The begining of my terrible story with masterbation

Because , "I’m brave girl "

I decided to be more detailed without any fear , to know that fap can be a misery for a girl too …

When I was 14 years old
(In adolescence) exploring that there are changes in my body …
I started touching girls without the down part of their bodies and I did that with 3 girls … (very ugly & disguesting )
I remember when men kissed me
from long time without any touching of my body (I’m feeling surprised and runaway without understanding what happened )
Let you know that someday girls feeling shame about what we do(kissing each other together ) they told me that we must stop and I do what they want too.

I am not gay guys # but when I did that I don’t know what I am doing really I just wants to feel this extra feelings that you need by doing s**

I quit because they don’t want to do this anymore .

After that my body wasn’t feel any relax , so I started to masturbate without any knwoledge about what I do , no one told me do or not …
If this right or wrong ?!
I didn’t know the bads that can happen to my life .

At first , I masturbate , yes , by imagination of my feelings with those past girls …
But really want more , so , I search for YouTube on s** and make me feel this crazness to my body…
Each time the choice was more animal ، and hardfull …

When I was at high school I know about " s** chatting" but I never open the camera or open the audio with anyone of them in that thime I did s** chat without knowing what I do (there was a curious about all what men say to me trying to talking to me ) …
But really , I came to those chat only for talking not even to do s** not to do anything bad, I was in a bad mood want to talk like a human only , this time I have a lot of personal mistakes happens in my life I can support it , so I search in Google for speaking with somebody simply …
But this reflected against me to hear harmful things that I did not understand I search for a guy to just talk to him and he can hear me only

The chat that I used to enter at intervals, and I was trying to find comfort in it, but I found nothing but misery and excessive deprivation, and everything in it is false and transient, just like my masturbation :poop::sob:

I never understand how can words can make me act like an animal … How ?!

Almost late when I was 25 years old
I began to discover that I am not the only one in the universe to do this stigmatized(fapping) and that what I do has a name .

Details of Submissive for all :
1- to be ugly
2- no self confidence
3- no lot of communication even I like to be with the group and enjoying time , there are time I go let to party or important interview because I masturbate (can you imagine the disgusting of this ?!) Please don’t :face_vomiting:
4- doing f** like drugs the need is greater the older you get
5- I can’t imagine that one day to stop this , so i said : no marriage for someone like me because my issue need an angel and we are still alive and a lot of things I can’t do it because I stigmatize this habit .
I used to pray for God a lot to keep me out of this habit, but without interest , I believed that I do not have the right to marry as long as I do this crime, I am a woman who has many problems, who is the man who will accept me with this :nauseated_face::face_vomiting: in this world , this needs an angel who believes or have a high level of mercy …

But this was in the past :muscle::muscle:

What is happened to come here and began this journey was :

Oneday in April 2020
after coming here directly , I enter the chat and i was not good at all​:sweat::disappointed_relieved::disappointed::dizzy_face::japanese_ogre::imp::microbe::skull::skull::skull:
My intention :
is make men suffer :japanese_ogre:
There was someone I talk to him and because I 'm person who terrified i made him cling to me and after left him after that and say goodbye without any hope (this is my way of talking ) I didn’t want anything serious .
So when we are talking I go offline suddenly and go to sleep :grin:, I had hope I would meet him even if I bid him farewell.
At night for 3 days :dizzy_face: I search for him but there is no any result … :disappointed:
In this 3 days I say words s** chatting , I was crazy , I masturbate without any mercy … :skull_and_crossbones::skull_and_crossbones:
I become like zombie :skull_and_crossbones::rage:
This 3 days make me ، It made my body lean and made me feel a huge pain in the vagina🥵 … I think I was crying because I did not even know how to do masturbation , something very miserable and disappointing.

At the 3th day in 5 am in my country I see him finally sending me a msg , I was very weak , I call him with the sound (Defeated, weak, blamed)
When he said to me darling :"
All my pain went away and bowed to everything that was required of me before, which is to talk away from the chat and it happened …
I was happy and afraid at the same time we started talking until 8 am (the extreme nervous and psychological fatigue) :nauseated_face::skull_and_crossbones: He was telling me that he succumbed to all my desires and asked me if I was doing the masturbation and my response was positive and he advised me to do it if I need it :thinking: when I needed and his joke was to find hints Nationality (How can a person live like this) " sex sex sex …
What is this ?! :hot_face: Enough is enough

After that he suddenly open the camera on his penis:face_with_symbols_over_mouth::japanese_ogre:
I was terrified and shivering
Searching for the block bottom
I cried, crying burning …so higher
I danced to forget this , in this time I want to sleep tired…:disappointed:
I slept and when I woke up :
As a result, I become a sex addict and I searcher on YouTube for videos that guide me to the good way and what could help me trying to find an opportunity to get away from this habit .
after that I joined this forum and benefited from it even if I was not active before then but I needed Until I put myself on the right path without asking for help, I am a person who used to be strong and determined,I wanted to be more effective than talking , I am trying to find my real strong and to be a real clear one , not only be happy when someone tell :“hey noir you are strong …” and to be happy for this …

No , I want to be a real one :muscle:

Please guys don’t hurt any woman , I couldn’t believe I could see a normal man , we will do great guys , I know we will with a way or another .

