Objectifying but clearer mind

Hello guys.

I am almost 40 days in and I started to see small changes. I am more engaged in conversations (small amount in these corona times, but still :smiley:) and I see that I started to looking more into eyes of other people, not just in convos but on streets as well. I see there small progress, but what is still wondering me that I am still checking out women and sometimes thinks that she is very atractive. I dont have sexual fantazies, I never had with random girls from streets, but I see that there is still lot of residual objectifying of women. I dont see them fully as sex objects, I would like to know them as well, but lets say about 50% or 60% is this “sex drive” if this is right terminolog. It is like “I would like to know her and if there could be something sexuall or at least GF material, that will be great”, but I know or think that is my corupted mind toalking to me as my mind want to just release and it is wrong thinking. And if they are dressed very provokative way, there is just checking out (I think it is obvious why).

Is this normal and does it ever go lover or to 0 or just it will be not that intensive?

Thanks and have a nice day to all of you :slight_smile:

*edited

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Depends on how deeply you used to do it before.

It will reduce if you respect women more. That’s what I think. Remember that they are people with likes, dislikes, joys, pain, tears and toil. They too are loved and created by God. They deserve a man who loves them for who they are, not what they possess.

Your libido should increase due to noFap, but so should your respect for women.

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Well I always respected women, but there is also tis desire for something else. I still remind to myself that this is not right and I am trying to look them in the eyes not checking them out, if I encounter something like that. I take it like training my mind.

I know that intelectual connection to woman is something which will make RS strong and not lust, sex and more. And I would like to have family in future, but as you mentioned libido or sex drive increased and iut is messing with me. If I understand everything right, I need to redirect it to something else, not fantasizing or thinking about sex or else, but this is not that easy, it is quite dificult :confused:

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@koaxicek Brother I think if you really respect women you would not check them out. Think about how it feels for them.

Maybe someone else can also advise. I suggested what I did, but it’s not really a big problem for me. Nevertheless, do not give up fighting brother. You are on the right path.

Yeah, I think you are right.

But on the other hand, if she dress soo provocativelly and then feel disgusted by checking out by men, then it is fu*ked up and I do not trying to defend checking out by this statement, just pointing world how it is now, which is sad from my point of view.

But I can see that it is less of ogling then it was before I joined nofap, which was last year or so, but shitload of relapses. And I think it will be better over time.

My main Q was if it will be better, I mean I can see some difference, but it is still there, so I am hoping it will go away over time :slight_smile:

Thanks

Cheers :wink:

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That’s also true @koaxicek
Just remember- do you really want a girl who’s going to go all the way out to lose her modesty for attention from males? Do you envision such a relationship?

NoFap helps us see through stuff like this. Keep going :muscle:

Flame on

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Hey man don’t beat yourself up it is actually stupid to do it. Man we all look at girls as they are attractive for us and it is ment to be so. I mean how else are you going to know if you like the girl. And if you marry her are you not going to want her body? How are you going to be intimate with her?

The thing is respect is a big question yeah. You don’t have to be a creep looking at her boobs all the time instead of her eyes there is a distinction for sure. Checking her put from far well no problem you like what you see and that’s okay. As long as you control these thoughts and not acting out on expecting each girl to wanna have sex with you or to sexualize by inappropriately touching them as they should just be the thing to give you pleasure.

Don’t ask for nudes if you chat to her online and don’t send her any aswell as this is also part of that respect and it is obvious. And obvious to avoid being a peeping Tom in public restrooms. These are just nasty.

But why Nofap says not to look at girls is actually to aviod you thinking about porn and also aviod urges that this little experience is going to give you. But it ain’t worth cutting girls out of your life in the, end you wanna know is having a relationship good whilest I am on nofap? How to meet a girl with nofap, or be more romantic/intimate on nofap to stay clean?

The thing is nofap is a tool to break our porn addiction for one and secondly to teach ourselves self control towards our sex life.
Not to cut out sex entirely from our lives and actually have a true sexual relationship with a partner.

I know we marry for love and not for the desire of sex, but sex is a part were love is where a marriage is truely intimate. And nofap is a guide towards sexual healing with applied self control.

Good luck and stay strong and awesome

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The other thing to note is see what girls do in the society. Some walk pratically nude in the street to get attention. Sure she could be a prostitute and yeah the world of fashion is pushing the boundries to sexualized them.

But not all girls are prostitutes. They are desperate for a guy to see them to have a relationship. We either don’t see them as we are now stuck on our phones towards porn or nudes or picks on Insta and also the numbers of bi or gay men are increasing rapidly in these times.
Also guys tend to avoid or get nasty with these innocent girls. Either raping them and say it’s their fault she lead me on or lable her as a slut. This is where you need to draw a line and give respect and be there for a girl and get to meet her and treat her as a person.

