Reaper's Diary Chronicles

Self explanatory, been fighting this addiction for 3 years with intent, been on it for 6 or 7 years. Tried a variety of methods: Blockers, will power, focusing on real girls, keeping yourself busy, etc.

The main thing I think you should learn from every failure and the best method for me to get on an initial streak is to try something new to fight the addiction.

Therefore, I’ll be journaling my journey and hopefully can help/get help from others.

The new thing I’m trying on top of blockers, keeping busy, cold showers is listening to the EasyPeasy Ebook in circumstances where I relapse the most and Journaling on here

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Day 1

Pretty much recovering from the relapse, listening to the ebook does help with getting my mindset in check. I have ambitions and know that if I continue on the addiction it will ruin my life, I can’t let that happen.

Fighting this addiction isn’t painful and doesn’t leave avoid like it does with heroin addicts or cocaine. It’s replacing an unhealthy physical, mental and spiritual lifestyle and replaces it with something beneficial. I’m living my life at 30-40% when this addiction gets kicked whether it be for a day or two, it’s clear to see my life go to 80-90%.

Motivated to get this done and get my life in check :fire:


Day 2

Listening to the Easypeasy Ebook has helped in reaffirming my mind why I’m doing this and what my goal is. During the first few days are the hardest hence my use of the ebook, once the little monster in my brain starts taking dying breathes then I’ll be able to confront it and learn to live on without the ebook supporting my brain.

I’ve known for a while that this is bad but for some reason I haven’t been able to kick it. The ebook does take an interesting outlook on the matter, you’re not so much missing out on something, you’re just freeing yourself from illusion.

Tough day but I’m happy that I’m going through this adversity

Day 3

Takes about 3-4 days for you to get out of the initial dopamine overdose, a few tough urges but why would I want to go back? It has no power over me. Spent more time with family today but had a sexualised dream that I can’t remember but it’s just showing my little monster is getting desperate. Woke up with a much deeper voice and feeling good.

Day 4

Feeling a bit sick so nothing really to update, being bored was usually a trigger for me in the past, but I’ve outgrown the filthy deed, I’ve broken the shackles of this addiction. When life gets tough I won’t escape to a false reality, I’ll accept whatever I face.

After all, it’s better to die free than live like a slave

Day 5

When I was stressed, ill or overcome by uncommon feeling I would go to pmo for the dopamine hit just like an addict. Life is meant to lived, hardship and obstacles are apart of it. I’ve been sick today so while resting been bored so urges used to hit hard. But I’ve easily put the urges away simply because peaking or anything isn’t an option.

Got triggered while on insta but overcome it by doing something else. I simply can’t go look at pmo or peak. There’s a life I want and pmo isn’t included in it

Day 6

Feeling still overshadowed by the feeling of being ill. Had a couple thoughts in my head that I’m suffering because I’m no longer an addict or using pmo, 1 more session would magically make me 100%

Lies I won’t fall for, I’m a free man why would I willingly go back to the slavery? I’ve managed to shift my urges into possibly dating or improving myself so that I have more to say when it comes to a dating profile.

Hopefully can get more done once this illness subsides

Day 7

It’s a been a while, 16 days to be exact since I last posted here, I relapsed and said to myself I was not going to post on here until I get back to the point I was at.

If I remember correctly I came across an accidental trigger which led to a peak, after a bit of time I was able to regain stronger control of myself and shut it off but it made me question myself for the rest of the day which led to the complete relapse the following day. Then I was relapses another 4 times within the 16 days.

Funny enough this day was the hardest for me since I got hit by a unintentional trigger, it’s been pestering me but I’ve overcome it, I was a couple minutes away from peaking but I envisioned the addiction as a worm in my brain, a parasite, a little monster that right now is squeeling in pain because it’s hungry, and if I peak right now it’ll grow a bit bigger by eating pieces of my brain. That is what PMO does to you, the little monster or worm in your brain eats your brain cells that’s why you feel good in the brain at first, but when you starve the monster you feel really bad. Once I envisioned the monster in my brain I simply closed my eyes, pictured it along with the image that triggered the urge took the biggest breathe in I could make and slowly exhaled out taking the image trigger with it. The monster is getting smaller it can cry all it likes but it needs to die, I can’t be a child forever the world isn’t that nice.

Let’s go day 7 :fire:

hey there,
glad to you you are abck on to good job!
and good idea with the viualization sound disgustind and efective :slight_smile: i will try it when the urges hti enxt time.
ty for sharing.
you can keep this up!
you need any kind of help?
best regards


Hey there,

Welcome to the journey :slight_smile:

I’ll definitely let you know if I need help and same goes to you, if you need anything let me know.

If you haven’t yet I definitely recommend listening to the Easy Peasy Ebook on YouTube, it’s quite enlightening which can help you on this journey.

