Because , "I’m brave girl "
I decided to be more detailed without any fear , to know that fap can be a misery for a girl too …
When I was 14 years old
(In adolescence) exploring that there are changes in my body …
I started touching girls without the down part of their bodies and I did that with 3 girls … (very ugly & disguesting )
I remember when men kissed me
from long time without any touching of my body (I’m feeling surprised and runaway without understanding what happened )
Let you know that someday girls feeling shame about what we do(kissing each other together ) they told me that we must stop and I do what they want too.
I am not gay guys # but when I did that I don’t know what I am doing really I just wants to feel this extra feelings that you need by doing s**
I quit because they don’t want to do this anymore .
After that my body wasn’t feel any relax , so I started to masturbate without any knwoledge about what I do , no one told me do or not …
If this right or wrong ?!
I didn’t know the bads that can happen to my life .
At first , I masturbate , yes , by imagination of my feelings with those past girls …
But really want more , so , I search for YouTube on s** and make me feel this crazness to my body…
Each time the choice was more animal ، and hardfull …
When I was at high school I know about " s** chatting" but I never open the camera or open the audio with anyone of them in that thime I did s** chat without knowing what I do (there was a curious about all what men say to me trying to talking to me ) …
But really , I came to those chat only for talking not even to do s** not to do anything bad, I was in a bad mood want to talk like a human only , this time I have a lot of personal mistakes happens in my life I can support it , so I search in Google for speaking with somebody simply …
But this reflected against me to hear harmful things that I did not understand I search for a guy to just talk to him and he can hear me only
The chat that I used to enter at intervals, and I was trying to find comfort in it, but I found nothing but misery and excessive deprivation, and everything in it is false and transient, just like my masturbation 
I never understand how can words can make me act like an animal … How ?!
Almost late when I was 25 years old
I began to discover that I am not the only one in the universe to do this stigmatized(fapping) and that what I do has a name .
Details of Submissive for all :
1- to be ugly
2- no self confidence
3- no lot of communication even I like to be with the group and enjoying time , there are time I go let to party or important interview because I masturbate (can you imagine the disgusting of this ?!) Please don’t 
4- doing f** like drugs the need is greater the older you get
5- I can’t imagine that one day to stop this , so i said : no marriage for someone like me because my issue need an angel and we are still alive and a lot of things I can’t do it because I stigmatize this habit .
I used to pray for God a lot to keep me out of this habit, but without interest , I believed that I do not have the right to marry as long as I do this crime, I am a woman who has many problems, who is the man who will accept me with this 
in this world , this needs an angel who believes or have a high level of mercy …
But this was in the past 
What is happened to come here and began this journey was :
Oneday in April 2020
after coming here directly , I enter the chat and i was not good at all:sweat:
My intention :
is make men suffer
There was someone I talk to him and because I 'm person who terrified i made him cling to me and after left him after that and say goodbye without any hope (this is my way of talking ) I didn’t want anything serious .
So when we are talking I go offline suddenly and go to sleep 
, I had hope I would meet him even if I bid him farewell.
At night for 3 days I search for him but there is no any result …
In this 3 days I say words s** chatting , I was crazy , I masturbate without any mercy … 
I become like zombie 
This 3 days make me ، It made my body lean and made me feel a huge pain in the vagina🥵 … I think I was crying because I did not even know how to do masturbation , something very miserable and disappointing.
At the 3th day in 5 am in my country I see him finally sending me a msg , I was very weak , I call him with the sound (Defeated, weak, blamed)
When he said to me darling :"
All my pain went away and bowed to everything that was required of me before, which is to talk away from the chat and it happened …
I was happy and afraid at the same time we started talking until 8 am (the extreme nervous and psychological fatigue) He was telling me that he succumbed to all my desires and asked me if I was doing the masturbation and my response was positive and he advised me to do it if I need it 
when I needed and his joke was to find hints Nationality (How can a person live like this) " sex sex sex …
What is this ?! 
Enough is enough
After that he suddenly open the camera on his penis
I was terrified and shivering
Searching for the block bottom
I cried, crying burning …so higher
I danced to forget this , in this time I want to sleep tired…
I slept and when I woke up :
As a result, I become a sex addict and I searcher on YouTube for videos that guide me to the good way and what could help me trying to find an opportunity to get away from this habit .
after that I joined this forum and benefited from it even if I was not active before then but I needed Until I put myself on the right path without asking for help, I am a person who used to be strong and determined,I wanted to be more effective than talking , I am trying to find my real strong and to be a real clear one , not only be happy when someone tell :“hey noir you are strong …” and to be happy for this …
No , I want to be a real one
Please guys don’t hurt any woman , I couldn’t believe I could see a normal man , we will do great guys , I know we will with a way or another .
This is my story guys and I 'm not feel shame again , I insist that I will not look back again .
Huuuraaaaa 
how they can survive and they have a chance to quit his addiction , there are no impossible .
