Reaper's Diary Chronicles

Day 6

Depression withdrawl symptoms have gone away and my libido has returned, kept up with the good habits (jogging, studying and meditating), since the libido has returned the desire for urges has increased so I have to brace myself for the storm

Day 1 -

Took a bit of a break, and Ive found my resolve.

No matter how much porn you watch, it will never be enough to satisfy you.

^Remembering this gave me the resolve to restart this.

Met an old friend who got married young, she caught her guy with porn, which later descended to checking out numerous other girls and sexting. He then became abusive and said he wanted a different wife.

That woke me up, shes an amazing person and he got greedy and ruined not only his life but also hers.

Im resolved to not become like that, and Iā€™ll start by rewiring my brain

Day 2

Difficult day, had strong urges about relapsing even right now as i type. But the first couple days are the toughest then it slowly gets easier.

Envisioning your dream life does help when your mind is fighting lust. Just dont go Envisioning physical love or anything that adds fuel to the lust fire

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Day 1

Been fluctuating between day 1 to 7 streaks, back on the blockers (Detoxify) and looking at a new DNS blocker so it prevents relapses on the laptop while at home.

On top of that I want to restart the journals here, not only to help others (if at all possible) but also for myself, putting your thoughts and emotions into words helps reinforce them.

Lets begin.

Today is apparently my 2nd year anniversary on the app, quite disappointing that Im still struggling.

Day 2

Being busy and out of your house helps immensely. Time flies when Im at work due to the higher level position Im in and after the 9 hours of work I study in a local cafe for 2 more hours if you include travel thatā€™s 12 hours Im out of the house, where I always relapse.

Ive noticed that this would be the time that Iā€™d relapse so I just have to be strong for an hour or 2 where Im home with a little ā€œfree timeā€

But day 2 went fast, been good on the diet and getting in the vitamins. Lets continue

Day 3

Another fast day thanks to work, had a friend invite me out to chill affer work, was nice getting out of the normal grind if only for a little.

The real battle starts here cause the offices are closed for the bank holidays.

Had a couple thoughts on pmo, not really urges because I control my mental state, nobody or nothing else has that power over me so urge isnt the correct word.