I was molested by my cousin when i was 4years old. But back then i didn’t know what it was. all i knew was he poked, cupped and touched me there while i was half sleep.i jumped from bed and ran away.i wished to believe it as a nightmare.but got this habit of masturbation unknowingly at an age i was com
pletely blank.i started humping.few years back only i came to know its called masturbation. God i fall into this unknowingly and i need to help myself out😭. And am i so wrong??
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Im sorry that happened to you. You are not wrong. We have all fallen prey to this habit. And this forum is dedicated to any help you need
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Mm but i hate my cousin. I don’t watch porn. I hate it.My life would have been better if such an incident never happened in my life. Feels good when i confessed for the first time in life.
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Forget the Past ! You cannot change it right !
You can change now, Change what so ever is in your hand ,
I know It’s hard to forget these kinds of incidents.
But Don’t try to visualize them, And these incidents might be a reason for you to do it again and again.
So, Basically what I want to say is to build a healthy mindset.
Negativity = porn
All those negative thoughts and whatever bad is happening with you.
Majority of it will be because of porn.
You are stuck in a room, With less friend, Not that much social.
Being on Nofap,
You will become a new self !
Become the best version of yourself.
Change Your present !
And Most importantly change your mindset.
Good Luck !
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Thanks a lot. 
feeling quiet relieved
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Also, I wanna ask you do you still remember the incident !
Because You were 4 years old.
It’s quite young !
What’s your age now
Are you able to imagine that incident ?
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Well and clear. Certain negative incidents won’t fade from our memories. I remembered it for long but then forgot. Again remembered it in high school when my mother told i always used to be with you everytime when that cousin of your’s was around as he isn’t really good. Those memories returned back to me all of a sudden… and i am 22 year old and still i hate him
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Understood !
Well You are half way here to achieve greatness,
I welcome you to this amazing community of nofap,
Where you will learn a lot of secrets about you !
And the powers of nofap.
And most importantly,
In order to succeed in it,
Avoid Loneliness and Be social !
Stay Busy as much as you can that’s the key !
Good Luck !
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hi Lella
I’m really sorry to hear what has happened to you!
From my experience I can say that (besides solving the problems that stem from this moment) forgiving is one very important step of healing.
Interestingly, right before I opened the forum I randomly picked a page in a book of mine and forgiveness was the topic of it.
It says that we can’t force forgiveness. But if we can understand the reasons which lead to the action of a person, forgiveness will come naturally. And I think that this is a very important point. Imagine how your cousin must have felt or in how bad of a situations he must have been (consiously or unconsiously) that he did something like that.
This can at least remove the hate for your cousin which can reduce some tension.
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I agree with @neveragaintw
I think instead of thinking of hate, possibly you should let go now. Time for a recovery and I know it’s easy to say but again it’s your life. You need to make it right. Do you know, when we confess something we feel better? ( Assuming)
I realised that is because we don’t have to hold that thought for anymore. You will find many people here who are here helpful as well as motivator. (opposite also exists) So now you have a choice to lead a life. Because you already got to know what is killing you inside Take Care @lella
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This is some words of encouragement and truthfulness from a wise person
"There are some people who suffer through bad childhoods, who are abused and violated and screwed over, physically, emotionally, financially. They are not to blame for their problems and their hindrances, but they are still responsible—always responsible—to move on despite their problems and to make the best choices they can, given their circumstances.
It is just like those who suffer psychologically and emotionally from neurological and/or genetic deficiencies. But this changes nothing. Sure, they inherited a bad hand and are not to blame. No more than the short guy wanting to get a date , is to blame for being short. Or the person who got robbed is to blame for being robbed. But it’s still their responsibility. Whether they choose to seek psychiatric treatment, undergo therapy, or do nothing, the choice is ultimately theirs to make.
And let’s be honest here. If you were toadd up all of the people who have some psychiatric disorder, struggle with depression or suicidal thoughts, have been subjected to neglect or abuse, have dealt with tragedy or the death of a loved one, and have survived serious health issues, accidents, or trauma—if you were to round up all of those people and put them in the room, well, you’d probably have to round up everyone, because nobody makes it through life without collecting a few scars on the way out.Sure, some people get saddled with worse problems than others. And some people are legitimately victimized in horrible ways. But as much as this may upset us or disturb us, it ultimately changes nothing about the responsibility equation of our individual situation.
