Taylor's Journal [19 F]

A Path to Freedom and Faith

Introduction

Welcome to Taylor’s Journal, a sacred space
for renewal, discipline, and spiritual growth.
This journal is more than just a record of
progress–it’s a battlefield where I reclaim
my mind, body, and soul from the grips of
PMO and dedicate myself fully to the Lord.
The journey ahead is not easy, but it is one of
transformation. As a college student, I face
daily exposure to temptation, distractions, and
influences that pull me away from God’s
purpose. However, through discipline, prayer, and a commitment to purity, I will break free
from reliance on PMO and embrace a life of
self-control, wisdom, and godly community.
This journal serves three purposes:

  1. Accountability - A place to track progress
    setbacks, victories, and lessons learned

  2. Spiritual Growth - A reflection of God’s
    work in my life, shaping me into a person of
    faith and integrity

  3. Discipline & Self-Mastery - A structured
    guide to becoming stronger academically,
    mentally, and spiritually

If there is anyone looking to connect, please feel free to do so. This is a safe space.

And a big thank you to Samuel for the help to make this next step in my journey. Stay tuned for more posts!

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Stage 1: Resisting the Urge (Days 0-90)

The first battle is against the urges—the chains that have kept me bound for too long. This is the stage where I break free, where I build the foundation for a new life. The enemy is strong, but my will is stronger.

The Mission

To overcome urges and develop the discipline to say “no” without hesitation. This is where I reclaim control over my mind, body, and spirit.


The Battle Plan for Stage 1

:white_check_mark: Cold Showers – Shock the system, build mental resilience, and remind myself that I am in control.

:white_check_mark: Daily Exercise – Physical strength fuels mental strength. Every rep is a step toward self-mastery.

:white_check_mark: Immediate Action Against Urges – When the temptation comes, I will not entertain it. I will move, breathe, pray—anything but give in.

:white_check_mark: No Triggers, No Excuses – I will cut out anything that fuels the addiction: social media, isolation, or anything that leads to relapse.

:white_check_mark: Scripture & Prayer – God is my strength. Every day, I will arm myself with His word and seek His guidance.

:white_check_mark: Journaling Progress – I will track my battles and victories, learning from every experience.


Surviving the Crucible

The first 30 days will be the hardest—the withdrawal, the cravings, the doubt. But I will endure.

By 60 days, my mind will begin to clear, my energy will rise, and my confidence will grow.

At 90 days, I will emerge victorious, ready to face the next challenge.

The foundation will be set. The chains will be broken. The war will continue.

But I will never be the same again.


Stage 2: Mastering My Emotions (91-181 days)

In this stage, I must go beyond just saying “no” to temptation—I must learn to rule my heart and mind. The storm of emotions, the highs and lows, will come. But I will stand firm.

The Battle Plan for Stage 2

:white_check_mark: 15 minutes of stillness in the sun – Let the light remind me that darkness cannot win.
:white_check_mark: Deep breathing and prayer – To silence the noise within.
:white_check_mark: Acknowledging emotions without being controlled by them – I feel them, but they do not define me.

Self-control begins here. If I master this, nothing can shake me.


Stage 3: Strengthen Self-Control (Day 182-272)

At this stage, the battle shifts from resistance and emotional mastery to fortifying my will. No longer am I merely reacting to temptation or emotions—I am now refining my ability to act with unwavering discipline.

Self-control is the bridge between desire and action. I must strengthen it until my choices align with my highest purpose, without hesitation.

The Battle Plan for Stage 3

:white_check_mark: Train the Mind Daily – Read scripture, journal, and reinforce my principles. No compromise.
:white_check_mark: Discipline in Small Things – How I do one thing is how I do everything. I will practice self-control in diet, exercise, speech, and habits.
:white_check_mark: Delayed Gratification – The ability to wait is power. I will embrace patience, knowing that true rewards come to those who endure.
:white_check_mark: Reject Mediocrity – I will not settle for “good enough.” Every day must be lived with intentionality and excellence.

Self-control is the armor of the soul. When this stage is complete, temptation will hold no sway over me.


Stage 4: Achieve Self-Discipline—God Mode (Day 273-365)

This is the final stage—the transformation into an unshakable man of discipline. I will have mastered my urges, tamed my emotions, and solidified my self-control. Now, my goal is consistency.