This is my story guys and I 'm not feel shame again , I insist that I will not look back again .

Huuuraaaaa :muscle::fire:

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You are a strong woman for sharing this. I am proud of you !!!
You will never go back now. We will not let you.
You will fix your life just like we are trying to. You will have to go out and meet good people. In real life, follow your interests (other than masturbation) and be with loving people. You are a good girl now and your goal is to act in accordance with your values. Contact any of us any time for any support. You can trust the men in this community.
@Tagore @Brahmachari_17 @_TIGER @nofapstar123 Let’s help this lady.

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Alles gut.
Believe me I have met women who don’t even realize this. I have lived with one. You are far better having realized this.
Just do one thing : Never let guilt take over you. :pray:
Welcome to the club!

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Is a word thank you enough ،
We will help some, especially in the most difficult circumstances, and we will all come one day and be proud that we have been able to do this .

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Yes , I will …:joy::muscle:

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I am always available to help anyone. :pray::pray::pray:.

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If you prayed, but without interest, I suggest reading / listening to Bible studies and meditation to seek peace in your mind.
I believe that everybody can change, whoever they may be and however the level of addiction may be, you just have to believe, you have to gather the courage to discipline yourself and your mind.
I know that everybody can do it, everybody can find solace in the divine and in peace of mind.
Have a nice day!

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Mr @_TIGER we will learn together and be leaders after 100000 days :joy::joy::sweat_smile: how they can survive and they have a chance to quit his addiction , there are no impossible .

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Mr. @CarnetDeBordMore
Appreciate your advice
my friend , we will get to be that believer who dream and plan and act even if the results is not to us .
Thanks :wink::+1:

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Well you should be happy with yourself that you are trying your best to quit your addiction… we all are here for that same thing… i will say never loose hope and loose to any urge which will make you happy for just couple of seconds and regret for life
STAY STRONG!!! :muscle::muscle::grinning:

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Accept this deal :sweat_smile::raised_hand:
Keep yourself on the express train brother that he can show the blind image that another can’t see it before .
Thanks for your motivation @kazim.09

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Don’t worry you will be fine!! As you have found this community, we all are here to help you. You see man/women both are struggling with this horrible addiction. It has destroyed a major part of our life. We didn’t even understand that porn is not real.
But now that you have come to the realization, I know you can do it!!! Let change ourselves.
We are always here to help and never be shy to ask any of us. We will try our best to help you.
Stay blessed sister! :slight_smile:

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500+ NOFAPPER …ONLY JESUS SAVES❤️

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You are a strong women to confess about this sister. We are here to help and support you. All of us are in the same path. And trust me, there is light in the other side. Accept the mistakes happened in the past. We can do nothing about it and leave it there. Move on and focus 100% on your goals. And you were talking about an angel, and there is no angel in this world. No one is perfect. First accept this. Every one has there own mistakes, problems and miseries. I too had a bad experience with my cousin sister and and a neighbor. My cousin sister was sexually used by a peodofile mother f***** and she did the same to me when I was 4-5 years old. At that time, onwards lustful thoughts were constant in my mind. I did the same to a neighbor of mine. Now I cannot even face that girl.
Those things happened in the past. We can do nothing about it. Don’t put yourself down sister. Nothing can take away your humanity from you. You are daughter of God. Together we’ll achieve this.
Today Iam day 107. I’ll never go back. We are all with you.

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This is the great sound that we have to listen , porn is not a joke or experience to try it , it’s unormal of the nature , and we are all enough of it , we will brother engage and stay by side .
Thanks :smile::muscle:

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I understand your sharing of this but I said angel . According to the previous concept, but now that I am in this forum, it changed me a lot in terms of my relationship with god and my vision of myself from the inside, and I do not mean only my appearance from the outside ( mirrors )
Do you know tagore this is the second time I confess in it, there was a reason is that I see the first one does not clear and locked (no one can reply on it)
Because of this I insist to do it for the second time …
Believe me I don’t want to be famous, but I believe that confess is better to keep in mind your weakness at the past, to move on to your dreams … etc
To keep on your balance too.
Thanks tagore hope that you will be motivate and don’t let anyone needs your help, stay volunteering and stronger than you expectations.

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Just read your first page.

Your future is very bright because there is time to heal and become a strong women.

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Yes , brother :grin::muscle:
Thanks for the special motivation ، appreciated :blush::raised_hand:

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@NhTbH You can quite porn. There is nothing good in watching it. Personally I wouldn’t want to see that my future girlfriend is watching porn. It is the same way disgusting like watching porn by man. You can do it sister! I believe in your success in quiting it.

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