God bless you to sister
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Day 29
Protection of Family
Have you seen childrens playing… They play with full energy… there is pure joy… have you seen them laughing… they enjoy fully… there is total madness in their acts. They dont care what others are thinking… Or am i behaving strange… what others will think… they express themselves truly.
Their good energy is very catchy… i feel good in their company… i enjoy along with them. I want to be mad like them. I dont want to be a gentleman of some soceity… i want to enjoy like them.
Today i beated a drunkard with a wooden stick because he was abusing & calling names to my wife.
When i heard about it from my wife… a electric fire burned inside my chest… my whole existance got a mysterious boost… i atonce searched for a weopon… and hurried to the man… i conciously hurt his body to raise my voice against his wrong deed against my family.
I beated him down on the floor. He was not in his senses. He was totaly wasted. Hence i didnt go further to injure him. That was enough to register was presence and to save my family pride and respect.
A Man should be strong enough to save his family.
Keep Going.
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Day 30
they have noticed changes in me
My wife said today…" your face is glowing. Your lips are red now. "
The big change i have noticed is The change from negativity & self doubt To Positive & Firm Thoughts.
Now… i always think good about myself and i express myself loudly where it matters. I want to move forward and my family is surprised.
I believe in myself now. I can do anything.
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That sounds great!
Keep it up bro…
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Congrats for 30 days bro! Keep going 
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Always remember this feeling bro and come back to it.
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Day 31
I can’t explain it
Looks like my flatline is gone. I felt great today… after waking up. There was something in the air… the birds chirping… sound of ^OM^ in the atmosphere… Sunlight was golden and pleasing… … very good to feel… i walked around my house… good energy.
I am doing excercise now.
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Day 32
Choose Wisely
Yesterday i was watching suggesstive videos on youtube … mindlessly… i didn’t choose what to consume. I watched carryminati videos… Abusive language … cool dude teenage boy attitude… criticism with vulgarity … vulgar gifs…
His is popular among teens … no doubt… i can understand because i was same like him in my school days… i would have subscribed him in those days.
When we eat a fresh apple when we are hungry… it adds to our health… when we eat a rotten apple with no hunger… it gives our stomach a lot of problem. Food poisoining.
Same applies to the mental world…
Choose wisely what to give senses like Eyes… Ears… it creates a thought… a picture.
It plays in loop.
Your senses also consume something daily… thats why it is said that listen to good people … keep a good company of friends.
I am going to keep a check on my senses… like eyes & ears… i will consume only Good which is healthy & Pure.
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Day 33
Anger is self sabotage
My flatline is playing game of shadows with me… it returns back again & again. I am so grateful that the sun shines sometimes. That is enough motivation for me…
Yes. … We are getting closer & closer…
During flatline … there is lot of fear & social anxiety.
My wife has a habit of shouting & getting frustrated & angry. When she shouted at me yesterday… i took it as a challenge … maybe i was too sensitive… maybe i got fearful… i beated her … from 2 days there is quarrel going on… Life has become Hell.
Anger is above Roof.
I must humble myself… because the emotion of anger is giving me so much pain… its like self sabotage.
I must hear some noble soul… and calm myself down and i must work on myself unless its too late because Anger mixed with sexual energy can unleash Hell from all angles.
I have relapsed many times after such quarrels. I must submit myself to God now.
Beware !!.. Anger is self destruction.
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Yes totally agree brother. Take deep breaths and do Pranayam. It’ll help a lot.
You are on a spiritual journey to find your real self and God, I believe. Kudos to you. Keep going. Share your valuable insights here. We are all with you brother
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How old are you if I may ask
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OMG… Plz never ever do that, especially infront of children!! It can have unimaginable impact on their mind. And yes that is ofcourse a sign of an afraid man having reflex action without conciousness.
Violence is never a solution to conflict but the communication.
In my opinion, Clapping needs two hands to collide and if any hand refuses there will be no sound 
.
I would recommend you to talk to her and beg pardon and if you think it’s her mistake let her know softly. Maybe help her in cooking or housekeeping for a day😀.
And remember you are a peaceful soul afterall!!
Peace…
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I am 28 yrs old.
…
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Day 34
I love you…
I love you, God.
Today i felt very happy in morning… Thanks for showering your love. Thanks for holding my hand.
I knew you were there… even in the darkest nights.
You never left me… i was fool that i took it for granted.
I will always preserve your gifts.
I am going to go more deep … more deeper… you are my ultimate motivation
Words can’t describe Your Glory. I leave myself in your hands. I surrender completly.
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I don’t know…when this sort of thing happens it always creates negetive energy later. You NEED to show your wife that you are in charge and men of the house (Modern feminism is not a good thing) - i just don’t sure this is the right way, even when in fact she was way more wrong then you in this point, and started all of this.
Here is some info which i took from an article about relationships:
“Top 10 Things You Never Knew about Relationship” by john Howard, MA - You can read the article, i am not going too share everything because the article is a quite long reading:
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“According to relationship scientist Dr. John Gottman, healthy couples argue as a normal part of being together. It’s not arguing per se that indicates a problem in relationship, it’s how we argue and how quickly and effectively we make up. Arguing can actually be an opportunity to deepen your relationship. It exposes differences, releases pent up emotions, and brings more honesty to the conversation.”
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“Dr. Gottman also found that couples recover more quickly and build their relationship better by creating positive memories than by spending a lot of time processing negative experiences. Partners can go around and around trying to repair and understand a difference that causes real disconnection. The truth is, most of the issues couples argue about are unresolvable, and don’t need to be resolved. At some point, quit banging your head against the wall and take each other out for a fun day or night out. Go bowling, do something silly together, take an acting class, or one of those partner yoga classes. Make each other laugh, or have your funny bone tickled together by a good comedy show.”
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“We watch TV shows and movies about relationship, read books and talk to our friends. Yet being good at relationship is not about knowledge, it’s about skills.”
Later he states:
“Relationships are stressful. Under stress, higher cortical areas of the brain responsible for calculated thought go offline. What we’re left with is more automatic reactions, often driven by previous experiences with others. Our knowledge about healthy relationship is not as available to us then. What we need are skills that are practiced and woven into our emotional and muscle memory–so automatic that we don’t have to think too much to use them. Even couples therapy models are updating their techniques to help partners build this kind of implicit skill rather than instructing partners on good and bad behavior. What we know doesn’t help us as much as what we can do, especially in moments when we’re running more on animal instinct.”
I think it may help, reading the article itself would be even better.
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Bro, I may not be in a position to give lectures… I am unmarried, but I feel very bad, when a man raises their hand on their wife… Go watch Thappad… You will realise that this problem is ingrained in our society.
If you are a man of God, first thing you do is control your emotions…
I appreciate your honesty over the fact, you had confessed in this forum, but never raise your hand on her… What if she was a karate champion, she would have beaten the shit out of you… It is like you had revealed your weakness… By raising your hand, you had proved that, you cannot give her perfect reply to solve the issue and you had to raise your hand…
You may be our big brother in this forum, but as a brother I would say… That is weakness…
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You are 100% Right @babi
I am working over my weakness & anger issues.
@anon80614957
You should not judge the situation from Man point of view… Babi is right… Violence is sign of a weak man. Violence can’t be justified on any grounds.
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Day 34
Truth sets us Free
I observed that while walking my focus is somewhere else.
My feet are like running from something.
The mind has a thought.
Instead of focusing on walking… mind is confused in thoughts… it creates disharmony between self & actions.
Thank God… i observed it. Only observation helps … if i have read it anywhere it would have less effect on me.
Slowly slowly… i am going to fix this issue.
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