September 21
Today hasn’t been great. I went to bed around 2 AM last night. My family had me doing things I don’t enjoy to celebrate, like watching TV, battling heavy traffic, shopping for everything myself, and eating greasy food.
Around 10 PM, I received a long email from a friend I hadn’t spoken to in nearly 50 days. It took me about 2-3 hours to respond to all her questions. By 1 AM, I was half-asleep, and I made a silly mistake. I opened a site to change my profile picture and started searching for images of Drew McIntyre. Unfortunately, I forgot to download the picture and ended up uploading an old photo of myself instead. I realized it was my own picture when it was too late, and I quickly deleted it, hoping nobody saw. I’ve decided to keep my current vintage avatar.
Things got worse when I slept until 8:10 AM and woke up with a heavy head and a nightfall. I felt embarrassed, especially since I suspected my parents might have noticed. My mom even mentioned putting my bedsheet in the laundry, which made me more anxious. This was the first time I experienced something like this, and I’ve been hiding my face since.
At 28, I feel childish for how I reacted. The headache, guilt, and body aches haven’t helped my focus. I tried journaling for a bit and then turned to this app, which made me feel a little better, but I still feel drowsy and may fall asleep again soon.
I had planned to work on myself last night, but I’m disappointed that I didn’t follow through. I realized I’ve only exercised once this week, studied for just 4 hours yesterday, and have done nothing today. After a nap, I’ll attempt to study again. I think I’ll need an extended meditation and affirmation session to clear my mind, but it looks like I won’t meet my goals again today.
From tomorrow, I plan to limit my time here to the evenings after completing my tasks, as this site has become a distraction. @debellator, I’m sorry for letting you down again, but I promise to come back stronger.