Fair enough. Sorry for calling you out like that. Being overly defensive can be an automatic response
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@lella don’t worry about it, masterbating is perfectly okay, it’s a basic action of every human being, when I was at your age I always feel guilty about it, but now when I introspect I feel how much dumb I was back in those days, so you should stop worrying too. But don’t masterbate too much. It’s perfectly okay if you do this 3_4 times a month.
Stay away from him
Get a goal (or perhaps a hobby or something similar)
Love your goal, stay engaged into it (perhaps go to boundary level obsession, because you need to don’t give a room to random thoughts)
And remember, you can’t change the past. But you can always make peace with it and move on. Whether it’s something happened to you (or also something you did)
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Be brave be positive work hard and spread love… 
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I recommend you to go to therapy. Im sorry to hear that this happened to you. Good luck, deep empathy.
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Hey there,
Real sorry to hear about your experience as a child. I myself share a similar story as your own. I was 9 when a neighbor molested me. I never thought anything of it due to my lack of basic understanding regarding the matter. As well as my nature to go along with things that felt good. As a child I legitimately had no idea what had happened. As I grew in my knowledge and understanding of basic rules to human interaction I realized what had truly happened. Around 14 I was so inundated with negative emotions and dispair, not willing to talk to anyone of share anything with my parents, that I became dreadfully depressed. Later that year I decided to attempt to take my own life. Luckily I was too pathetic of a child to follow through on such a life altering decision. I grew and moved on with my life. However, much like yourself, I never fully forgave myself or my perpetrator. It wasn’t till I found Christ that I started to move towards healing. Now of course, this isn’t the answer that everyone finds to be true to them. Regardless, I encourage you to find the root of your anger and quarrel with your cousin. Take those emotions and break them down on a spreadsheet. Find the mercy inside of yourself to forgive your cousin. You don’t have to like him/her, but at the very least do your part to love him/her. As Christ imputed His righteousness, giving grace and forgiving you, upon you when He was crucified at the hands of His own children, extend the same to your cousin. In the end, you will be remembered by your legacy. Leave one that will last for an eternity.
With love,
Kyle
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Kyle
Thanks for replying me.
I have never expressed any hate or dislike towards my cousin externally. I have also helped him take decisions in his best interest, when asked upon. Being a single child, i have always cared for my cousins and treated them as my own siblings even when i am treated as a cousin by them.
I personally dislike my cousin’s attitude not just because something like that happened to me in my childhood, but because even now he wish for my downfall and has always attempt to give wrong suggestions, even when not asked for, . But in a way it helps me, whatever done against his suggestion has always proved good to me.
Even if i forgive or not, it doesn’t reflect any change as i have turned neutral over time.
But as always forgiveness is pretty good for a peaceful mind.
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Hi! I was able to read your story now. Thanks for the one who mentioned me here.
Same exact thing happened to me and almost same afe. I believe it was also four that time.
I know that it is very painful and it may leave a lasting impact. Now that you are here is a big step to freedom. Always rememver that it is NOT our mistake because we were young and we are taken advantage. However, indulging in habits that eventually lead to unhealthy addiction is always A CHOICE.
You are stronger than you think and you don’t have to wallow in guilt forever. Go ahead fighter!
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It so sad to read here that these type of incidents has happened with girls that too when they were young .
Girls are not safe anywhere in the world 
, it’s the sad truth 
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Hey again,
Absolutely! Yea… I have a couple of close family friends who are in a similar situation as you are. They really want to be close with their cousin and culture a close loving relationship with them, but their cousin is just adamant to have any thing of the sort. Longsuffering for people is definitely a challenge. Obviously one shouldn’t suffer at the hands of someone else. However, I believe we are called to come along side those who need, or express the need of, help. And to help them by suffering with them through their trials and tribulations.
I wish you the best in your relationship with your cousin,
Kyle
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Respect
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Greatness…
Take a bow from my side.
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If you will think about forgetting you might not be able to. There are times when we think that why I was doing this or why was this done to me.
I too had regret about what i did or what was done to me. But now I chose to get over the with it by living my life on my terms now.
The one thing which both i and you require is the forgiveness towards ourselves not others.
I too had my story with my cousin . I am a male though. But there is no need to discuss it whole now.
Be happy enjoy your life , right now.
I think that sometimes we dont have the words that can heal or help… But I have a hug If dont mind… 
You were so breve for share it. You will be fine. God will be with you. If you sometime want to talk, tell me.