Discipline is doing what must be done, even when I don’t feel like it. By this stage, my actions will no longer be ruled by fleeting desires. My purpose will guide me, and nothing will pull me away from it.

The Battle Plan for Stage 4

:white_check_mark: Daily Execution Without Excuses – No motivation needed. I will do what needs to be done, regardless of my mood.
:white_check_mark: Live by Principle, Not Emotion – My actions will be guided by faith and conviction, not by passing feelings.
:white_check_mark: Become a Leader and Inspiration – I will lift others up, showing by example that self-mastery is possible.
:white_check_mark: Unbreakable Focus – No distractions, no wasted time. Every action will align with my purpose.

By the end of this stage, I will not only have overcome my greatest battles, but I will have become the man God intended me to be—a warrior of faith, a man of iron will.


The Journey Ahead

This journal is more than words—it is my testimony, my weapon, my shield. The roadmap is clear:

:one: Stage 1 (0-90 days): Resist the urge.
:two: Stage 2 (91-181 days): Master my emotions.
:three: Stage 3 (182-272 days): Strengthen self-control.
:four: Stage 4 (273-365 days): Achieve self-discipline—God mode.

Each day, I will rise. Each day, I will fight.

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@TaylorTaylorTaylor keep replying in this post to keep track of your journal entry. That way there won’t be to many of your posts in this forum.

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Thank you for the advice!

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Today, I had to take an intentional break from social media on my main account. My main account has so many worldly things that were not helping me on my journey. But, in the end, I got off my phone and focused on working and doing school work.

But, today I also had an emotional day. As my body’s hormonal cycle is beginning to level out, my emotions have been a lot stronger. I got really emotional with my family, and with my friends, and had a bad experience tonight with someone who I am beginning to see isn’t my friend. In order to calm down from all the emotions I was feeling, I put on Christian music and started to just share with my community some of my troubles. Plus journaling earlier than planned. I feel a lot better now. God is my peace.

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I had a good day today. A minimum on the urges. I’ve been going through some ups and downs in mood. But thanks be to God, he is keeping me in peace and helping me to guide my way through life. He is so good to always hear and answer my prayers. My next step in my Christian journey is to try and hear is voice more clearly. So that I can obey his instructions.

Have a good day all. Pray always.

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Having a hard time today. Temptations are strong. Praying for strength.

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Its never worth it. In complete honesty, I had a relapse. I’m not proud, and I regret it. Jesus died for our sins, but its not a free pass. I truly don’t want to keep doing this. But I don’t want to run from God either. Right now, I will pray for forgiveness, and pray that God leads me away from temptation in the future. Today, starts a new path. I will build my faith and strength so that I can become new again, in the sight of God. I don’t want this to have control over me. Please join me in prayer for strength and resolve.

Today starts a new day. A new life in Christ.

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Relapse is a part of this journey learn from it. You are doing absolutely fine , just work on your mistakes. God bless

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I had a good day today. Felt some residual guilt from last night, but I also have a newfound strength. I was reminded of how good God is. He sent his only Son to die for our sins, to make us new, and to cleanse and heal us. And when Jesus ascended, he sent the Holy Spirit to be a friend, and a comforter. God is good all the time. Even when we don’t deserve it, and to be honest, we never do. But God.

Keep me in your prayers, and I will do the same for you.

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I went to church today, and it was really good. But I think I what I got most from leaving my apartment, and going out was being in fellowship with other Christians, and other women of God. It was a good thing that God led me to go to church with my friend today. When you feel or hear the voice and pull of God, follow it.

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I have been doing my best to keep myself busy these past couple of days, and its been working. One thing I am noticing though, I am getting distracted playing games on my phone or scrolling on social media a lot more. I think a part of me is trying to fill my time with something else. But this is unhealthy, and it can be detrimental especially for school work and other things that take importance.

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Sadly, had a relapse. While I am proud of my steady progress, I feel as if I could do better. One thing that God is revealing to me, even in my sin, is that my relapses are triggered because of inner turmoil of some sort. This particular one was triggered by pain. To be honest, while it is known that an influx of oxytocin relieves pain, and it works, I don’t want to rely on it. But that’s what I found myself doing this time. As you continue to grow in Christ, ask Him when, but hopefully before to prevent it, but when you relapse, ask him, what is inside me that causes this? Is it physical or emotional pain? Is it loneliness? Is it depression? Self esteem issues? Ask him to reveal what is in your heart that causes this.

