Back to day 0
How painful it is to be back to the starting point! But there’s a saying:
what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Indeed there are good news. The relapse forced me to send a message to someone in my family. These were the conditions of the August challenge. To take things even further, I first talked to my mother about my problmes with PMO, before messaging her. She immediately forgave me. According to me, she was a bit too 'careless': according to her, it is normal for a man or for a teen to watch p***. It is normal to give in due to temptations. I don't agree with her, but I learnt a lesson:
**be kind with yourself. Even if you relapse, don't consider it the end of the world. If you've made progress from your last relapse, then you can consider yourself already succesful. Don't beat yourself up, just be patient and come back eith all your determination and passion.**
Now I have the support of my family. Immediately after the relapse I spent a few hours walking and reconsidering my “life blueprint”. It is now improved.
New challenge for myself: I will complete 30 days of Nofap in hard mode. It is a small goal, but patience and perseverance willl build greatness over time.
30 days is just the beginning. Let's go, let's go, let's go!!!
Day 1
I’m starting again. With patience I will deliver results. Currently I don’t have any urges, but I must be willing to fight them when they come up. I must be ready to embrace some discomfort for long term happiness.
Avoiding pain and discomfort is the sure-to-fire way to become mediocre, or even worse, a failure.
Today I read a post from @MM2020, regarding the fact that your mother can be a beautiful gift. Funny coincidence: today while I was reading the autobiography of Yogananda I learnt something about God’s nature as a mother.
God shouldn’t be considered only as a father, strict and judging, but also as a kind and compassionate mother, full of love. When you start looking at God as a mother, the way you pray and approach Him changes completely. At least, this is what I’ve just experienced through meditation.
I want to wish all the best to all of you, dear companions. I know you are strong, you have unlimited potential. Unleash it. Keep your score going up.
@neetwarrior, Buddha was definitely right; but I don’t want to eliminate suffering from my own life as he did, instead I will try to harness it in order to become better and more resilient. Pain “on a consistent basis” is the means to generate more willpower, which is fundamental: I am working on it, @josephvt.
Today I had a slight urge, but I conquered it easily. Of course I still have the vivid memory of how painful a relapse is.
Since I’m still on holiday, I spend my time mostly with my family, usually walking on the mountains. Today we went hiking for 4 hours, and it was a big challenge for my willpower. But all the effort was worth it: eventually we got near the top of the mountain, where we could see a breathtaking landscape. Bliss!
I’ve also reflected on faith.
Unshakable faith is something which allows you to reach any result.
Schwarzenegger referred to it as a "clear vision" you constantly have in mind, Yogananda talks about it. Wether this incredible power comes from the human mind or from the Lord, one thing is certain:
developing the unwavering belief that you're gonna make it, no matter what, is the key to succeed in life. Including in Nofap.
So hold on to your confidence, to your belief. Hold on @StevenSuccessJourney, and hold on all of you brothers. Toegther we'll make it. :muscle:
Day 3!
Today my mood has been terrible. Looking backwards, considering my thoughts suring the day, how I behaved with my family, I can only be disappointed. I was really rude!
It was partly because I am used to reward myself with tasty and abundant food (thus I sometimes overeat), but today I ate simple and bland food. In other words, my brain was expecting its reward but it didn’t arrive.
I also went close to a relapse, but I forced myself to remain rational. I won’t give in. I will keep my streak running.
What I learned from today’s experiences?
Always be kind with others: when you're rude or angry you're only hurting yourself.
Another thing: overeating is a bad habit, not an addiction like PMO, but still a bad habit. I need to accept the pain which comes from fixing this unealthy behaviour.
Be kind with others, be kind with yourself. May God bless you.
Keep going man. Your diary is very insightful and inspirational, we are together in this. This time, no looking back. Make this your relapse in your life. One of our brother wrote in the message section, what we are actually doing is disrespecting ourselves when we watch porn. We are watching another man having sex with a girl we find attractive and we are masturbating to it. Think about it bro, how disgusting is that! We must never do it again, whatever it takes!
I wish I had read these words! As you may have seen, I have relapsed a few minutes ago. I feel a failure… and I had a 30 days challenge to complete! @tagore, I have entered into a downward spiral too. I feel frustrated. I am confused. I need to reflect about what to do now.
