Even with my struggles, in my isolation, and in my everyday life, I am glad that God is allowing me to lean on Him more. In doing so, I am starting to grow deeper in my love and understanding of Him, and what He wants for me. That is the greatest thing that I could do. And I pray that whoever reads this, is reminded to go after God’s heart, and to seek His face and not just His hand. Become intimate with our creator, who loved us so much He sent His only Son to die on the cross for ours sins.
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Sadly I had a relapse, again. As disappointed as I am, I now have yet another revelation as to why I fall back on this crutch. This week, I had been struggling heavily with depression. Staying busy in school was a great distraction until yesterday evening, when I had nothing to do and nothing to distract me.
This relapse made me realize two things. One, is that like I stated earlier, I need to get professional help for my mental health. And two, I need a hobby. The routine I have created is only during the school week, so when I have nothing to do on the weekend, I am more likely to relapse. This weekend/next week, I am going to explore some things I like, and get back into looking for a counselor.
Even in my relapse, the best thing that I have found that works for me is going back to God. Even though I may feel dirty, ashamed, guilty, turning my back from God is actually the worst thing that I could do. It will make my spiral worse than it already is. And the probability of me going back to relapses will be higher. This is not to say that if you sin and repent everything is all good and you can keep doing what you are doing. But, rather, I turn back to him so I can continue to fight the cycle of sin. His love for us is great, but he doesn’t want us to live in sin. Sin and Satan come to us to steal, kill, and destroy. It might not he physical, but it could be killing your joy, stealing your time, and destroying your relationships. As I sit here, in the aftermath of the wrong I have done, I still turn back to God, asking for forgiveness, and the strength to resist temptation. And I will give all my guilt and weakness to him. So that his power could show through my weakness. And the strength to keep pushing and keep trying to turn away from PMO. It wouldn’t be right for me to lie and say that I am not struggling. Because I am, and I relapse too. But I want my love for God to convict me as it grows. And for my love to lead to obedience and righteousness.
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Today’s message at church was so on time. Sometimes I can get a little defeated in spirit when I think I can’t hear God’s voice. But today reinforced in me how important it is to fellowship and worship with other believers. On our own, we can only learn so much and hear so much. But with others, we can do greater in ourselves and for the kingdom of God than alone. In Matthew 18:20 it says, “For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there I am in the midst of them.” In encourage anyone who is finding and seeking God, to find a Bible preaching and believing church to fellowship with godly community.
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I had a very good day today. God reveals things to you when you need it. I just want to encourage anyone who reads this, to seek God and to get know Him. Read your Bible, pray, fast, immerse yourself in His word. I am far from perfect, but getting to know God more and His magnitude is helping me to walk in obedience. But most importantly, it is deepening my love for Him because of how great He is.
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As I try to immerse myself in God’s word, I have been made aware by Him that I must mature spiritually. And in order to do that, the first step I have to take is being obedient in Him. I don’t want to stay in the same place spiritually that I am in now. God is magnanimous, and His love for us is great. There are always things to learn about His character, and what He does for us. You will never fully understand the magnitude of God, but that does not mean we should not continually seek Him. Get to know Him, read His word, watch sermons, and do devotionals. I still have some maturity that I need to get, and depths in the Lord that I need to get in. I am on this journey just as much as you.
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Another day down, and another day grateful for still having the opportunities given unto me by God. The creator of all things.
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When I started this journey of no PMO and my even greater journey of getting closer to God, I noticed that a lot of the people around me and that I hung out with did not share my same values. But a lot of them were in the spaces that I was in because we shared the same passion. While I love the spaces that I am in, and the place that God has put me in, I realized that for a long time I had let the energies and the spirits of others influence me. But I was not influencing them. I think a part of the reason why God had led me to dress modestly, and to have an inner sense of modesty was so that I could separate myself. And that I could have my own God given identity, and not adopt the identity of those around me. As kingdom people, we are called to be influencers. And I finally recognized where I was, and started to pray that I could be an influence on other people.
After I prayed this prayer, I didn’t immediately see the fruit of it until today. For the past couple of weeks God has been showing me how he has answered my prayers. And as you and I get closer to God, know that you are called to be an influencer, not influenced, according to Matthew 5:14-16, “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in Heaven.”