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While being aware of a problem and its underlying root, it doesn’t make it easy to solve. I have honestly been avoiding posting on here. I didn’t want to be a hypocrite. But the truth of the matter is, while I was away from my triggers and stressors, it was a lot easier to take care of myself, to get closer to God, to not give in to PMO. But, once put into that triggering environment, I found myself going back to my addiction, borne from the need to cope. Because that is what I’m doing, trying to cope. But, by giving in to PMO, I find myself to be in a cycle of depression and spiraling further downwards.

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It sounds like you’re really struggling with a difficult and complex situation, and I admire your honesty in acknowledging what you’re going through. It’s important to recognize that these cycles of coping mechanisms, like PMO (pornography, masturbation, and orgasm), don’t define you, even though they feel like a part of the struggle right now.

You’ve already made an important realization—that the triggers and stressors around you can take you back into old patterns, even when you know the root cause. That’s something many people can relate to. It’s hard to maintain the progress when you’re back in environments that bring up past struggles.

The first thing I’d say is to be kind to yourself. It’s easy to fall into self-criticism, but it’s essential to remember that this is a journey, not a destination. No one’s path to healing is linear, and setbacks don’t mean failure. They’re just part of the process.

Maybe it’s also worth reflecting on ways you can create little pockets of peace or grounding, even in stressful environments. Since you mentioned getting closer to God and taking care of yourself when you were away from your triggers, it could be helpful to find some small, sustainable habits or routines that reinforce that sense of calm and connection with yourself—whether that’s through prayer, meditation, journaling, or just taking moments to step away and breathe deeply.

You’re not alone in this, and the fact that you’re acknowledging it is a huge step forward.

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At first u have to find your triggers…
Then work on that

Why are u relapsing?
Are u a ■■■■ addict?
Or do masturbation?
Or doing both?

Does social media triggers u
Or anything else…

First find out your problem
Then stay away from those things…

If u want u may share here too…
What are the reasons and maybe someone can guide better

Otherwise … Do it by yourself

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NEW DAYS

Every day is a new day. And as my journey continues, I know I can’t do the same things and expect different results. Today, I made an intentional effort to silence my social media pages, and only keep one active, which is solely for christian content. Even then, my time on there will be limited. I am doing this to keep myself away from triggers, to limit scrolling and procrastination, and most importantly, rely on God instead of social media as a (poor) distraction. Every day is a new day in Christ, and another opportunity to turn away from what harms us, and to get closer to God.

The walk of faith, and the path to righteousness is not an easy one, but it is a rewarding one. To rest assured in God’s goodness, love, and mercy, and to be able to overcome obstacles, giving all things to Christ is something that many people strive to do. Including myself. But we have to also be obedient, for love to God leads to obedience. I will keep striving to be obedient to God. Even if He doesn’t do another thing for me today, because He has done so much already that I couldn’t thank Him enough.

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Your reflection is powerful and inspiring. It’s beautiful how you’ve made an intentional choice to focus on what brings you closer to God and limits distractions. Silencing social media and focusing on Christ-centered content is a thoughtful step in nurturing your spiritual growth. I love how you emphasize that every day is a new opportunity to walk in faith, even when the journey isn’t always easy. Obedience and trust in God are essential, and your commitment to remain faithful, regardless of circumstances, is truly admirable. Keep going; it’s clear that your heart is in the right place, and I believe God is honoring your desire for closeness and obedience.

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Today was a pretty rough day for me. I actually cried because it was brought to my attention by a loved one that I wasn’t doing everything that I could be doing in university. I know a part of the reason why I used the crutch that I did stemmed from lack of self worth, and not knowing who God created me to be. It is still something that I am working on, and I want to continue to grow in who I am in God, so that I will be in a better place mentally. Because I know right now, I am not doing so well in that department. And I don’t want to gaslight myself in to thinking I don’t need help. Because I do. And I will seek that help so I don’t hinder myself or my relationship with God.

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I still find myself struggling with procrastination and focus. It is hard for me to sit down and work on assignments for class when I have no pressure to do it. But by the time I need to work on it, I’m stressed from having a pile up of work. I know a good way for me to get work done is to stay on campus, but I find that when I do, and I end up doing other events, my energy is sapped from doing work. I need to find a healthy balance, and work on focus and procrastination.

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