Young girls need to be taught too dress right and respect their own bodies and not be like the Kardashian tipe to be semi nude in the street. I get that too, but we as guys need to she these girls and as respectful gentleman appreciate them more not for sex or nudes but as a person a girl you would be proud to have. Girls are so much more beautiful if they can dress nice without the “slutty” look. And we as guys on nofap should be the drive force to change their fashion sense too. We are just as responsible for it.

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Well, I understand all of it. I dont fantasize about particulat women, but I have sexual fantazies when I have urge, but it is less than it was in past, so that is really good sign. I still have urges and I dont think they will be gone ever, but I try to not pursue them or act on them.

Regarding respecting women, well I see your point. I never dehonest women, but when there is nice woman, I think like a man and think “I would hit that”, but I would rather have normal relationship not just sex or whatever. Partially I am looking for girl to satisfy my sexual urges, but it is not majority and I know that I need to work on that as well, but it needs time to “heal” my brain. But I like to engage in covos with girl, but I am still lokking on them as potentional partners and this is not right way, to find someone and this is my main issue there.

And lastly about dressing, I completelly agree. I like girls which are dressed properly not slutty. It is more appealing to me and it is A LOT nicer, but problem is that society teach us from early age to sexualize almost everything and also this kind of dressing is mainstream now, which is also a big problem. And yes we are part of problem and I dont want to blame society for that, beause everyone have their own mind, but still if yiu are see that everywhere it is pretty difficult to not do that or not think that way.

And THANKS for reply and for encouragement, I am working on that to be better man :slight_smile:

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Hey brother @koaxicek, you are doing fine brother, don’t think too much about it.
When I started nofap and was on my first high streak (close to 20-25days) I saw a significant increase in testestrone and sex drive and would look and observe any girl, but it felt like I was seeing girl in a new way for the first time, it was a completely new experience (see, all my life I was addicted to porn, so I was not interested in them and when I left it, I was not able to understand these new changes in our body which we naturally have so it was a bit overwhelming)
I got urges seeing them, whether they wore full clothes or provotically, I would admire them.

Next, when I relapsed all that feeling disappeared and then I again did not felt to talk to them or look at them…

Then I realized that

  • Firstly, it was a trick of our brain to indulde in old ways and be addicted to this habit and
  • Secondly, we are always going to get high feelings and urges by seeing girl when we are on good nf streak.

Now real question lies, how to tackle these urges?

See, we have to tame our mind slowly and get accustomed to these feelings. We are going to get urges that’s for sure, it shows that you are recovering and it are normal. You should be worried if you don’t get urges by talking and seeing a real woman!! :sweat_smile:

Now, for taming your mind start to not look at them for more than 3seconds by this method you can distract your mind from them.
Slowly you will get accustomed to not look at them and you will get accustomed to live normally with high levels of testestrone.

Next, when you have started to gain control over this feelings and can look at girls normally then start thinking about complex things like she is a good human being, she paints really well, I am becoming a man and should not look at her in wrong way, I should focus on myself and wait for the right woman, the right time will come, I have to focus on myself, she is just a normal human being just like me with feelings of love, anger, loneliness, sadness etc.

By doing this you will be able to gain a lot of control on yourself and redirect your energy in doing the real things in life like working on yourself, giving time to your family, spending time on your hobby and slowly girls will become a normal human beings, you won’t be a slave to your mind and even if you see a girl dressed inappropriately you will think what circumstances led her to behave this way, we have to tame our mind, it is our enemy we have to make it our biggest and strongest ally.

Just work on yourself and wait for the right girl and automatically you will know who she is when you meet new girls and know about them.

Rest my brothers @Ash_Matt and @Cubenix have given you great advices as always about the psychology of getting dressed in provoctive way and other stuff.

But my friend it will take time, only time and perservance can heal our brain, this is a new experience, consider it your second life.

Hope my message seemed helpful, we are gonna win over this habit all the best brother :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes::+1::100:

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Wow, that was deep.

I will need time to sink it, but I understand everything and agree completely. I kinda know that it takes time, but sometimes opinion of others is nice to hear/read. Problem is that now it is a pretty dificult due to covid to socialize, but I am trying to take it as adwantage and work on postponed stuff which are good for me, so basically understand myself first and know myself and do whyt is good for me and then I can spread further :slight_smile:

I constantly remind myself that I need to take small steps otherwise I will be overwhelmed by all that stuff.

So yeah, thank for all of that and for reminding me that I am on a right path :slight_smile: :+1:

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