It is clear why I relapsed. Reason #1: I had a wet dream tonight, which probably lead to the chaser effect. Reason #2: I ate too much for lunch. I could feel a ton of energy and I wanted to release it somehow. How stupid I was. I could have worked out, do some pushups, instead of giving in.
It’s time to reflect. To change strategy. The current one doesn’t work. I’ll think about it, and I hope that by the end of the day I will be equipped with a better plan. I will let you know really soon.
Get real serious bro, I know how it feels when you relapse. It is the worst feeling ever in this world and let me tell you bro you deserve much better in life. I know its hard, this addiction is one of the hardest battle in our life even when we feel we have conquered it, it comes back again with full power. The only option is stay sharp and concious each day. Don’t over eat, take extreme ownership. Since I myself have touched rock bottom I can tell you commit 100% bro. Get accountable with your companions. Get Disciplined. The sooner you conquer this addiction the better. At your age I was addicted to PMO and I didn’t know about nofap. I was setting goals and I couldn’t achieve any of them! Now Iam 20, Iam nowhere near I have wanted myself to be. If I continue like this for next 5-10 years then I’ll become nothing in life!
So understand the reality now itself bro. Take extreme ownership, you shouldn’t become like me when you reach 20. Think. Go deep
After this relapse I’ve changed strategy. Better: I’m starting right now to change strategy. Yes, I’ve been thinking deeply, @Tagore .
If you wonder why I’m taking this decision, read the following post, it is eye-opening.
Now I realize that I’ve been focusing too much on Nofap, so I’m reducing the investment in this forum. All my efforts will be directed towards following my life vision, instead of trying to fight against PMO. This has been the mistake I’ve been making for all this time.
From now on:
I will come back to this forum only once a week, probably on Sunday. In that day I will write a post in this diary.
In the meanwhile I won’t think about Nofap; I’ll work hard, letting my streak grow silently.
I got the insight from the post above, and I am sure this trategy is the right one since it has been successfully adopted by @kostantinosNF, and right now from @TheFinalFrontier.
Bottom line: I’m almost leaving the forum. But I’m here for everybody: I will still take part to the challenges, you can still find me if you need help. I will be here for you anyway: just send a message when it’s necessary and I will support you.
Trying different approach is great bro. I’ve tried many times to quit the forum as you may know but I could never achieve long streaks by doing that
I even went monk mode, maybe it is my weakeness, but this forum gives us a lot of support, here people understand us, we can talk openly about addiction and share things.
I suggest, brother @StevenSuccessJourney first gett into a higher streak like 90+, 100+ etc then leaving the forum would be a better decision. But try different approaches, this is your life, only you know what works for you brother. We are all with you, always
focus 100% on your life vision, keep your goals in mind and work towards them all of the time; in the meantime don't think about porn.
I’m using this app only to fight urges through meditation and through motivation from other companions. I’m adopting a new habit: using meditation as a way to relieve stress, as a break from intense focus.
My one-week holiday has ended, and I’m glad school will start very soon: during these holiday days I felt very weak, and confused, I couldn’t work on my life vision, I had lost a lot of clarity about where to steer my life, and this made me more vulnerable to PMO. With the start of school instead I will get more disciplined, I will reduce the time spent with my phone, I will focus more deeply and more often, I will reduce the phone usage. New opportunities to improve!
I suggest reading Autobiografy of a Yogi. I’m sure many of you will already know about this book. But it is opening a whole new world to me. My spiritual side is blossoming. I’m finding God. And His support has become essential in my daily life, including in my journey to end the addiction.
Stay strong guys
Well, I relapsed.
I’m disappointed with my behaviour. I have been breaking too many promises. At first, right after the relapse, I felt miserable. I felt like a failure. Now, I’ve recognised some mistakes which need to be fixed. The strategy I adopt is now improved.
First mistake: reducing a lot the investment in this group. @Tagore had warned me, it wouldn’t have worked. I’m not strong enough yet to handle my urges without your support, guys. You are very pretious. Thank you for your help and all the determination you show.
Maybe I will reduce the investment in this group in the future, but it’s not the right time yet.
Second mistake: not leveraging my mother’s support. From now on, if she agrees, I will hand her my phone every day in order to foghr urges better: I can’t rely 100% on self-discipline.
Third mistake: giving in when the pain was too much. Up until today I had been fighting with many urges, but I had conquered all of them through meditation. Today instead I surrendered.
But it was the right path. I will keep embracing the pain. I will keep meditating and praying to God when the temptation rises.