I’m still quite new to envisioning but it really did help me with this urge, especially with the deep breathe. Try envisioning first where you feel the urge in your body, for me it was the brain and gut, then breathe in deep and envision that feeling of the urge merging with the breath then when you breathe out you’re releasing the urge and trigger, and just leaving the little monster alone skinnier and smaller than before

thank you for the additional hint!

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Day 8

Had moments where that same urge was bothering me, but through visualisation I got through it. Picture a worm or snake like creature (the more gruesome the better) now that is your PMO addiction, and that creature has eggs and mini versions of it next to it that are the urges. Now every time you overcome an urge 1 mini creature dies and the big worm shrinks a bit more.

Besides that it’s been a straight forward day, my mind is a lot more sharper which is great since I got exams next month, I wake up easier and before the alarm clock, so my energy is in a better place.

Finally moving in the right direction in life :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:

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sounds great keep it up!

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I relapsed within 24 hours of the last post which was day 8 or 9, think it was browsing on Reddit for the first time that triggered me since I never use that app much.

Immediately after I went to day 6 or 7 where I relapsed again, either reddit or instagram that time then I was stuck on the chaser effect for the next several days.

Got to the point where I didn’t care about what happened to me I was going to destroy this PMO monster. I subscribed to Detoxify blocker app ($5 a month) that blocks off websites and any domains for my choosing. I uninstalled Instagram and Reddit then blocked their domains just in case, the app allows me to block apps so I blocked the app store so I can’t download any VPN software that could bypass the blocker, as well as automatically blocking any newly installed apps and ofcourse blocking the settings that go to the vpn page (so I can’t force shut the blocker vpn)

For the first few days I used this blocker alongside a blocker called BlockerX which I used to block any images (mainly for google)

I discovered that once I’m in control that only thing that crippes me is the triggers. So once I get past the month and reach a new streak score I’ll slowly ease up on the blockers and see what I can manage, and if it gets too much then I’ll leave the blockers on…

No price is too high for freedom and success.

Also Detoxify app let’s you randomize the pin for the blocker so you can’t uninstall or remove stuff, it’s like locking the door and throwing away the key, you have to email the support email to get the randomised pin back

So far I’m on day 4 and feeling hopeful. Got 2 big exams next week so we’ll see how I handle the stress and immediate relief of the stress once the exam is over

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hey there sounds great!
have fun with the process :wink:

will look forward to your updates :wink:



Day 1

Back at this after a while, had to get past certain things in life before I could commit again to fighting this addiction.

My biggest triggers are boredom and stress, last few relapses were due to stress coming from exams I had last week, but still relapsed immediately after finishing them probably due to boredom (since I didn’t have to study so the gap was left open)

The most recent relapse was from going through reddit or Instagram since I installed them after my exams to see how my friends were and what was new, I’ve uninstalled both apps and got the blocker back up to prevent me from downloading new apps.

Full committed once again and with no exams for the next 3 months, the future is looking a little brighter

Day 2

Strong day, kept busy due to work and education. Was motivated and have come out of the hard 2 day cycle. Onwards to day 3, but I’m not just counting the days on my streak I’m making changes to my life. One habit I’m aiming for is to go running most mornings to stay in shape, build stamina and be productive in the morning which should make me overall more productive.

I’ve started going on walks for 30-60 minutes to build up endurance in my legs, then I’ll work my way up to walking for 4 minutes and running for 1 then repeat it 6 times

Day 3

Another good day for beating this addiction, had a couple urges of lust and romantic fantasing but I shrugged it off. Was more worried mentally with just how I’m doing in life.

I’m an INFJ (Myer Briggs personality type) so this stuff tends to happen every now and then but I wonder if I’ve been subconsciously PMOing to run away from my mental reflections.

I know that I’m doing pretty good given my social surroundings and I’ve still got lots of potential and doors open but I can’t shake this feeling of being lost in life

Day 4

Feel quite good and strong today, I made a commitment to go out and go running in the morning. So that’s what I did, there was a part of me that wanted to quit and delay it until the next day but I can’t listen to it otherwise my life will never improve.

However I still feel a bit lost like there’s a gap in my chest, is this what they call the flatline? It’s similar to when you finish a good TV show or anime and get that feeling of mild depression.

I’ll continue improving myself and pushing through life, refusing to take ANY instant relief skipping hard work.

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Day 5

Did some research into why I was feeling like a flatline so early on, I think it’s called Nofap Depression, you can read about it here: Nofap Depression: The Dark side of Nofap that everyone hides. - Basic Ideaz

Been feeling that depression for the last 3 days, but I’ve still be progressing to good habits like running in the mornings, studying and meditating. So it’s just a withdrawal symptom, a way of my brain adjusting to not getting dopamine of high level.

Don’t think I’ve had many urges, don’t have much of a libido either which is unusual. So I suppose I’m progressing well in this hard mode challenge to finally heal from this damaging disease.