Don’t let sin darken your light.
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I just have a short message today, it is the weekend and I procrastinated a bit, so my timing is a little off. But continue getting to know God, read his word, and put your relationship with God as a priority. It is amazing what he can do in you when you give yourself fully to him.
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Last week on Sunday, I spoke of finding a Bible believing and teaching church to attend to. This week my message is the same. But I will add that you should make sure the place that you are visiting has the true love of God. This is evident in how they greet strangers and newcomers to their church. The atmosphere should bleed love and acceptance, coming as you are and being transformed by the love and by the Spirit of God.
Another point I want to make is that I have finally reached 8 days of no PMO. While the journey is hard, and I am tempted I am reminded of a verse. It is I Corinthians 10:13 and it says, “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” If you are truly walking with God, and surrendering every part of yourself to Him, even the parts that fill you with shame, the Lord will provide a way out. Seek Him, and know that you might mess up, give yourself grace, and work to be transformed in your heart so that you can resist temptation. But ultimately, look to God and not to just stop your behavior. God is the goal to look forward to always, when you look to him, everything else falls into place.
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Amen Sister! When the love of Christ is not in the church then it time to go. As for giving yourself to God that’s true. We must surrender our lives to God each and every day. God bless you Sister.
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Today I visited a mosque! It is very interesting to see the differences and similarities between the abrahamic religions, and it is a good thing to learn from them. While I will not be reverting to Islam, I enjoyed being in the presence of other women who held my same values regarding modesty and head wraps. Wrapping my hair is something I immensely enjoy, and being modest simply shows the modesty my inner being has.
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I am kind of in a dilemma, I want to wrap my hair in a manner that is reminiscent of the way you associate with muslim women. Even like my profile picture. However, I feel that I may get judged by fellow Christians, even some around me that are very close to me. It is something I want to do, but I am afraid of what people will think of me.
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Could you start with a head wrap rather than a scarf? And ease your way into it from there. An african head wrap that you could mark as cultural?
You’ll know best but just an idea
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I like that idea! I have been using scarves but in an updo style, I need to get more African ones. Thank you!!
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I have been having a lot of pain today. If I am being completely honest, I started menstruating and in the past I would have used PMO to cope with the pain and nausea. Today was hard for me, especially because of the level of pain that I was dealing with, where I haven’t been able to get out of bed and move around much until now. But even through my pain, I called my mother, and she prayed over me and I prayed over myself. While the pain did lessen, thanks be to God, I still very much had to rely on Him today to get through it. I will keep praying and hoping that I won’t always deal with this, but there is a comfort in knowing that I am not turning back to my old ways to cope. I was inspired today to learn the names of God even in my pain. And one name of God is Jehovah Rapha, the Lord who heals. I will continue to pray for strength and healing.
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Every day I am grateful that Jesus came down on earth, preached, healed, was taken to the cross, hung and beaten, and died for our sins. This is why we should strive and pray for total transformation of the heart. And that we continually remind ourselves what Jesus was sent to do on our behalf.
John 3:16, “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”
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A small note, but growing your prayer life is important. Prayer is such a powerful thing, that sometimes we can’t fully comprehend just what it entails. It is not only talking and talking, but listening. And listening can come in different forms, something I am still working on myself. Prayer can also be crying out to God in the midst of a situation. One of his names is El Roi, the God Who Sees Me. Psalms 8:4, “Who is man that You are mindful of him, and the son of man that You visit him?” I also encourage you to read your Bibles, and get to know God through His word.
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That’s very true Taylor!
I did ask questions to God about some decisions I should make or for His guidance on which path I should take. Many times He answered me through the Bible. But I also received answers from Him through other people talking to me.
We should always listen. Sometimes it is hard because of all the distractions and noise of this World. But if you focus on Him everyday, you will see , hear or understand things that you weren’t able to before. All for the purpose to bring you closer to Him.
I believe prayer isn’t just in the morning or before sleeping. Talking to Him during the day is also a must to grow in your prayer life.
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What a strong lady. Sister you will achieve your dream. Ameen
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Thanks to you @FaithfulWalker you are man who fought for us. Thank you
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