It is like working out: you learn that pain is not something to avoid, it is EXACTLY what you need to grow and to get stronger. Adopting the 'bodybuilder' mindset in this field is very useful.
To sum up: I’ve made many mistakes, but I’m learning from them. To get better with Nofap, to get better in life.
To all of you:
Thank you.
I am coming back to this forum. You are amazing. I still need your incredible support, your energy.
We’ll fight together.
Hey man, I’ve been following your journal for a while now. Glad to see you’re not letting failure get to you. Keep going. Keep pushing. We’re all in this together.
Also, could you share how exactly you relapsed? What was the medium, I mean, did you go to a porn site, or was it substitutes or whatever? It helps to collect patterns, not only from our own experiences but other people’s too. I relapsed recently as well, got in a chaser loop and have somehow found my ground. Telegram was the cause and I have uninstalled it for good. Do share. It will be helpful to avoid those specific triggers or media and to figure out strategy to not fall to them again.
Sure!
The relapse was caused by a p*rn site: I didn’t actually feel the need for the dopamine rush, rather the need to get rid of excess energy. Overeating was the cause; I had to use some of the energy accumulated through food. Unfortunately I find it very difficult to avoid overeating 100% of the time (especially when I am with my grandparents, exactly what happened yesterday).
I don’t have any social media except from whatsapp, so I’ve rarely had problems with such triggers. However I use an app blocker in order to prevent myself from using my phone when I’m bored: during my working/studying hours this app forces me not to use distracting apps(Youtube, browsers, videogames). In this way if I want to relax I’m forced to meditate.
Yeah brorher stay in touch with the app…Its good…I didn’t faced any addiction in this app but still so many brothers are facing the issue…Brother You should take a firm decision and increase you willpower…I understand that eating too much junk food leads to urges…Because some foods are oily and hoo weird I just hate oil …Anyway analyze what cause you relapse and beware of chaser effect…Its dangerous…And finally dont even think of edging/peaking
Have a Nice Day Brother
ALL THE BEST
PUTTING YOURSELF IN DISCOMFORTED SITUATION IS WAY BETTER THAN WHEN YOU ARE ON YOUR COMFORT ZONE
Thanks for your suggestions @josephvt
Curiously overeating is not caused by junk food, I follow an healthy diet with plenty of vegetables and fruit 90% of the time, but I have some problelms with the portions. I will control myslef more.
Yes!!! I’ll be aware of the chaser effect, it won’t ruin me like in the last streak!
Pushing my limits!
I’ve already talked about the relaapse I’ve recently had. In the previous period I had urges almost everyday, but I was able to smash them every time. This helped me to identify a strategy to put into practice every time the temptation will arise in the future. Here’s how it works.
Meditate, possibly on this app, by pushing the “urge!” button. If the urge persists, pray God and to go even further, sing a song to him. There are many online. Finally, if you still find it difficult to resist, write down your life vision (your goals). You will be forced to look straight into the eyes of your future self, to consider your responsibilities. And relapsing won’t be an option anymore.
Starting from tomorrow school will start again. This will mean less distractions, more time pressure to do what really matters and to leave aside time-wasting activities. I’m worried about the stress, which could pitentially increase the temptations, and about having to deal with too many tasks to complete each day.
But I will go through these problems. I’m strong enough to tolerate discomfort.
We’ll keep growing guys. Together we are achieving greatness.
Day 9
Starting school has been a blessing: my level of focus has improved, I haven’t thought about PMO at all this week (except for a small urge yesterday evening), I waste less time. Now I have more social interactions: I feel happier and also more confident.
I have found a few problems that need to be fixed: sleeping a little bit more, and finding the time to do my speed reading training every day. I am making good progress in this skill!
I am keeping my life vision in front of me 100% of the time. It is important to have in mind the biggest, boldest goals, the end goals, and not the small means goals.
I’ve noticed that when you remember the end goals every day, which are incredibly ambitious, you can overcome obstacles, inner resistance, temptations, a lot more easily.
Perfectionism in the wrong things, for example, disappears very quickly.
Let’s push our limits guys. Nofap is the key for a happy and successful life.
I know you are strong, you have unlimited potential. Unleash it. Keep your score going up. 
But it is opening a whole new world to me. My spiritual side is blossoming. I’m finding God. And His support has become essential in my daily life, including in my journey to end the addiction. 