"
…However if the childhood trauma is that much deep I still suggest you to seek professional help… Nofap isn’t going help much if you had really bad psychological trauma in past … Nofap acts as a good refresh button which can clear your mind… However if a person have severe habit of watching porn for hours, he or she can feel very flat after crossing 2nd week mark… in those cases that person should consult with his or her councilor before starting nofap… @lella
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Are you fishing for details? Because there are plenty of us here that have problems with our past and don’t want to relive it by remembering all the details.
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Hiya!
Very sorry about such incident. But you must remember, that sometimes God can use bad things for good!
Hence, had you not known about this issue beforehand, but figured it out later, perhaps you’d be in a worse trap!
That said, it is a terrible thing that happened to you. But we are not our circumstances, but what we make of them.
You choose to hold anger in your heart and hold a grudge. But your Father who is in heaven watches everything. He taught us to love no matter what. The only person losing is the one who can’t forgive. As it is written, if you do not forgive others, then neither will your Father who is in heaven forgive you.
We must learn to love and not hate. Because the enemy is hate. He is our adversary since the beginning!
Be strong, for you our strong with God. And remember to love.
“If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the LORD will reward you.”
Proverbs 25:21-22
That being said. We must learn to move on from our past. Since it is no more. Instead, work on today to prepare for the future. I suggest reading this book with a grain of salt:
Work on yourself, because your actions determine you. Not your circumstances.
Go to the bottom of a mountain, you’ll see different. Stand at the top of a mountain, again, you’ll see different. It’s all about perspective.
I wish you the best in your journey.
God bless you.
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I know how you feel. I had a similar beggining in my life. Being exposed to sexual acts at a young age can have long lasting effects.
Forgiveness is a start to healing old wounds. I’m sorry your cousin did that to you. Hate doesn’t heal the past. It only leaves a nasty scar.
You may have gotten an early start on masturbation, and your cousin may be the cause of it. But you’re an adult now and you are now responsible for yourself. Your cousin doesn’t control you, and don’t let your addiction control you either.
It sounds harsh but its just tough love. I hope you are doing well with your progress and I hope you find it easier each day you work torwards your goal.
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You are right,
I was not asking for details and definitely my motive was not to make anyone remember about it and regret.
We all have done something in the past which we regret, I have heard the same incident like this.
I don’t want to make excuses !
If this posses a bad image of me that I am a creep !
Then I am sorry for that It was not my intention 
.
Have a Good Day !
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Hey should i call u lella or elder Sis or bro as you’re older than me.
Back to the topic its good you are not addicted to porn. You know that part of brain of yours subconsciously triggers you and you became like driving in back gear solid you have to be aware not going subconscious at time of urge.
Secondly try watching mindfulness Vedios at time of urge. If you got aware of yourself at that time then you will easily master yourself.
But don’t be experimenter. Only do this if you have subconscious urge
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Thanks a lot feels quite relieved
Sorry my reply limit has expired yesterday. That’s y this late reply… and thank you for your concern
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Thank you Yatmi for your kind words and great efforts. Am sorry for this late reply, my reply limit has expired. That’s y.
Well a confession before you all has actually eased my mind pretty much.
Am actually thankful to you all. And never expected so much support like this. Glad am here 
Thank you
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Thank you so much brother for your kind words.Actually i have never expressed any anger to my cousin.
It stood as a wound. But seeing all your support and the feel after unloading a baggage of this incident and its associated emotions, i find it pretty cool.
And speacial thanks for letting me know of your story, it actually opened my eyes. I do understand sometimes he too might have gone through anything unfortunate like this. I have never expressed any hatred towards him, but at times i am sorry, i used to think like wise.
Sorry for the late response. Yesterday my reply limit has expired. That’s y couldn’t thank you instantly. i feel pretty calm being here.
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Thanks younger bro you can call me sis or lella . Am pretty happy to be here… got relieved after that confession.
Thank you for your kind words🙏
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