2024-05-24T18:30:00Z
So I just realised I haven’t been updating my notebook and spending more time on internet. Which are both dangerous signs. I don’t want to relapse so I will spend less time online and will try to study more from books. As I have to watch revision lectures of subjects I attracted this habit of spending more time than intended on internet. Which I will be changing from tomorrow. I will write articles, and will only use internet to update my notebook.
Woke up and went for a run after a long time then spend time on internet and ate healthy will sleep around 10.30
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2024-05-25T18:30:00Z
So ate something nasty today, health wise nasty. Taste wise good
And I got clearest skin i ever had until tomorrow. But today I got my head and beard shaved. And the blades really irritated my skin. Pimple are breaking out all over my face. So I just discovered i have sensitive skin. The pimples are small and doesn’t hurt but there are too many of them. I can feel my gut screaming.
Woke up at 6 did some house chores and it’s raining continuously so couldn’t run but I am tired physically due to workout i did. Will sleep around 10
And last night slept at 11
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Me too here, raining everyday. You may try some gentle yoga at home which is also good for nourishing the body and mind.
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2024-05-28T18:30:00Z
Currently I am working on some project and trying to involve as less as possible on internet. Not watching YouTube, because I know every other person on YouTube will make sexual jokes. And no tv series or movies or webseries. As they are also over sexualised.
Just writing ideas and working on them. And also studying a little. So I don’t burden myself for next semester exam, that are in August.
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2024-05-31T18:30:00Z
Finally some good workout done.
Continuously working on projects
Has to go on YouTube and yes sexual jokes all over
So just removed YouTube again after reserch
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2024-06-02T18:30:00Z
Spending time ofline is good idea because even though I masturbated but didn’t watch qorn today
So it’s a relapse
And yes I will target not masturbating for next 60 days
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2024-06-04T18:30:00Z
Day 0
Back to square one but really for the last time
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2024-06-06T18:30:00Z
Day 1
I am not regular and for a good reason.
I dont wanna overshare but, Hear is the brief,
I am at my worst, I am trying my best, but harder I try, the worst it gets.
I know for sure, it’s probably downhill from here for atleast a couple of years, and with a condition that if I can maintain my nofap streak. Cuz if the streak break and i relapse, I waste 2 to 3 days, and it affects the progress.
It’s not like the problem started after I started nofap, it’s just the fact that I am noticing the problem now. Which is a good thing I guess. And I am also better health wise if not best.
Every time I am trying to get something done, the thaught appears in my mind, out of nowhere. Thaughts like “how cool it would be if I can see some tits right now” and then I have to shift my concentration, to do pushups and shit, because if I don’t i will relapse.
I know how bad I have fucked up, I also know that it’s already very late, and it’s not easy ahead, to get back on track. But biggest problem is I am still relapsing After each 10 to 15 days streak.
Nofap won’t get you everything you need in your life, but will open the window for you, to show the things you need
The reason I am documenting this, is the hope that I will some day look back and can be proud of myself. The reason I named this diary failures notebook is with the same hope, that one day this won’t be a, failures notebook. And I won’t be a failure, until then I will keep trying, and try to enjoy the process along. I have been through shit, i still am in shit, but with a hope that this will end some day.
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2024-06-15T18:30:00Z
Relapsed 14 times in 3 days
Reason :-
I lost my purpose
I lost something that I wanted forever
Promises were broken
I dont care for anything anymore what happens anymore. And now I think I am at my limit. I will break not now but very soon.
And i don’t give a shit about anything
Uninstalling this app.
Thank to everyone who helped me so far…
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2024-06-25T18:30:00Z
I sure have a lot to document, but the masculine ego to keep things private won’t let me. Hear about the brief. The scariest part of life in today’s world is gettin stuck in a situation where you have no choice but to go through something you hate, to avoid this kind a situation we plan today. And this process takes time. I am exactly in that kind of situation. Has to make a lot of decisions, in a lot less time, as I don’t have much time and am almost in such scenario, where I can’t do much except for suffer. I build this hell myself with my greatest enemies qorn.
Looking at positive, I am health, physically. Mentally I can relate with people who commit not very innocent things like taking aim at someone from qorn industry, with a mechanical tool that throws out specifically designed metalic cases containing flammable material, at very High speed. If I say anything else, I with everyone in the forum, will be in FBIs watchlist. But I really wanna talk to the guy who got the idea of introducing qorn.
Every decision I make to get out leads to many other shit holes, Like an anthill. And i fall back in deeper.
Don’t know how longer I can’t stop my rotten mind from watching that shit.
Felt like recording this thaught
Don’t know what day, don’t care.
Let’s see what waits ahead.
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14 times in 3 days is really horrifying. I can get this you were in a situation which U thought this won’t happen. But what happened has happened. But keep in mind dont convert this pain into pleasure. The things you do, thoughts, habits when you r totally exhausted have the power to change your whole life. In my choice if u r really at this peek… Some foods also help… Curd rice, eat some sweets, millets, sometimes eat foods you like most and sleep for 9+ hours…it really works for me.,socialize, play with babies… A quote which always motivates me is “let win your brain first”.
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Man you really need to change the title of diary first.
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2024-06-27T18:30:00Z
Started my day with exercise
No bad news today after almost a week of shitty news.
The exam I was preparing for, the result will be out in a while.
Has been so fed up with current circumstances that I forgot what day it is.
Will count this day 1
Changed the name, of diary. I will try to be more positive, onwards.
I will try to forget what happened in the past and move forward.
I will follow Post Phoenix notebook - #61 by reyan200
Will probably sleep around 11
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2024-06-29T18:30:00Z
Day 3
After failing last project i recently started to work on new one
Just realised
Research nowadays has become google search OR ASKING chat gpt.
It’s easy and convenient but not reliable at all. As I got the worst answer for something very important, it might have destroyed many careers if someone believes it as fact.
Mostly no-one knows what these answers are actually based on.
Now,
About my life.
I have decided to move on from things that has happened in the past. I am looking for my purpose.
Woke up at 7
Minor work out,
Sleep around 11
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Another day
2024-06-30T18:30:00Z
Day 4
Had good workout
Will try to increase the number of hours I study
I meditate, almost everyday but haven’t started deep study.
I think I messed up my last exam but the next is around the corner.
Woke up at 7
Worked out and went for run
Will sleep around 11
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And yes I got my head shaved. Or hair on the head shaved.
However you call it.
I saw myself in the mirror and realised a lot of great hair. And quality of hair is not good, so just got it shaved. As it was not looking good. But I look like a patient after getting head shaved.
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2024-07-01T18:30:00Z
YouTube is the new qorn site.
Or should I say worst.
People be uploading anything in the name of freedom of speech and expression. And YouTube is promoting it to attract more visitors.
I shared someone uploading nudes of some underage cartoon character girl. Today found a video about girl talking about how to sexually abuse kids.
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Delete all the apps. I too felt utube and insta being worst nowadays and its comment section is something more abusive.
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2024-07-02T18:30:00Z
Day 6
Did light workout
And meditation
Uninstalled all the entertainment related apps. I was lying to myself, when I told myself that I need YouTube and Google Chrome for my studies. It was just a medium of relapse.
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Day 7
I will be cutting down my internet usage to zero
I will update my thaughts and streak I am on, through this notebook 8pm
Because nofap is good. But only nofap and nothing else will just be a slow poison.
Thank Every one for valuable advice and checking in on me.
Condition are better, but I know only for a while. I just hope it never gets as bad as it went last week.
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