personal mistakes happens in my life I can support it , so I search in Google for speaking with somebody simply …
But this reflected against me to hear harmful things that I did not understand I search for a guy to just talk to him and he can hear me only
The chat that I used to enter at intervals, and I was trying to find comfort in it, but I found nothing but misery and excessive deprivation, and everything in it is false and transient, just like my masterbation
I never understand how can words can make me act like an animal … How ?!
Almost late when I was 25 years old, I began to discover that I am not the only one in the universe to do this stigmatized and that what I do has a name .
Details of Submissive for all :
1- to be ugly
2- no self confidence
3- no lot of communication even I like to be with the group and enjoying time , there are time I go let to party or important interview because I masterbate (can you imagine the disgusting of this (
4- doing f** like drugs the need is greater the older you get
5- I can’t imagine that one day to stop this , so i said : no marriage for someone like me because my issue need an angel and we are still alive and a lot of things I can’t do it because I stigmatize this habit .
I used to pray for God a lot to keep me out of this habit, but without interest , I believed that I do not have the right to marry as long as I do this crime, I am a woman who has many problems, who is the man who will accept my mistakes in this world, this needs an angel who believes and But this was in the past .
What is happened to come here and began this journey was :
Oneday in April 2020 after coming here directly , I enter the chat and iwas not good at all
My intention : is make men suffer
There was someone I talk to him and because I 'm person who terrified i made him cling to me and after left him after that and say goodbye without any hope (this is my way of talking ) I didn’t want anything serious .
So when we are talking I go offline suddenly and go to sleep
, I had hope I would meet him even if I bid him farewell.
At night for 3 days I search for him but there is no any result …
In this 3 days I say words s** chatting , I was crazy , I masterbate without any mercy …
I become like zombie
This 3 days make me ، It made my body lean and made me feel a huge pain in the vagina … I think I was crying because I did not even know how to do my secret habit, something very miserable and disappointing.
At the 3th day in 5 am in my country I see him finally sending me a msg , I was very weak , I call him with the sound (Defeated, weak, blamed)
When he said to me darling :"
All my pain went away and bowed to everything that was required of me before, which is to talk away from the chat and it happened …
I was happy and afraid at the same time we started talking until 8 am (the extreme nervous and psychological fatigue) He was telling me that he succumbed to all my desires and asked me if I was doing the masterbation and my response was positive and he advised me to do the bad habit when I needed and his joke was to find hints Nationality (How can a person live like this) "
After that he suddenly open the camera on his penis
I was terrified and shivering
Searching for the block bottom
I cried, crying burning …
I danced to forget this , in this time I want to sleep tired
I slept and when I woke up :
As a result, I become a sex addict and I search on YouTube for videos that guide me to the good and what could help me trying to find an opportunity to get away from this habit and after that I joined this forum and benefited from it even if I was not active before then but I needed Until I put myself on the right path without asking for help, I am a person who used to be strong and determined
I wanted to be more effective than talking .
Please guys don’t hurt any woman , I couldn’t believe I could see a normal man .
We will do well guys , I know we will with a way or another .
This is my story guys and I 'm not feel shame again , I insist that I will go back again .