@Forerunner Thank you brother, that’s a good point. There’s no obligation to relapse, I am in control and therefore if I am done with PMO then I can merely let the urges pass. I recall another user saying a long time ago that we need to merely drop the rope and stop playing the game of tug of war. I didnt really understand that until I read EasyPeasy. We are not made to pull the rope, we only play the game when we allow ourselves too. Maybe in that way it’s merely a form of edging.
I think I should reread EasyPeasy, I was doing great while keeping the concepts fresh in my mind. Thank you for the encouragement and advice man, I appreciate it.
Day 1 - Feb 19, 2021
It’s amazing how unbelievably frustrating and tricky this addiction can be, while at the same time it’s clear to me that it’s quite easy to quit. I’m sure of that, since I’ve gone every other way of trying to quit this addiction. It’s clear that most ways avoid the direct issue, and that is of self responsibility and commitment to change. It’s clear that the only person who is going to change my condition is me, and therefore I must fully commit to it. Because if I don’t, there’s not going to be anything else to save me. There’s never going to be that key, that perfect situation, that somebody, or anything else that will take the choice from me. It will always be completely my choice to quit or to continue harming myself with this addiction.
And that makes complete sense.
I was thinking the past few nights, it just really is PMO. PMO is every goddamn problem in my life, and I keep avoiding it. And I keep listening to my urges when they come saying “well it’s probably not entirely me is it? It can’t be! Come on, you need a break, you deserve it.” Same old shit.
Yeah I really need to leave that voice on read. It doesn’t matter what it says, what it thinks, what it offers me. I’ve quit PMO and I’m not doing it again. I know the suffering, I know the pain, but above all else, I made a commitment to change and I don’t go back when I do that, no matter what I’m missing (which is really nothing).
Anyway, gonna get going with the day. Talk to you guys tomorrow.