Day 23
Rise in Overall Energy
The energy has grown … a complete change from the earlier … i can feel it.
A clean source of energy has exploded in me … like some closed fountain reopens.
I have reduced the time of breathing excercise & meditation. I think its foolishness to do a 10 min. Meditation when i cant do a 5 min. One. Hence, i am focusing on perfecting the 5 minutes session. When i will be able to sit still for 5 minutes… we will go further. The goal is of 1 hour.
Day 25
Dead Brain
Brain is almost not working. No feeling. No motivation. No dopamine. No energy. Social anxiety. Fear.
Usualy i dont talk about the withdrawls … i only write about the benefits.
I tell you the truth… In 25 days … the % of benefit is only 1 out of 100.
Dont be scared by this. I only focus on 1% good. I look at it … like this… my bucket is 1% fuller now. Some people lose hope & relapse … they say their bucket is still 99% empty.
All are great sign of Healing. Thank god. Life is still beautiful.
You have a positive mindset bro. 1% daily Improvements can take you to great heights. When we are addicted we make 0 imporvements.
As someone great had said, don’t worry how slow you are going. You are going forward. That is what matters.
Day 27
I am Killing Myself
Situation is getting worse.
The mind is hungry for dopamine… it suggested me to go in shelter of Lust. Flatline is very tough time.
Well, i have decided … i am going to kill myself. No… No … Dont be scared… … I am not destroying my body.
The flatline is a slow process of ^death^ After death… there is Resurrection… Rewiring… Reboot etc.
I will be alone at home for next 3 days. My family is going for some work. This is the time when i have to strength myself. Grow myself more stronger.
I AM READY.
You are doing really great brother. Keep fighting. Flatline is just a temporary state of mind.
You are killing it.
All the best!
Kill switch brother, as you said here
Remember you are a warrior, this is nothing for you.
You can do it!! You can do it!! YOU CAN DO ITT!!
Day 28
No interest in Thoughts
Just like a man who is standing in a crowded street. The man know why he is there… he dont interact with all the crowd. He ignores the crowd. He has a goal in his head.
He is heading towards his goal.
I am applying above example in myself. Sexual thoughts come and go … like crowd in streets and i keep going for my goal without getting distracted.
This diary is very different , impressive …
I like the reality all the unexpectations that I can imagineof it and to know what’s next …
Stay appreciated( your right , your wrong , your strong , your weak … )
Stay write and describe this real & fantastic motivation …
God bless you
God bless you to sister
Day 29
Protection of Family
Have you seen childrens playing… They play with full energy… there is pure joy… have you seen them laughing… they enjoy fully… there is total madness in their acts. They dont care what others are thinking… Or am i behaving strange… what others will think… they express themselves truly.
Their good energy is very catchy… i feel good in their company… i enjoy along with them. I want to be mad like them. I dont want to be a gentleman of some soceity… i want to enjoy like them.
Today i beated a drunkard with a wooden stick because he was abusing & calling names to my wife.
When i heard about it from my wife… a electric fire burned inside my chest… my whole existance got a mysterious boost… i atonce searched for a weopon… and hurried to the man… i conciously hurt his body to raise my voice against his wrong deed against my family.
I beated him down on the floor. He was not in his senses. He was totaly wasted. Hence i didnt go further to injure him. That was enough to register was presence and to save my family pride and respect.
A Man should be strong enough to save his family.
Keep Going.
Day 30
they have noticed changes in me
My wife said today…" your face is glowing. Your lips are red now. "
The big change i have noticed is The change from negativity & self doubt To Positive & Firm Thoughts.
Now… i always think good about myself and i express myself loudly where it matters. I want to move forward and my family is surprised.
I believe in myself now. I can do anything.
That sounds great!
Keep it up bro…
Congrats for 30 days bro! Keep going 
Always remember this feeling bro and come back to it.
Day 31
I can’t explain it
Looks like my flatline is gone. I felt great today… after waking up. There was something in the air… the birds chirping… sound of ^OM^ in the atmosphere… Sunlight was golden and pleasing… … very good to feel… i walked around my house… good energy.
I am doing excercise now.
Day 32
Choose Wisely
Yesterday i was watching suggesstive videos on youtube … mindlessly… i didn’t choose what to consume. I watched carryminati videos… Abusive language … cool dude teenage boy attitude… criticism with vulgarity … vulgar gifs…
His is popular among teens … no doubt… i can understand because i was same like him in my school days… i would have subscribed him in those days.
When we eat a fresh apple when we are hungry… it adds to our health… when we eat a rotten apple with no hunger… it gives our stomach a lot of problem. Food poisoining.
Same applies to the mental world…
Choose wisely what to give senses like Eyes… Ears… it creates a thought… a picture.
It plays in loop.
Your senses also consume something daily… thats why it is said that listen to good people … keep a good company of friends.
I am going to keep a check on my senses… like eyes & ears… i will consume only Good which is healthy & Pure.
Day 33
Anger is self sabotage
My flatline is playing game of shadows with me… it returns back again & again. I am so grateful that the sun shines sometimes. That is enough motivation for me…
Yes. … We are getting closer & closer…
During flatline … there is lot of fear & social anxiety.
My wife has a habit of shouting & getting frustrated & angry. When she shouted at me yesterday… i took it as a challenge … maybe i was too sensitive… maybe i got fearful… i beated her … from 2 days there is quarrel going on… Life has become Hell.
Anger is above Roof.
I must humble myself… because the emotion of anger is giving me so much pain… its like self sabotage.
I must hear some noble soul… and calm myself down and i must work on myself unless its too late because Anger mixed with sexual energy can unleash Hell from all angles.
I have relapsed many times after such quarrels. I must submit myself to God now.
Beware !!.. Anger is self destruction.
Yes totally agree brother. Take deep breaths and do Pranayam. It’ll help a lot.
You are on a spiritual journey to find your real self and God, I believe. Kudos to you. Keep going. Share your valuable insights here. We are all with you brother
